Beyond The Mansion Gates
by MoonlightSalsa
Summary: So what DO the smashers get up to in between battles? What happened to the pool table and the tennis rackets? Why is Crazy Hand so, well, cray-cray? Is Falco really infatuated with a hitwoman? What secrets is Sonic hiding? AND DOES PINEAPPLE BELONG ON PIZZA? Welcome to the bizzare mix of humour, romance, can openers, horror and randomness that is the Super Smash Bros Tournament.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi there! I'm MoonlightSalsa and I'm new to . This is my first story on here. I first published this on wattpad but I thought that I might publish it here too!**

 **If you want to find me on Wattpad, my username is Ice_and_Lightning.**

Chapter 1: Departure

Stormy looked around herself. The gross bus stop was crammed with the loved ones of the smashers, who had already begun to board the bus. She turned to face Sabine, who was waffling on about how lucky she was to be able to compete in Smash Bros.

Finally, Stormy was called aboard the bus. She stood in the aisle, looking for a place to sit. There were not many options that appealed to her.

In the front was a tall blonde man polishing a sword almost bigger than his body. He was sitting next to an ugly fat man eating garlic.

Fuck no.

In the middle were a man and a woman. Twins, probably seeing as they had the same black robes and the same ice crystal coloured hair.

The back seat on the left was thankfully free so she slid down next to a girl with blue hair and observed the rest of the bus.

On the other side were two angels, one with a white toga and one with a black one. The black one was next to an older man wearing a skintight suit that showed his nipples off in the worst possible light.

Directly in front of Stormy was a woman with blonde hair held back in a high ponytail.

Outside was a green-clad elf man hugging a girl with the tallest leg-torso combination ever seen on a living being. She had orange hair and a long black robe. She was so tall that every hug she had with the elf automatically turned into a boob hug.

Black Angel and Nipple Guy were fighting.

A pink puffball was busy inhaling somebody's fried chicken.

The whole bus stank of garlic.

A girl with long brown hair called out, "Link, time to go!"

The elf reached the bus in two flying leaps and seated himself just as the bus began to move.

Everyone was waving.

Stormy, on the other hand, carefully opened the window, wrapped her legs around her seat and dangled her entire upper body out the window. She grinned, waving goodbye to Sabine, Ezra and Zeb as people noticed and started laughing at the ridiculousness.

Suddenly, she felt two hands grab her own and pull her back in the window. She was suddenly greeted by the angry face of the blue haired girl.

"What do you think you're doing!?" she yelled. "We only just left, and already you're begging to be killed! Am I seriously the ONLY sane person on this bus.."

Stormy simply tuned everything out, one of the few things she was good at.

"Stay on YOUR side of the seat!" yelled Captain Falcon.

"I will if you stay on yours," Dark Pit replied, not sounding remotely bothered at all.

Captain Falcon responded with a shove. "Move!"

Dark Pit lifted his foot and jammed it hard against the racer's jaw. "That better?" he smirked.

Captain Falcon would have thought of a sick comeback, but Ike slipped his hands between them, separating them.

"You," he nodded at Pit, "come si next to your clone."

Dark Pit twitched with anger at being called a lowly 'clone'.

"And you," Ike tuned his attention to Captain Falcon, "go sit in Pit's seat."

They obliged, Captain Falcon mumbling profanities under his breath.

Ike dusted off his hands and turned to Marth.

Easy peasy. Now, what were you saying about the Crinkle-Cut Revolution…?"

OMG KIRBY STOP EATING MY FRIED CHICKEN YOU SON OF A BI…" Sonic screamed.

Duck Hunt was bored and restless. His ears hurt from the two Italian men arguing about pizza, whatever that was. Duck quacked as Hunt stood up and trotted away from the two noise-makers.

Hunt trotted up the aisle before something caught his eye, and stopped abruphtly.

A girl was looking down at them from her seat. She was wearing a long black robe and she had a nice face with a wide smile. But what struck Duck Hunt most was her hair. It was a weird colour. Like Ice crystals. It hung in two pigtails down her shoulders. There was someone else, too. Same robe, same coloured hair.

The girl leaned down and stretched her arms. Duck stared at them nervously before walking into her outstretched arms. They were promptly lifted up and placed in the girl's lap.

"Awwww, Robin look, a dog!"

The man turned. "And a duck." he smiled and scratched Duck behind his head.

"Yeah! Aren't they just adorable?" the girl said as she scratched Hunt behind his ears, which was a refreshing change from the bus driver who was now yelling at the two Italian men. He lay down in her lap and listened as she introduced herself to the man on front of her.

"I'm Beebs," she said excitedly. "What's youres?"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh, Wario," came the reply.

"Pineapple does not-a belong on pizza! The very thought of-a it!" Mario's face was red and flushed.

"Of course it-a does! Why would-a people put it-a on pizza if it-a didn't belong on it?" Luigi did make a good point, but mario was having none of it.

"It-a does NOT!"

"It-a DOES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"

Suddenly, the bus ground to a halt. The driver stood up and faced the brothers.

"You know what will belong on pizza?"

Luigi trembled.

"YOU, if you don't SHUT THE FUCK UP!" And with that, the bus driver continued driving as if nothing had happened.

But Mario and Luigi weren't done yet.

"No.." Mario whispered.

"Yes…'

Pit liked sitting next to his doppleganger, though he probably wouldn't admit it to anyone. He felt safe next to him.

He hoped Dark Pit wouldn't catch him staring. Luckily he was busy reading a novel. Pit couldn't help himself. Black hair and red eyes go so well together!

The hideous green and yellow but pulled into a gas station a few hours later. As soon as the doors were opened, everyone was already involved in a mad dash for the bathroom. No one wanted to be last in, and no one wanted to go in after Wario, for obvious reasons.

Unfortunately for Captain Falcon, he was last of all. And right after Wario, who had just finished eating ALL the garlic available on the bus.

No more will be said on this matter.

11:06 pm.

Everything was quiet, apart from the steady rumblings of the engine and the snores of those who had passed out where they sat.

There were only three people(not including the bus driver) who were still awake.

Dark Pit couldn't sleep. And he didn't see why he couldn't. He wasn't stressed. He wasn't brooding over anything for a change. If anything, he'd never felt more at peace in his life.

Pit had long since fallen asleep, and was now giving a big 'fuck you' to personal space and was resting his head on Dark Pit's shoulder, snoring contently. Dark Pit would normally give Pit a big shove, but for some reason, he wasn't in the mood.

Pit was rather cute when he was asleep. Far less annoying that way. Brown hair and blue eyes go so well together, Dark Pit thought.

Stormy was watching the blonde-haired lady watch a "Curtains of the Mind" parody on MoonTube. She'd been doing this for a while now. Blondie hadn't even noticed she'd picked up an extra audience member.

That was until Stormy breathed a little too loudly.

Blondie whipped her head around and stared straight into Stormy's green-grey eyes.

"Whadya want?" she growled.

"Whacha watchin'?" Stormy asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"None of your business."

"Whatever." The teenager leaned back in her seat.

There was a long pause.

"Wanna watch some shit with me?" Blondie asked, just to break the awkward silence.

Stormy shrugged. "Okay."

Blondie held out her hand. "I'm Samus, by the way."

Stormy looked at the outstretched hand before taking it into her own.

"Stormy."

The shook hands.

And so was the beginning of a great friendship.


	2. Chapter 2:Arrival(Finally)

Chapter 2: Arrival(Finally)

Night was casually enjoying it's time in the trillions of tiny spotlights known as stars, but then dawn came along and ruined everything not only for night, but for nights followers, who called themselves 'night owls'. In fact, the remotely useful thing dawn brought to the table was a brand new day.

And as the heinous green and yellow bus trundled along a smooth concrete road, it's temporary inhabitants became more and more awake as they were jostled around. And when the blonde-haired princess more commonly known as Peach cracked open her big blue eyes, she saw ahead of her the one thing that made her squeal.

"ONG WE'RE ALMOST THERE!' she screamed, loud enough to wake the dead.

Hunt howled in annoyance at being so rudely woken up. Beebs stroked his fur, which calmed him down some.

"GET YO FEET OFF MAH SEAT BRO" Sonic yelled at Shulk.

"Yes..."

"No..."

Still at it, are they? Zelda thought. She thought that the plumbers argument was stupid, while failing to realise that whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza was actually one of the most important questions in the whole universe. She tickled Pikachu behind his ears and sighed.

Almost there.

Almost...the-

POP!

"Hahaha, I can't believe you just sat on it!" Ike exclaimed.

Marth had stood up to stretch his legs, and plopped his ass down on a bag of Doritos. Lucina's bag of Doritos.

"Ooohhh man, Lucina's gonna be pissed!"

"Not helping, Ike."

"Mmmmnn,"

Pit didn't know what he was snuggling into, just that whatever it was, it was warm and soft. He didn't want to get up for the day, but he knew Palutena would yell at him if he didn't. He opened his eyes to find that what he had been cuddling all night was in fact Pittoo's shoulder. Not that Pittoo seemed to mind. He was asleep. His bangs hung over his eyes and he was snoring gently. Awwwww! Pit thought, he's so cute when he's asleep!

The uglier-than-Wario bus coasted down the streets of Crescent Moon until they came upon the Smash Mansion, huge and gleaming white and surrounded by trees and grassy fields. Close enough to the city to walk, but far enough away for privacy.

Black iron wrought gates opened up to a long gravel driveway nearly three times the size of the bus currently navigating it. Finally, the bus pulled up to the gates and everyone dashed out the doors. In fact, some people were a little too eager and tried to exit through the windows. Stormy was one of those people.

She hoisted her duffel bag over her shoulder and entered the mansion. It reeked of feet and lavender. It smelled...homely. Comforting.

As soon as the smashers set foot into the mansion Master Hand was there, greeting them and assigning them to their rooms. He spied Stormy making her way through the crowd of Miis and smashers.

"Ah, hello there Stormy! Ready for this?"

Stormy just nodded.

Master Hand looked at her.

"You're not homesick already, are you?"

Stormy seemed shocked at that.

"Ha! Of course I'm not! The very thought of it is weird!" She responded quickly.

"Anyway, here's the key to your room. The third floor, fifth door on the left."

"Okay," Stormy said as she took the key from the outstretched glove.

Stormy trotted up the stairs, wishing that the elevator wasn't as packed as it was. She was actually quite glad to be here. It sure beats smelling sweaty Lasat fur and having to hide her ghetto blaster all the time. It sure beats being ignored and practically shunned by her relatives. It sure beats having stupid religions crammed down her throat...

Her thoughts were interrupted by a white-clad angel bumping into her.

"Whoops. Sorry!"

She turned.

"Hey..have we met before?"

The angel stopped. "Um no, I don't think so...?"

"Really? Cause it feels like we have. What's your name?"

"Uh, Pit."

"Oh, I'm Stormy, by the way. Also I'm sure we've seen each other before, I just don't know where."

"Well, I don't think I've ever seen you before today. And if we have, I don't remember you. Sorry."

Stormy just shrugged, and the two went their separate ways. Pit found the room he would be sharing with Little Mac, Marth and Sonic.

Long story short, when Lucina found out that she would have to be sleeping in bunk beds in an 8x10 space with the goddess, bounty hunter, and...that girl who hung out the back window on the bus, she was mightily disappointed, to put it lightly.

Luigi was scared of the dark angel who would be sleeping in the bunk above his. He creeped him out! Those red eyes sure we're scary!

Luckily he was with the tactician twins, Robin and Beebs. Plus a cute duck and dog that Beebs was allowed to bring into the room with her, and sleep on her bed.

The last thing anyone heard was a humongous fart that shook the entire mansion.

Thus concluding the first night of the fourth annual Smash Tournament.


	3. Chapter 3: Introductory Buddy Programme

Chapter 3: Introductory Buddy Programme

The next morning, everyone woke to the sound of the army wake-up call horn blasting through the PA system. This was closely followed by the echoing voice belonging to Master Hand.

Gooooood morning, Vietnam!" he joked, "as soon as you all get dressed, please report to the main hall fo-Crazy, what are you doing? Hey wait, STOP THAT!"

The smashers covered their ears as creepy laughter attacked their ear drums.

"Hehehehehehehehe we got lotso stuff planned for yo ASSES today!" Crazy Hand cackled.

"Crazy," Master Hand could be heard from the backround, "what did I tell you about eating cheese and maple syrup before 10:34 am?"

Dead silence.

"Not to do it," Crazy said, his voice drooping.

"Good. Now be a good glove and give the mic back..,"

"NOPE! LOL JK!"

"CRAAAAAZYYYY!"

The smashers just sighed and went about getting dressed.

Ten minutes later, they were all gathered in the main hall. It was far less chaotic than the bus, despite the following:

King Dedede went to sit in a chair and broke it.

Ganondorf started calling him a 'fat arse'.

Link gave Ganon the Hairy Eyeball.

Lucina was giving Marth a piece of her mind for sitting on her Doritos the day before.

Stormy saw an empty seat next to Samus, and climbed over six pairs of heads to get there.

Ness accidentally on purpose whacked Took Link over the head with his baseball bat for stealing his cap.

Finally, Master Hand appeared on stage.

"Helloooo everybody! Welcome to the fourth annual Super Smash Bros Tournament!"

The crowd went wild.

"First off, I want to give a warm welcome, and a big thank you to everyone who accepted our Smash invitations this year! We have a staggering record of fifty one fighters! And more Miis than before!

"Now, I want to call up this years newcomers to the stage to introduce themselves!"

Cheers erupted once more. This introduction, unlike the other ones, was being televised all over the planet. This was a big moment for the newcomers. It was their time to shine.

"And now, the first newcomer is...Palutena!"

Everyone clapped as the green haired goddess made her way to the stage.

"Hello fellow smashers! I am Palutena, the Gracious Goddess of Light!"

"Samus leaned towards Stormy.

"Sound like a shitty thing to be goddess of, doesn't it?"

Stormy snickered.

"Now I must warn you, I can be very rough. I don't play nice. Especially if it means I get to be on top!"

"Is she talking about fighting, or sex?" Samus asked loud enough for the whole row of seats to hear. Pit flashed the bounty hunter a 'shut up' stare while Shulk strained to hold in his laughter.

"You are all fools if you think you can defeat me!" Palutena continued, "After all, anything an angel can do, a goddess can do better!"

"So...sex, then?"

"EYARHAUHAUHAU!" Shulk burst out laughing and everyone stopped to stare at him.

"I..I-I'm sorry, I couldn't hold it!" Shulk was cry-laughing now.

Palutena stared daggers at the boy who had interrupted her narcissistic rant.

Master Hand floated back out on stage.

"Okay then, Shulk. How about you come up here and tell us a little about yourself, hm?"

After Shulk got kicked off stage due to him still laughing and being unable to talk, and Mega Man for not saying anything at all, it was Stormy's turn.

"And now, from the deserts of Tattoine, Stormy Skywalker!"

Lucina prepared herself for the shitstorm that was bound to follow.

Stormy stood before the crowd, tucked her long straight golden brown hair behind her ear and leaned towards the microphone.

"Hi. I'm Stormy. I'm from Tattoine, the most nothing planet in the entire universe. No family, just a ragtag group of friends. No life, I don't care, but we're all gonna die someday, so what does it matter if I 'accidentally' kill you in battle?" Stormy said this in a flat tone, but she spoke the last words with a ghost of a joking smile.

"Any questions?" Master Hand announced.

Palutena stuck her hand in the air. "You say you are from Tattoine, yet you are clearly Hisharian. How is this so?"

Stormy didn't seem offended by the question, in fact, she answered it rather politely. "Well, I was born on Hishar but I grew up on Tattoine."

Peach was next.

"Oh, Stormy! Where in the Christ did you get those clothes?"

Stormy glanced down at the blue tie-on crop top and the matching skirt.

"What's wrong with my clothes? Not revealing enough for ya?"

Peach tried not to blush. "No! Th-they...I ,I just want to know where you got them from!"

"I got them from some garage sale. Some kid named Steven told me they used to belong to one of his friends..God, what was her name?...Lapis Lazuli or something like it. Kinda weird name, but whatever."

Peach simply nodded.

Falco put his hand up next.

"Hey, entertain us." Fox stared at the bird, thinking about what a strange and convenient request that was.

All of a sudden, Stormy's face developed a smirk. The smirk of a prankster.

"Okay, alright Mr No Please Or Thank You."

She took a swig from the clear plastic bottle she had brought with her. Her cheeks ballooned with the sea-blue liquid. She then reached under her skirt and produced a balloon. She slipped the end through her lips and blew.

Families watched their in awe as the newcomer blew the liquid into the balloon. The smashers looked on with a mixture of disgust and anticipation.

When all the liquid was all in the balloon, the end was tied and the balloon was levitated over Stormy's right hand.

Before anyone could blink, the balloon shot across the stage straight towards Falco. It exploded on impact.

Falco squealed girlishly as Shulk burst out laughing once more. Everyone sitting around the cocky space pilot moved away to avoid being coated with the backwash-riddled fizzy drink. One of the Mii Gunners had caught the whole thing on video and was in the process of uploading it to MoonTube and Pit giggled so hard he got the hiccups.

Stormy bowed and said, "Ta-da!"

Master Hand appeared and ushered Stormy off the stage. "Okayyyyy, who's next?"

Dark Pit slowly trudged up the stairs, narrowly avoiding Falco, who was in a mad dash for the bathroom.

Pit looked up at his doppelgänger and hiccuped violently. He hoped Pittoo didn't notice. He didn't know why, though...

Dark Pit cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Dark Pit here. Call me Pittoo, you die. Okay, I'm done."

He attempted to leave, but Master Hand gently pushed him back towards the microphone.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not done yet. You still need to answer audience questions."

Dark Pit growled but obliged.

Captain Falcon raised his hand. "Why are you such a dick?"

"Fuck you," came the reply. The angel marched off stage. "I'm done answering questions if you are gonna be assholes!"

"Way to go, Captain Falcon," Ness exclaimed.

"Yeah, I was gonna ask him about Pand..." Toon Link was suddenly cut off by Palutena, who quickly said "Shh, we don't talk about her."

After Duck Hunt introduced themselves by barking and quacking into the microphone, Master Hand appeared once again to deliver news that would receive a very unwelcome welcome.

"Now, I know we've all had past issues about getting along with the other smashers, and I know that we don't necessarily see eye to eye on everything. But Brawl delivered new friendships, and even more rivalries. These rivalries ended up costing us a fortune in damages done to the surroundings. Which is why this time, we're going to take a different approach. This year, I am more than happy to introduce the Buddy Programme. As part of this programme, you will be assigned a permanent buddy. You will be partnered together for all team battles, unless instructed otherwise. You will attend all social functions together. You will get to know your buddy. You will be partnered up with who we deem fit. And most of all, you will like it."

This statement was met with an immediate uproar.

"BOOO!" the kids shouted.

"I don't wanna get stuck with no scrub!" Captain Falcon stated adamantly.

"No WAY! We do NOT need supervision!" someone yelled.

"ENOUGH!" Master Hand was pissed. "Please, be quiet and please put that chair down, Bowser. Now here are the partners…"

So, long story short, here were the assigned partners:

Stormy and Little Mac.

Samus and Sonic.

Robin and Beebs(after they begged).

Marth and Lucina.

Pit and Palutena.

Shulk and Zelda.

Link and Willow(Female Wii Fit Trainer).

Fox and Pikachu("Great, now I have to babysit an electric rat?" Foz asked. "Pika pi chuuuu!" Pikachu was not pleased with his statement.)

Luigi and Dark Pit(Luigi was now biting his nails through his comically large gloves).

Ike and Sheik.

Bowser Jr and Wario.

Rosalina and Captain Falcon.

Falco and Charizard("Suck it, Fox! I get a dragon!")

Lucario and Wilson(Male Wii Fit Trainer).

Mario and Peach.

Bowser and Ganondorf were put together(bad idea).

Ness and Toonie.

Kirby and Jigglypuff.

Diddy Kong and Meta Knight.

Expand Dong("Whoops!" Master Hand had said, "I mean Donkey Kong!") and Yoshi.

Olimar, King Dedede, and a whole fuckton of Pikmin.

After the buddies were announced and everyone was either rolling in joy(Mario and Peach) or so upset angry(Lucina), Master Hand arranged for Mario to take the newcomers on a tour of the mansion and then meet up again in the common room for brunch...


	4. Chapter 4: A Cliched Happy Start

Chapter 4: A Cliched Happy Start

 **A/N: Sooo… I was browsing around and discovered ANOTHER story on called Smash Life. Hmmmmmmm :/ So, to avoid any confusion, I changed the story's title to Beyond The Mansion Gates.**

The hallway was ridiculously narrow for those who walked along together, leaning into one another to try and catch whatever the hell Mario was saying.

"Mmmhhmm mmMWWAAMMmmm mmmwwhwmwa…"

"WHAAAAAAAAAT?" Lucina called from the back.

"He's saying, mmmhwwhmhwmhhwm, imbecile," Dark Pit said.

"Pittoo! Don't be mean!" Palutena scolded him.

Mario stopped abruptly, causing everyone to walk straight into him. He then pointed a shaky finger at a flaky pink door with "Ye Crapper" written on it in cursive.

"T-there…" his voice trembled.

"What's there?" someone asked.

Mario hesitated, but nevertheless began to speak.

"The-ere, is-a one p-place yo-u must never g-go!"

"Why? It's just a toilet," Shulk spoke up.

The plumber turned, fear clearly evident in his eyes.

"Shulk. My dear-a Shulk. Dear-a sweet child. Th-at toilet, was the scene of the-a worst case of explosive-a diarrhea the world had _ever_ seen. It-a was-a the reason Snake and the-a poor Ice Climbers could not-a join us for-a Smash Four-a."

The newcomers cringed so hard that the resulting shivers caused an earthquake several thousand kilometres away.

Yet...there were stifled giggles when they learned that the almighty Solid Snake, of all people, was brought to his knees by, well...you know.

BUT HOW WERE THE ICE CLIMBERS INVOLVED?

No one dwelled on it.

Also, the reason this toilet struck fear into the smashers hearts was because they never got rid of the smell.

Through the rest of the tour Mario showed them the library, observatory, canteen, the backyard(which contained a swing set and a mangled trampoline, among other things) and the rooftop hangout. Luckily, there were no other rooms or hotspots in the mansion with odd or disgusting quirks, except for the obvious…

"Hey! I was told that the smashers get to have their own rooms! So why do we have to share?" Lucina yelled angrily.

Mario shrugged and said, "I dunno. Master Hand said he-a needed extra storage or-a something."

"Bullshit,"

"Pittoo! Watch your language!"

"Gah! You're not my mum!"

"Uh, Mario?" Robin piped up, "where do the assist trophies sleep?"

"Oh! They-a have their own house-a out on the-a field!"

So, Robin thought to himself, the rooms aren't for the assist trophies.

When the newcomers arrived at the common room, the veterans were talking amongst themselves.

"I did _not_ think her clothes were revealing!..."

"Poyo! Poyo!"

"Awww, I have a bruise now.."

" _Hic_!"

"I think some of that stuff got in my underwear! _God!_ "

"Ha ha, this video already has nearly twenty thousand views!"

"...but he _thought_ he did, so…"

"I CAN SMELL EVERYONE'S AURA!"

Falco strided to an empty seat and sat down. _Squelch._ The blue bird felt like crying. But he was too prideful for that.

Toonie had a bruise the size of an apple, and growing…

"Excuse me," Willow asked a Mii brawler who was bringing in food, "do you have anything with wheat germ? I'm on a diet…"

Dark Pit, with a styrofoam cup in hand, spotted Pit by the bar and took the empty stool next to him.

"Hey."

Pit stared up at him, hiccuping as he did so. "Hi _hic_ Pittoo!"

Dark Pit stretched out his hand with the cup. "I uh, brought you some water. For your hiccups."

"Thanks!" Pit took the cup and sipped at the water. Dark Pit turned to face the bartender.

"Got any ginger beer?"

Ness was busy playing on the TotallyNotATetrisRipoff handheld he'd smuggled in when his eye caught the two pixie-like beings next to him. One had purple hair and the other had orange. The one with purple hair noticed him looking at her, and smiled.

"Hi! I'm Kat and this is my sister Ana!"

Ness smiled back. "I'm Ness, but my friend Toonie sometimes calls me Nestle."

Kat laughed, a tiny twinkling of a sound. "That's so funny! Ana sometimes calls our friend Ashley Ashes, but she hates it."

Ness could sense a friendship forming.

"Toonie comes up with lots of funny nicknames. He likes to call Mr Ike 'Ikea' and he once even called Mr Captain Falcon 'Captain Fuckface'. He got in trouble for that one."

"What'd I get in trouble for?" asked Toonie, who had shown up out of nowhere holding a rubber chicken.

"Fuckface." Ness responded.

Toonie's mouth developed into a wide smirk. "Oh yeah. Hehe. That was totally worth getting in trouble for. Hey, who're they?"

"Oh! This is Kat," Kat waved, "and her sister Ana."

"Nice to meet ya, ladies."

Kat blushed madly while Ana giggled.

"Hey, I'm going to go find Ashley." Ana flew off, leaving her sister with the two kids.

"So," Ness began, "where do you live?"

"Diamond City. We're training to be ninjas with the Iga Clan!" Kat responded.

"Urrrr, what's the Iga Clan?" Toonie questioned.

Kat was about to reply when Ana showed up, dragging with her a sullen-looking girl with two large black ponytails and a red dress.

"Ness, Toonie, I want you to meet our friend Ashes!"

"Ashley." the girl said quietly. She let out a yell of surprise when she suddenly found herself face to face with the hero of winds.

"Sup. I'm Toonie."

"...Ashley."

"Daddy!" Lucina cried as she wrapped her arms around Chrom.

"Hey, sweetie, I've been looking for you! I wanted to say that your introduction speech was amazing."

"Aw, thanks. So, whose room are you staying in?"

Chrom rubbed the back of his neck. "Well actually, Master Hand told me that I'm staying with the assist trophies in that blue house out on the field."

"What? Aw, why?"

Stormy snuck up behind Samus and surprised her with an idea that made Samus grin devilishly.

"Wanna playyyy?"

Samus rubbed her chin. "What kinda game you thinking?"

Stormy responded to that question by reaching under her skirt and pulling out a small cardboard box with the words 'Cards Against Humanity'. Samus stared at the box before shouting, "Fuck yes!"

So they all gathered at the round table. Stormy, Samus, Mario, Little Mac, Link, Zelda and most surprisingly, Peach and Rosalina. Zelda didn't want to fully participate, so she was the designated Card Czar.

"Okay, what ended my last relationship?"

Rosalina placed down a card that read, 'Harry Potter erotica'.

Samus chose one with 'Being fabulous'.

Zelda threw her hands up in the air. "Well, obviously I have to go with 'Being fabulous'..."

They played that game all day and night. There were hysterical fits of laughter and shocked gasps from both player and spectator. At one point, even Kirby played. The winner of the night was when Peach, of all people, played the card 'WAAAAAAVE LAAAAAAZER' in response to the question "What did the US Airdrop drop to the children of Afghanistan?" It was the winner because Shulk, who had been spectating, laughed nonstop for exactly twenty seven minutes, a rare feat. And not the kind you put in shoes.

Someday, the smashers may understand Shulk's random and tasteless sense of humor. But for now, they just listened to twenty seven minutes of hysterical laughter.


	5. Chapter 5: Operation Luma Stampede

Chapter 5: Operation Luma Stampede

Fucking hell, Lucina thought. Stormy was bad enough awake, but at night, she's just downright creepy. She doesn't move. She doesn't make a sound. She just _lies_ there. Like a leaf floating on an isolated pond. Like a dead body, the body of a murder victim, lying undiscovered in a field of tall, luscious grass. Like the moon, suspended high in the sky like a paper lantern.

While Lucina was musing and Wilson dreaming of something horrifyingly startling, Rosalina was lying dormant in her queen-size bed, surrounded by four, five, six different coloured Lumas. The star babies dreamed of star bits and the red-hatted man known as Mario, while snuggling closer to their mama.

But, on the stroke of three in the morning, one Luma, a gorgeous cream coloured one, opened one eye and surveyed the room. He turned to his comrades and nodded.

Like clockwork, each Luma slowly lifted themselves off the soft quilted duvet and flew towards the open window. Out they went, their tiny bodies basking in the sweet cold air as they headed up towards the dome of the observatory and through another window that was conveniently open.

Inside, other Lumas were waiting for them. They had been waiting for this moment since Mama announced that they were going to compete in Smash.

The cream Luma, named Orion, came forward.

"Hello, followers! I sincerely apologise for the lack of 'group' activity, but Mama needed our help to get ready for the tournament known as Super Smash Brothers. But now that is out of the way, we may finally begin our first order of business. It is now time to discuss Operation Luma Stampede. I am sure many of you know that sugar is becoming a global problem, from the fjords of Half Moon to the zombie-infested island of Kereshbough. People are consuming more and more each day and has resulted in serious health problems for all of them.

But that is where we come in! We must cleanse the world of this sugary scythe one step at a time. And tonight, that first step is this very city, Crescent Moon. In a short while, we will take to the streets and absorb anything with more than 2 teaspoons of sugar! This is a serious problem that must be dealt with immediately! Or are we not the World-Savers?"

The other Lumas cheered and waved their arms around in agreement.

Orion gestured towards the open window. "Then go, my precious followers, and commence Operation Luma Stampede!"

A rainbow-waterfall-in-reverse of Lumas launched themselves through the window and descended upon the snoozing city. Through more windows, down chimneys, crawling through ventilation systems, the Lumas were unstoppable. Once they had the sweets in sight, down the hatch they went. As they consumed more and more, they became twice, then thrice as hyper.

When the first light of dawn made itself visitors(and further pissing off night owls) the star babies had long since crashed, and now blearily dragged themselves back to the Smash Mansion. The bulk of them went to the observatory, but the original six exhaustedly plonked themselves back down next to Mama.

As soon as Orion shut his eyes, he heard a gentle "Rise and shine, little ones!"

The Lumas weren't the only ones suffering from sleep deprivation.

Wilson had woken up at around five, and was unable to get back to sleep. His mind tormented him with images of the freckled girl with the short, shaggy brown hair and the crazy, merciless look in her eyes. Again, he found himself reliving the nightmare of him running through thick yellow sand while being chased by, who or whatever this was.

Luigi hadn't slept at all, due to his fear of the dark angel who was now his _buddy_.

Later, while breakfast was being served in the cafeteria that was eerily reminiscent of that of a schools, Peach pulled out her phone and called Daisy.

"Hi Daisy!"

"Hey, Peachy. How's it goin'?"

"Oh, just fine, thank you! How about you?"

"Eh. Could be better. Stormy offered to pay me to take care of her cats, but I was like 'nope, I'd rather stay home and boss everyone around.'"

"Oh, well I'm glad you're alright. Especially since you weren't invited…" Peach instantly remembered what Daisy had said to her just before she left: Don't talk about how Daisy was left out. _Again_.

"I, uh gotta go Peachy. I gotta take one of the Toads to the hospital."

Oh, Daisy! Did you let go of the golf club AGAIN?"

"Uh, yeah. Bye. Sorry."

Falco had had two showers and changed his clothes both of those times, yet he still felt the remnants of that sticky sweet fizzy drink that was practically _spat_ over him yesterday. It was only Day 3 of 365, yet he was ready to go home as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

He turned around to grab a food tray, and saw the one thing that made him forget about yesterday's drama.


	6. Chapter 6: A Pretty Baby With A Basilis

Chapter 6: "A Pretty Baby With A Basilisk Stare"

"Uh, Earth to Falco!" Fox waved his hand.

Falco wasn't paying attention. His eyeballs were much more interested in the line of Miis that were trickling into the cafeteria. Or, to be more specific, the one person in the line who wasn't a Mii.

She was a human. Not an anthropomorphic animal. Not a Stormy-human. A _human_ human.

She was tall. Stormy-tall. With long brown hair tied back in a ponytail that sat dauntingly on the crown of her head and draped down her left shoulder. She wore a pair of full-length black skins and a matching top(sports bra?). Her hands were covered by thick black gloves and a red fanny pack hung around her waist. She was a picture of beauty.

Dangerously alluring beauty.

Fox followed the bird's gaze and said "Oh, no…"

The girl picked up a lunch tray and strided up to a worker Mii by the name of LOLSKUXX.

"Gimme some of that bramble," she spoke, clicking her tongue to show that time was a-wasting.

To Fox, her voice was deep and scratchy.

To Falco, an angel was singing.

Which was true. Pit came into the cafeteria, singing some old folk song as loud as humanly possible.

"Oh, noooooo, not the singing," Samus yawned.

The girl snatched the plastic container of bramble off of LOLSKUXX and sat down at an empty table towards the back of the room. As soon as her butt made contact with the dingy metal seat, Falco was already sitting across from her, gazing into her grey eyes.

"Ain't she a beaut" LOLSKUXX mused.

Fox had to hold in a laugh. "Yeah, about as pretty as a basilisk." He continued to stare at Falco and the strange girl.

LOLSKUXX appeared confused. "Who, Amalia? Nah man, I was talkin' 'bout Stormy. Y'know. The new chick."

Stormy was seated next to Samus, eating…

...motherfucking FRUIT HOLES at seven-thirty in the bloody morning.

Sugary blobs rolled down her chin and landed on the napkin, the table surface, her hand, everywhere. Well, Fruit Holes were messy. And horrifically sweet for breakfast cereal.

Fox had no comment. He walked out and decided to go into the city for his breakfast.

Falco was threatened by the girl at least six times, four times with her balled fists, and twice with the knives that she whipped out of her fanny pack.

He only left when she shoved her bramble in his face.

Shulk and Zelda dined together for the first time. It began with a semi-awkward introduction and ended with them leaving as friends. Their friendship would only continue to grow.

Meanwhile, Ness and Toonie stole across the field, still damp with dew, towards the Assist House as it had come to be known.

Chrom answered the door, still rubbing sleep from his eyes. He was obviously surprised to find someone at this hour.

"Hello boys. What are you doing here?"

"Are Kat and Ana in?" Ness asked.

"And Ashley?" Toonie butted in.

"Uh, yeah I think. Hold on." Chrom turned around and hollered, "Kat! Ana! Ashley! Door for you!" His voice bounced off the wooden walls and into the dewy morning air.

Kat came running. "Hi!"

Ness smoothed back his hair. "Hi, Kat."

Toonie gave a 'sup' to Ashley, who had appeared behind Kat in a orange dressing gown and matching slippers.

'Would you like to come in?" Kat asked politely. "We're serving breakfast."

Ness opened his mouth to accept, but Toonie took care of it by jumping forward and saying, "Hell, yeah!"

Marth stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom that was attached to his shared bedroom. All bedrooms had an adjoining bathroom.

The prince smoothed back his hair and said, "Mornin' gorgeous. Still lookin' as fiiiiiiine as evaaaah." He then struck a pose so outrageously sexy that if Lucina had seen it, he wouldn't even have lived to see the next hour.

"Marth?" Someone knocked on the door. "What are you _doing_ in there?"

Sonic had the gym bathroom all to himself. Normally he wouldn't come here, but Marth was hogging the bathroom in their room, so he had no choice.

The bucket was full of hot, soapy water. He took it out from under the tap and carried it over to a nearby stool.

Gently placing the bucket down, he sat on the stool and plunged his bare feet into the water. It washed over his toes and caressed his heels. Cleaning every millimetre of dirt off his skin.

Thank god the bathroom is empty, Sonic thought to himself. No one can see what I hide in my sneakers. It can-no, it _will_ ruin me. For life.

Several hours later, Fox came back, his stomach full and ready to explode. He wandered down the hall towards his room, hoping to sleep all the food off before his first battle. Before he could, though, he saw Amalia again. Falco was there as well, dogging her footsteps with a goofy, lovestruck grin on his beak.

"Leave me the _hell_ alone, punk." Amalia sounded like she was close to stabbing someone.

"Aw, do I have to?" That did _not_ sound like the cocky, arrogant Falco that Fox knew. Lovestruck Falco was, well...kind of lame.

Fox's thoughts were cut off when Amalia suddenly whipped around, pulling a knife out of her fanny pack. Her next words made the fox's skin crawl.

"Yes, you have to. Or your friends will never find your remains."

Naptime can wait. No one, Fox thought, _no one_ threatens my friends on _my_ watch. He was taking this matter straight to Master Hand.

Link was unconsciously drooling onto his pillow when his mobile phone rang sharply. Link bolted upright, wiped off his face, picked up the phone and put on his best awake-voice.

"Hello?"

The Hylian listened intently to his girlfriend's cries, and all he could do was offer soothing words of support.

"No baby, it's not real. If she...comes again just tell her I told her to eff off, okay? Bye, I love you."

Link switched off his phone and turned to look at Mario.

"Who-a was that?"

Link sighed. "Midna. My girlfriend."

Mario whistled with approval. "Wow-a, Link! I didn't know you-a had a girlfriend...wait...Midna? Isn't she-a an assist-a trophy?"

"She was supposed to, but she couldn't make it."

"Oh. but why-a was she-a calling just-a now?"

Well," Link began, "she keeps having really bad night terrors. Night terrors about a woman in black. She went to a dream psychologist about it, but it didn't help whatsoever. So now, whenever she has a nightmare, she calls me and cries about it. Honestly, it's scaring me to see her like this. Nothing has ever scared her like this. I'm worried."

Mario looked on with sympathy. "Poor-a Midna."

Link could only nod yes.

"Unbe-fucking-leivable!" Palutena stormed into the cafeteria. "Master Hand tells us we have to share a room, but that space cunt gets a whole room all to herself! I'm a goddess! It should be _me_ getting that kind of treatment!"

"Well," Willow offered cautiously, "have you considered the fact that Rosalina has to take care of like, heaps of Lumas, while your angels already have a place to sleep without you holding their hands?"

"SO?!" There was now no reasoning with this green-haired bitch, Dark Pit thought as he watched the scene unfold.

"PITTOO!"

Fuck.

And the Palutena was rapidly approaching him, her face an ugly beetroot colour.

"HOW _DARE_ YOU THINK OF ME AS A 'BITCH'! I'M NOT A BITCH! I'M A FUCKING GODDESS! AND I'M NOT UNREASONABLE! I'M PERFECTLY RATIONAL AND CALM!" The goddess swung at the angel with her staff. It collided with his cheek and he was sent sprawling onto the floor.

Palutena seemed prepared to hit Dark Pit again but she found herself unable to. Her fists were encased in ones much larger than her own, shimmering blue and damp.

Stormy was standing atop a table, holding out her palms, using her "Force powers" to prevent Palutena from burning down the mansion.

"Clam the hell down!" she called.

"And don't call me Pittoo!" Dark Pit said angrily, further enraging Palutena.

But, try as she might, she could not break free of the fists that bound her.

Dark Pit picked himself up off the ground and ran back to his room. Beebs looked up at him in surprise. The dark angel ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. There, he stood in front of the mirror.

His cheek was already turning red from where Palutena hit him. He felt angry tears welling up in his eyes, but refused to let them fall. He wasn't about to give Palutena the satisfaction of crying.

He found it difficult to believe that the goddess would beat him up just for fucking _thinking._

He had already begun plotting revenge.


	7. Chapter 7: Troubles Begin

Chapter 7: The Troubles Begin

Fox hurried down the corridors that were carpeted in thick red velvet.

 _They can afford velvet carpet but we can't afford to have our own rooms?_

God damn, how big was this place? He thought he knew it at its biggest way back in Melee, but it seems like they keep adding onto it every year. Corridors branched off into unknown segments, twisting away down territory yet to be discovered. The walls were a dark oak and were covered by huge painted murals collected over the years. The lights were dimmed, and cast huge shadows. The whole corridor made him feel like he was trapped in a claustrophobic maze.

Finally, he reached two large, ornate carved doors. Pushing them open, he revealed Master Hand's office.

The gloved hand 'sat' at his desk, sorting through mounds of paper. He glanced up and said, "Oh, hello, Fox. What brings you here today?"

Fox cleared his throat. "I want to file a complaint against someone."

Master Hand's eyebrow raised. "Really. Who?"

"Uh, I think her name's Amalia."

"Ah. I should have known that it would be her."

Fox almost choked on his spit. "W-why? And what's her problem?"

Master Hand sighed. "Well, you'll be the first to know this Fox, but…"

Suddenly, a burst of maniacal cackling echoed from the next floor up. Master Hand turned. "Quiet down, Crazy!"

He turned his attention back to Fox.

"Now, as I was saying, after the whole Subspace Emissary fiasco, I became more concerned about security. The Miis are quite reliable, but what's a couple hundred Miis against technologically superior aliens-things? So, I called up an old friend of mine who runs a…'super modelling' agency and hired two of his most promising employees. One of whom is Amalia. And," Master Hand took a deep breath and continued to speak.

"I say 'super modelling' agency, because that's just a cover. The company, Top Dawg, is, in fact, an organisation of hitmen."

Fox's jaw dropped to the floor. "Wh-what, a-are you...crazy!? Hiring a-a hitwoman?"

Master Hand nodded. "That's exactly what Crazy said, which is kind of ironic, since he's done similar things in the past. But I trust my friend, and Amalia is under a strict contract which states that she cannot harm or kill the smashers or Miis."

At that moment, an alarm rang from somewhere on the hand's desk.

"Oh, I have to be somewhere." Master Hand noticed that Fox still looked unsure of this whole thing. "Look, if you're still concerned, you can have a look at her file. I'll leave it out for you."

He pulled open a drawer and retrieved two crisp white binders. "There's also the file of the other Top Dawg employee I've hired, if you want to have a look. Just leave them on the desk when you're done." The alarm rang shrilly once again.

"Look, I've really got to go…"

And with that, he was gone.

Fox made himself comfortable in Master Hand's enormous, worn leather chair and opened up the first file.

 **Name: Amalia Josephine Bell**

 **Age: 17**

 **Planet Of Origin: Earth**

 **Birth Date: 20th September 2000 (Earth Time)**

 **Top Dawg Employee Number: 060475**

 **Weapon Of Choice: Knives, Bow/Arrows**

 **Physical Level: Gymnastics Level**

 **Supernatural Powers: None**

 **Notes: Explosive temper, known to lash out at anyone and damage property.**

And that was it.

Explosive temper? Known to damage shit? Fucking hell, what a piece of work! Fox's thoughts all collided together in his head, clouding any thoughts of his first match, which just so happened to be taking place right now.

Dizzyingly, he opened the other file.

 **Name: Victoria Nikki DeMays**

 **Age: 23**

 **Planet Of Origin: Unknown**

 **Birth Date: 6th February 1994 (Earth Time)**

 **Top Dawg Employee Number: 236987**

 **Weapon Of Choice: Knives, but is handy with a dartgun**

 **Physical Level: Athletics Level**

 **Supernatural Powers: Can take on the physical form of any humanoid figure**

 **Notes: Below average intelligence, but is incredibly observant.**

Fox wandered back down the lusciously prison-like corridors towards his room. He needed to lie down for a while.

Meanwhile, Pit was anxiously searching for his doppleganger. He had seen what Lady Palutena had done to him and it saddened him to think that his goddess would just flat-out hurt someone like that.

Especially for _thinking!_

He came across his clone sitting in the library, sifting through a huge stack of books.

"Pittoo!"

His anxious blue eyes met annoyed red ones. The owner of the red eyes sighed. "Whaddya want?"

Pit stopped and shyly turned his body away. "Uh, I saw what Lady Palutena did to you, and I wanted to uh, see if you were alright."

"Well, I'm fine! I don't need or want your sympathy, so don't force-feed it to me, and just go away and leave me alone, okay?"

Pit winced at his words. "Well, okay, then. Sorry for bothering you." His voice trailed off into a whisper.

He left the library and Dark Pit turned back to his book, which was titled, "Vengeance Is Mine! How To Perform The Perfect Act Of Revenge".

Stormy emerged from the teletransporter, wiping the sweat off her brow. Her skirt was soaked from when she fell into the water. Fuck Delfino Harbour.

She bumped into Samus making her way from the teletransporter that led to Final Destination. "Sup, Spamus."

Samus sighed. "Great, now you're calling me that, too?" Stormy simply gave an evil grin in response.

Samus deactivated her power suit, leaving her in her zero suit. "So, where did you place?"

"Second."

"Hey, not bad for your first battle. You've got a good head start."

Stormy frowned. "Head start for what?"

"The tournament. Fuck, do you not know the rules?"

Stormy gave an embarrassed grin and shrugged her shoulders.

"Fine, I'll explain them. This whole thing is one big tournament. You get a different amount of points depending on where you place in the battles. At the end of the year, the person with the most points wins. And there are a ton of miniature tourneys as well. And the winner of those gets a big ass point boost and a chocolate bar. Got it?"

Stormy faked a salute. "Loud and clear, Captain!"

The bounty hunter smiled thinly.

"Also, quick question," the teenager continued, "who won last year?"

Samus wished she still had her power suit on so that Stormy couldn't see the pained look in her eye. "Dedede."

Late afternoon descended upon Crescent Moon. The groundskeepers who had been tending to the city's countless gardens all day started stepping indoors for a nice cold glass of ice tea and a cigarette. Or four. Families bustled about the shops and malls, searching for pointless 'white elephants' with no success. And down at the Smash Mansion, the air stunk of sweat and something that smelled suspiciously like cum. But who was the source of the cum-like smell?(Spoiler: it was Captain Falcon).

Marth, Lucina, Ike and Sheik were all gathered in the movie room pondering over which theatrical masterpiece to view, now that they had all finished their battles for the day.

Marth was on his knees, digging around in the cupboard.

"How about...Curtains of the Mind?" he asked, pulling out the somber grey disk case.

"No, too depressing." Lucina stated.

"Fine. How about All Eyes On Me?"

"Nah,"

Marth exhaled deeply. "Okay, what about Adventures in Fairyland?"

The Ylissean princess scrunched up her nose in disapproval. "How old are you, four?"

Ike laughed. "Nope. Not even a four year old could watch that bullshit."

"Alright," Lucina said, not understanding the humour, "find something else."

"There isn't anything else."

"Don't be stupid, Marth. Find. Something. Else."

"No, seriously. There isn't anything else."

"God _ **damn**_ it! Find something!"

"I can't!"

"Oh, don't be lazy. Get down and find something, and stop being unreasonable!"

"What? I'm _not_ being unreasonable!"

And then the two blue-haired members of royalty stood up and verbally leapt at each other's throats. With all the yelling and chaos, it's a miracle the woman in the moon didn't hear them.

"Yikes," Ike mumbled to Sheik, "now I can see why the Hands paired them up together."

Sheik simply sighed, and put her own disk into the slot and pressed the play button. Now the four of them were forced to sit through Adventures In Fairyland.

When Dark Pit stepped out of the teletransporter he could immediately smell the fresh air mingling with the scent of camellias. The birds chirped softly and the water feature gurgled away quietly. Artemis's garden was much better than Viridi's.

He walked down the terracotta path until he reached the pair of heavy wooden doors. One swung open, inviting him in. The hall was empty. Artemis would probably be in her studio.

She was. When the angel entered, the moon goddess was sitting at her easel, flicking her paintbrush here and there over a large canvas. Without even turning around, she greeted him.

"Welcome, Dark Pit. What brings you here?"

Dark Pit shrugged. "Dunno. Just needed to get away from everyone, I guess."

Artemis laughed quietly. "A little space from everyone is always a good thing. But anyway, how is Smash working out for you?"

"Could be worse. Could be way fucking worse."

The goddess nodded. "I take it you aren't enjoying yourself as much as you thought?"

"I didn't think I'd enjoy myself at _all_."

"Well, perhaps this new book I found will take your mind off it."

She smiled to herself when Dark Pit rushed over and grabbed the book from her outstretched arms. He sat on the floor by her feet and opened the cover eagerly. Dark Pit was always a sucker for something to read, ever since he learned _how_ to read. Artemis had been the one to teach him, and she never yelled or got impatient if he struggled to understand something. She always took the time to sit down with him and work through it together.

She was patient.

She was gracious.

She was so...unlike Palutena.

God, no _wonder_ Pit was so dim-witted. His precious goddess has absolutely no room in her big head to even think that Pit should learn to read(among many other things). While his doppleganger was devouring texts hundreds of pages in length, Pit could barely even recognise his own name in writing.

But while Palutena was a pretentious, pig-headed person, Viridi was just straight-up mean and spiteful towards the dark angel. She clearly favoured Arlon, Phosphora and even Cragalanche. They received the highest possible praise and the most Dark Pit ever got was 'Whatever. Now go do so-and-so".

He wasn't quite sure what warranted his being kicked out of Viridi's domain. Was it because he made Phosphora cry? Well, she was being a bitch! She stole his fucking lunch and had the audacity to blame _him_ for it! Anyway, she deserved that punch to the face. But whatever the true reason, Viridi sacked him and sent him on his way.

With nowhere else to go, he hesitantly made his way to Palutena's domain. Pit was both excited and surprised to see him. The centaurians were confused as to why there were two Pits. Palutena herself reluctantly let him stay, but then she gave him the smallest room. It wasn't even a room, really. It was a frickin closet or storage area of some kind. It became even more of a stab in the gut when it became known that there were plenty of guest rooms that he could have stayed in.

The room situation could have turned out a lot worse, actually. There was thankfully enough room to squeeze in a single bed. The walls were lined with shelves all up and down, where he could store his few belongings. This left very little floor space, but whatever. He had his own quiet, dark little space, far away from Pit and Palutena's bedrooms.

But it didn't just end with the miniscule room. Dark Pit wasn't allowed to enter the kitchen without a centaurian watching to make sure he 'didn't cause any trouble'. He wasn't allowed to use the hot spring or training facilities. He had to bathe in the stream and go into the woods to do his training. The "gracious goddess of light" made it blatantly obvious that the dark angel wasn't welcome in her domain.

Artemis was good and beautiful and selfless.

Viridi was mean and bitchy.

Palutena was selfish and spiteful.

And Pit was oblivious to all of it.

Back at the Smash Mansion, Peach was busy chatting with Zelda, Shulk and Mario. Soon, the conversation went from favourite foods to their friends and family back home.

Peach mentioned how she had a friend named Daisy who had been uber-excited to get into Smash, only to realise that she didn't make the cut after all.

'What's she doing now?" Zelda then asked.

At that moment, Daisy was in her bright orange bedroom in the castle in the Mushroom Kingdom, lying on her bed, shoving salted peanuts into her mouth while watching stupidly funny internet videos, completely unaware of what was about to transpire that afternoon.

 **Hello, it's me. How are you enjoying the story so far. Don't forget to leave a comment or review or whatever they're called. And what was your favourite/least favourite part of the story so far? I'd love to hear your responses :)**


	8. Chapter 8: Daisy's Flight

Chapter 8: Daisy's Flight

Daisy lay back on her dusky orange duvet and planted her feet - still in their tennis shoes - on an area of wall above her. She hoisted her laptop so it was sitting comfortably on her chest. She turned the volume up to ear-bleeding level and adjusted the brightness.

It had been a long hard day of golfing and shit and she was completely drained. Not only did she have to rush a Toad to hospital after she accidently let go of the golf club and it landed on his head, but she had to wash her clothes and hang them out to dry before the sun slipped behind the clouds and then make lunch for the Toad guards and servants, a task that Peach usually took care of. But now that bullshit was out of the way, and it was time for funny internet videos.

The sun decided not to bail after all, and sunlight was steadily streaming into her bedroom. The window was open and a warm breeze ruffled the curtains by the balcony. The air was sweet and refreshing, carrying the scents of roses and freshly mowed grass. There was plenty of salted peanuts for Princess Orange to snack on, and, better yet, That Fear had remained in It's rightful place in the darkest crevasses of her brain.

But of course, all good things must come to an end.

The computer beeped, indicating that the battery was running low.

"Oh, come on!" Daisy exclaimed. With an exasperated sigh, she shut her laptop, shoveled another handful of peanuts into her mouth, then turned her head and simply stared at the ceiling. Creamy white, with the light bulb and shade in the dead centre. Daisy tugged the skirt of her tennis dress down a little. It was quite peaceful here in the Mushroom Kingdom, with no Marios yelling "Yahoo!"s in the hallways, no Luigis pestering her in the dead of night because there was a (it's soo scary, Daisy!) fly in his room, no Peaches waking everybody up ridiculously early so she could do the vacuuming. Only the Toads remained, and they were lost without Mama Bird to guide them.

Daisy was lost in thought to the point where she didn't hear the glass shattering, but That Fear did, and curiously poked It's head out.

 _That Fear asks you what that was._

Daisy sat bolt upright, That Fear's words sending streams of ice through her veins. Glass breaking… glass giving way to a projectile and twinkling in protest. Dis one of the Toads accidentally break a window for the _second time?_ Or was it something more sinister?

(Shit I dunno)

(Go check)

(And go grab a cookie while you're at it)

Daisy creaked open her door. Nothing but uncomfortable silence. The Toads were playing baseball on the lawn. She was the only one inside, as far as she knew.

The princess stepped out into the hallway, one arm clutching her Daisy-bat, the other wrapped protectively around her laptop. Her wallet and phone felt like they were shaking inside her sports bra, where she always kept them. She prayed she wouldn't get a text.

Her shoes melted into the carpet, her body leaning towards the wall. Directly in front her was the staircase that led into the lounge-kitchenette. It turned a corner sharply, leaving a _huge_ blind spot where something, _anything_ could be lying in wait. And she'd never know until it was too late.

Left foot, right foot, left, she egged herself on cautiously. The silence grew into a deafening buzz that pressed against her ears. Now she was at the corner. She held perfectly still, her breath never leaving her nose.

 _Go._

She didn't budge.

 _Go._

No acknowledgement.

 _That fear says go...now!_

Her feet left their position. She was now standing at the top of the staircase.

Nothing was there.

Her breath freed itself from her lips. How dumb and paranoid she had been, to think that someone was trying to break into the castle! Once again, she had listened to That Fear, and she had let It's voice get to her head. Geezus. She hadn't even heard anything, but she had taken That Fear's word for it. It was probably just the Toads. Boy they were in for it, all right!

She padded down the stairs. (Now, time to get that cookie)

She stopped cold when she saw the peppered glass decorating the floor with their sharp beauty. The window was now just a hole in the wall.

Daisy's fingers tightened around her Daisy-bat. Fuck, fuck and triple fuck.

That Fear alerted her to the presence behind her, but she did not turn around. (I'm not some dumbass character in a horror movie)

Instead, her body seized up as the presence moved to directly above her. She could almost imagine the knotty black hair reaching down to scrape against her own brown locks. She could almost feel the head turning to look at her.

 _That Fear says run!_

Daisy was already out the door, leaping across the lawn like a gazelle.

She didn't stop until she reached the Metro-Cart system. She climbed into a cart along with several other people. She knew where she was going, and she didn't have to think twice about it.

Princess Daisy pulled her phone out of her tennis dress and dialled Stormy's number.


	9. Chapter 9: Tall Tales

Chapter 9: Tall Tales

"And that," Stormy said as she shoved a forkful of spaghetti into her mouth, "is how me and my cousin managed to destroy half the school and set exams back six years."

"Wow," Little Mac breathed, "that's impressive."

Lucina stood up. "Yes! Impressively stupid! You could have died!"

The teengaer simply shrugged. "Yeah, but whatever." She raised her glass of iced tea to her lips.

Stormy, Samus, Lucina, Palutena and their buddies had gone out to a backwater restaurant for dinner. And when the word 'backwater' is used, it means that the restaurant was positioned over the river that ran through the city. A walkway ran alongside it, treating walkers to the magnificent views of the prized, hard-won gardens. Plus, this particular area of river was in a back alley, hence 'backwater'.

Pit giggled. "I liked your story, Stormy. It was funny."

"And true."

The angel's mouth dropped. "Whoa, really?"

"Mhm. Me and my cousin, Ben, really did blow up our school."

"And here I was, still hoping that you were making it up for attention," Lucina mumbled.

Stormy heard, and said, "I stopped doing that years ago."

Samus slammed her empty beer bottle on the table and said "Okay, who's got another story to share?" loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear.

Marth's hand shot up faster than a speeding bullet. "Ooh ooh ooh, me me me!"

"'Kay, whatcha got?"

"I once saw a ghost giraffe!"

Sonic almost choked on his tomato consomme. "A fucking ghost giraffe? That's stupid!"

"It's true!"

The blue hedgehog chuckled. He clearly didn't believe what he was hearing.

Marth huffed and crossed his arms. "Yeah, well maybe if you saw it for yourself…"

Samus shook her head, an amused grin on her face. "Just tell us about the ghost giraffe, Marth."

"Fine. It all began one stormy grey night…"

"Skip the artistic intro." Palutena mumbled through a mouthful of soup.

Marth pouted, and then continued with his story. "So, I woke up in the middle of the night and I was thirsty so I got up out of bed to go get a drink of water. I went down the hallway, and there, I saw it! The ghost giraffe! It went right through the wall and into the dining hall! But when I went in, nothing was there!"

Little Mac was unimpressed. "Seriously? Even Pit could come up with a better story than _that_."

"But it's true! I swear on my life that I'm not making this up!"

Everyone simply rolled their eyes. Marth saw, and got angrier.

"Fine, don't believe me! I'm going to the bathroom."

"Yeah, and take your godawful ghost stories with you." Samus called after the prince.

Stormy turned to face the white angel. "Now Pit, since you're apparently a better storyteller than Marth, let's hear what you've got."

And so Pit launched into a tale of rocks, horses and rainbows that faintly resembled what someone having a drug trip might experience.

But everyone just shrugged and said "It's still better than Marth's story."

Marth came back to the table right when the waiter was bringing dessert to the other Smashers. They ranged from extravagantly iced cakes and buns to the kiddie ice cream sundae loaded with sprinkles. Everyone ate with relish except for Marth, who was still salty about the supposed ghost giraffe incident.

It was gone nine o'clock when they arrived back at the mansion. The party of eight changed into their sleepwear and passed out as soon as their heads hit their pillows.

The next morning, the Smashers filed into the cafeteria only to find that the Lumas had stolen all the fruit and were having some kind of fruit party in the observatory. They miserably choked down their boring muesli without fruit to spice it up.

Falco spied Amalia sitting with a blonde woman in the corner and practically leapt over to them. He slid into the seat next Amalia, saying "Hey, beautiful. Who's this?"

Amalia's eyelid twitched with anger.

The blonde gave a wide smile. "I'm Victoria! And you must be Falco. Amalia's told me so much about you!"

Falco's eyes widened. "What did she say about me?"

"Oh! She said you were rude, and unnaturally creepy, and that you need a life…"

"Ah," Falco nodded understandably "part of a good relationship is being honest with one another."

That comment earned the cocky blue bird a slap in the face and a threat detailing some very graphic stuff.

After Dark Pit managed to sneak over to Artemis's temple for breakfast(she makes nice pancakes - with strawberries too!) without getting caught by the mansion's resident bitch-goddess, the resident bitch-goddess in question approached him in the hallway.

"Hey!" she called sharply. "Pit's still in bed and it's past eight. Go wake him up."

"Why can't you just do it yourself?"

Palutena' eyes narrowed. "Just do what I ask you to, goddammit. The world doesn't revolve around you, you know."

Oh, the irony.

After a few more heated comments, Dark Pit was physically forced into the bedroom, with the door shut behind him. Little Mac was in there, sorting out his socks. He was visibly surprised to see Dark Pit being _forced_ to do Palutena's bidding.

Dark Pit stood on the second rung of the ladder on the bunks. He reached his hand out and shook Pit's shoulder.

"Get up, it's half past eight already."

Pit mumbled something incoherent and rolled over.

"Pit. Get the hell up. Now."

Pit swatted his clone away. "Nooo, later."

"For fucks sake, get up or Palutena's gonna flip out on…"

He didn't even have time to finish his sentence before Pit threw back the covers and leapt from his bunk.

"No no no no no, I don't want Lady Palutena to flip out on _me!_ "

Dark Pit cleared his throat. "Actually, I she would flip out on _me._ "

Pit stared at him, perplexed. "But why would she flip out on you? You're nice!"

Dark Pit, a little taken aback, said "Yeah, well she flips out on me all the time. Remember yesterday morning?"

Pit looked at him, before he turned and ran out of the room, still trying to put on his sandals as he did so. Dark Pit remained in the bedroom, wondering why Pit - of all people - had called him _nice_.

Pit, meanwhile, was frantically searching for his goddess. He was still a little incredulous of what Pittoo had said about Lady Palutena, but everything was slowly starting to add up. Why he never saw his clone in the hot springs or the training facilities. Why his bedroom was little more than a closet. Why he was always in the kitchen with the centaurians. Did Lady Palutena not trust him? Did she... _hate_ him? But why?

And - oh god - _why_ did he say that Pittoo was nice? Well, he is, kinda. To him, at least. But why did he have to say that out _loud_? Pittoo's gonna think he's weird!

Toonie hurled his boomerang. It struck Samus - in her Zero Suit - in the temple. She thrust her knee into his gut and the kid doubled over. Samus saw her chance and kicked him repeatedly with her jet heels. She watched gleefully as he spiraled through the sky out of sight.

"GAME!"

In the teletransporter, Toonie shoved the bounty hunter out of the way and stormed down the hall. Eh, whatever. He'll get over it. Ness'll make sure he will.

"Sup."

Stormy ran up to Samus. "Hey cool, you won."

Samus grinned, and flexed her arms. "Yep, that's how I roll."

Stormy stopped. "Hey, have you seen Peach? I got a call from Daisy last night saying that she's gonna stay at my house and watch my cats after all."

The blonde woman shook her head. "Nope. Haven't seen her."

In the Assist House, Saki and Samurai Goroh had gotten into a debate over whether they should try to reinhabit Kereshbough. Saki said that they should just send in zombie exterminators(do those even exist?) and Samurai Goroh said that it was impossible; the zombies were there to stay.

Lyn, who was watching, wasn't alive when Kereshbough was still a functioning part of society, but she was born a few years after the outbreak occurred. She had grown up fascinated with the remote islands story, from the notorious 'Colourful Cat' to the ridiculous number of people shipwrecked there. She was neither here nor there on the repopulate argument, but that didn't stop people discussing it in front of her.

Chrom came up behind her, leaned down and said "What do you think of this goddam argument? Annoying, eh?"

Lyn turned around in her roller chair. "Well, as a matter of fact I think it's rather interesting." When Chrom didn't reply she continued. "I mean, this could become an important question in the future, if things get too overcrowded. It'll be tough and dangerous work getting rid of all the zombies, but people need a place to live. But what I'm worried about is the Colourful Cat."

Chrom wore a bamboozled expression on his face. "Uh, I meant that the argument was getting out of hand, and that this issue doesn't really concern us. But now that you mention it, what the hell is this Colourful Cat?"

Lyn hesitated, then began to speak. "The Colourful Cat is a gang, one of the most notorious in history. The gangs founder had a little sister who owned a stuffed toy, which was a multicoloured cat. Anyway, she was killed by a rival gang, who kept her cat as a trophy. The Colourful Cat was formed when the founder gathered his friends to get revenge."

"Well, you certainly seem to know a lot. Why don't you go over there and put an end to that argument before someone gets hurt?"


	10. Chapter 10: Fun Day

Chapter 10: Fun Day

In Zelda's dream, she was sitting on a stool that was on the porch of a rustic wooden cabin. The cabin itself was perched on the edge on a grassy cliff, with a beach to the left and ocean in every other direction as far as the eye can see.

Zelda stood up and walked over to the very edge. A breeze ruffled her long brown hair that hung freely from her usual decorations. The grass felt silky and cold. Behind her, she could feel a presence in the cabin, though she did not turn to see who it was. Judging by the sky, it looked to be late afternoon. The sun was shining directly into the princess' face.

She instinctively threw her hands up to cover her eyes. As she did, she felt slippery, clammy fingers encircle around her ankle and pull.

Zelda was sent tumbling over the edge of the cliff towards the sea below. A scream burst from her lips and she helplessly thrust her hands towards the sky. As she did, she swore she could make out the dark, almost void eyes and the crazy smile that accompanied them.

Zelda sat bolt upright in bed and smacked her head against the ceiling. Top bunks were the worst sometimes.

Her hands instantly went for her ankle. As skin touched skin, the damp feeling disappeared instantly. She was safe. No cabin, no cliff, nothing. Just the same cramped bedroom as everyone else in this mansion.

She didn't even have time to clear her mind and calm down, because Peach excitedly announced that she'd conned Master Hand into bringing back the Young Ones programme, and everyone under the age of twenty was going on an orientation picnic that day. Zelda groaned in frustration at the thought of the YO programme, which she had been forced into last tournament. The YO programme was introduced to keep the younger smashers out of trouble by sending them on trips and activities with everyone in a certain age group which surprise surprise, just so happened to contain Zelda. She didn't see the point in going. She was too old for that crap. And she said so to Peach.

As a result, Peach physically forced Zelda into the games room where the other kids were waiting. She was relieved to see Shulk sitting by the pool table, where he was watching Ness and Toonie duke it out with the pool table stick-thingys. Link was also there, trying to break up the fight between the two.

Eventually, Chrom entered the games room, followed by Lyn. The "young ones" stopped to stare at them.

"Hello, my name is Chrom, and this is Lyn. We're here because Master Hand has asked us to be the leaders of this tourneys Young Ones programme. As part of this programme, you will hopefully stay out of trouble by engaging in harmless physical and mental activities and develop healthy and meaningful relationships with your peers."

"My god, you sound like Kanan when he's yelling at Ezra and Zeb to stop fighting." Stormy droned from the corner.

"What, preachy as hell?" Toonie cackled.

Chrom pulled out a clipboard and began roll call. "Okay, Toonie and Stormy are here, then there's Ness, Link, Pit, the other Pit, Shulk, Little Mac and...Zelda! Okay, we all here?...good lets go!"

Next thing she knew, Zelda was in the back seat of an obviously brand new minivan, squashed between Link and Shulk. In the middle seats were Little Mac and the two angels, while Ness and Toonie rode shotgun with Chrom and Lyn while Stormy was in the boot, much to her chagrin.

Chrom turned the key and the engine grumbled into life. They began pulling away from the mansion gates, the charcoal-black ornate designs shone in the sunlight.

Twenty seconds down the road and Ness and Toonie were already bickering about God knows what. Not only that, but they were taking swipes at each other and kicking frantically. Chrom looked as if he was about to start crying from frustration.

"Geez," Link commented, "so glad we don't argue like that."

"Well said." That was all Zelda had to say.

As if to retaliate, the fighting increased in volume. Now there was just too much noise in a tiny space. Stormy, along with everyone else in the van, had had enough.

"If you two don't shut the fuck up, I'll take your hats and EAT THEM!"

Most would laugh in confusion at a threat like that, but it worked perfectly. The two kids instantly grabbed their headwear and crammed it further on their heads.

"Noo! Please don't eat our hats!"

"Yeah, they weren't cheap, ya know!" Toonie paused for a bit, then continued speaking. "Besides, they're way better than Captain Falcon's lame hat."

"I think it's more of a helmet," Little Mac said.

"Hey, speaking of Captain Falcon," Link added, "I share a room with him and I walked in a couple days ago and the entire fucking room smelled like cum."

"Ew" came a voice from the boot.

Lyn groaned. "What was he doing in there?"

"I bet he was whipping it out." Toonie giggled.

"Probably. He completely denied it, though." Link sighed.

Pit turned around with a confused expression on his face. "Uh, what's cum? And what does "whipping it out" mean? Is it like a reference to whipping cream?"

The entire van went silent. Even the talkative Toonie shut his mouth. Nobody could think of what to say - and how to say it - to the too-innocent-for-his-own-good angel.

"I dibs not telling him!" Stormy announced.

The contents of the van let out simultaneous groans.

"Look Pit," Chrom finally said, "we'll discuss this later. For now, let's just keep going."

After half an hour of driving and brooding, they arrived at their destination: the most prestigious garden in all of Crescent Moon. Which is saying something, since Crescent Moon is famed for its gardens.

Near the vans parking spot stood a snooty looking couple, easily in their fifties or sixties. Behind them was a lush green hill lined with fountains, neatly trimmed hedges and flowers coloured pretty shades of pastel.

As Chrom opened the door, Ness, Toonie and Pit ran underfoot and made a beeline for the hill, axebent on rolling down it as fast as possible.

Zelda watched them through the window and almost wished it was socially acceptable for a princess such as herself to roll down the hill without passers by thinking, what is a princess doing, dirtying herself up? Shouldn't she be indoors, drinking delicately flavoured tea and practising her curtseys?

Her thoughts were interrupted by Shulk suddenly blurting out "whipping cream!" and he and the others collapsed into fits of laughter.

Dark Pit, however, watched his twin rolling down the hill, getting greener and greener with grass blood, and the amusingly mortified looks on the snooty couples faces. He knew it was gonna be his responsibility to watch Pit, even though Chrom and Lyn were more than capable, but Palutena would have a fit if anything happened to her precious little Pit.

The old woman, who possessed a face like that of a cats butt, sauntered over to the van, looking most displeased.

"Please sir, when we sooo graciously allowed you to use our gardens to host a picnic, we had no idea your children would be so dearly out of control!" She exclaimed to Chrom.

Chrom rushed an apology, saying that they just needed to stretch their legs and they would clean up any mess that they made.

The old lady sniffled. "Excellent, because the cost of any damage is coming straight from your paycheck."

After Chrom spoke to the three grassy green beans and got them cleaned up, it was time for lunch.

Lyn unraveled the picnic blanket. It had a bizarre zigzag pattern coloured black and yellow and neon blue. Quite interesting to look at but stood out like a sore thumb amidst the plush grass.

Chrom heaved two huge baskets and plonked them down in the middle of the blanket.

"Right," he announced. "The brown one has the food we're gonna start off with and the black one has stuff for dessert. So no snooping in there. Got it?"

"Can we just hurry up and eat?" Stormy said impatiently, "I'm starving."

So the all sat down and tucked into their sandwiches(the first things Chrom handed out) ravenously.

Except Zelda.

She was hungry, but that odd and creepy dream had taken the edge off of her appetite. So she sat and stared at the tomato and chicken sandwich on the paper plate in front of her.

"Are you gonna finish that?" Pit spoke with his mouth full. Of course he had downed three sandwiches before anyone had even finish their first.

"No," the princess shrugged.

"Zelda," Link began, "are you alright? You haven't eaten a thing."

"I'm not hungry." Was the response.

"Don't overuse that. People will stop believing you if you do."

Link stared at Stormy, shocked. "Stormy, what the actual fuck?" She simply smiled devilishly.

"It's just this dream I had last night. It's kinda put me off of food for now."

"You had a dream, eh? Was it about meeeee?" Shulk asked sweetly.

That got a laugh out of Zelda. "No, but I wish it was. Instead I dreamed that someone pulled me off a cliff. And whoever it was had the most insane look I've ever seen. With a creepy ass smile to boot."

Link made a choking noise. "Y-you saw her too?"

"Saw who? Yo mama? I bet it was yo mama!" Ness chimed in.

"No Ness, it wasn't my mama. It was…"

But before Link could say any more, the old lady shrieked from the edge of the garden. Everyone looked in that direction.

Stormy was kneeling by a flowerbed composed of delicate purple flowers shaped like little bells and was reaching out as if to touch one and inspect it further.

The old lady was by her side in a heartbeat. "No! Please, we beg of you, do not touch the foxglove! They were imported all the way from the Earthen country of New Zealand and do not need your grubby fingers pulling them apart!" The old lady finished her rant and stared down disappointingly at Stormy.

But Stormy stared defiantly back and said, "Geezus lady, I only wanted to have a look. And here you are, practically cramming your flowers history down my throat!"

Lyn walked over and gently placed her hands on Stormy's shoulders. "Stormy, come away now and finish lunch. Leave the flowers alone."

Stormy gritted her teeth. "Fine."

The two walked back to the blanket and sat down to the pasta salad that Chrom was serving out of two huge plastic containers.

"Ya know what's weird?" Shulk exclaimed to Link, "Stormy was jus' sitting next to you and not three seconds later, she was over by the flowers. We got a sneakster in our midst!"

Link laughed. "Yeah, you might be right."

Once the pasta salad dishes were cleared away, Stormy seemed to have gotten over the flower incident. She pulled out her phone and plugged it into a small box-shaped speaker. Just a few taps on her phones screen resulted in spacey 80's pop echoing through the gardens via the speaker.

"YEAH!" Toonie shouted as he and Ness stood up and began to dance in the most obnoxious way possible. Well, Toonie was at least. Ness was genuinely trying to dance like a normal human being and not like a cow whose tail had been jammed into an electrical socket.

Then Pit couldn't resist the beat and busted out a few dance moves of his own. He was quickly followed by Shulk and Stormy herself. And not even Lyn could resist the beat. Neither could Link. Or Little Mac. Or Zelda.

Zelda was running out of breath. But she couldn't stop. It was too exhilarating, twirling around in a circle, waving her arms in the air and laughing without anyone judging her. Somewhere, Ness and Toonie were giggling like girls at a sleepover but Zelda paid no attention to them. She was in her own little dizzying world and no one could pull her out of it.

Except for the old man who marched over and slammed the 'pause' button on Stormy's phone.

"NO MUSIC ALLOWED ON THE PREMISES!" He screamed.

The kids stopped their moves and "awwww"ed simultaneously.

The old man shook his head disapprovingly. "You people have been disruptive enough. Pack up your things and leave immediately. And," he waggled a finger at Chrom, "we expect to be paid double for the trouble you have caused us."

Chrom's head dropped. "Yes sir. Alright you lot, let's pack up."

"Will we still get dessert?" Pit asked, still thinking of food as usual.

"No! You all need to learn how to behave before you can have dessert!" Chrom snapped.

"Hey, that's exactly what Kanan once said to Ezra!" Stormy whispered to Little Mac.

Chrom had finally wrestled the kids back into the van and was about to step in himself when he was approached by the old lady.

"When can we expect to be paid?" She demanded.

"Um, I'll have to ask Master Hand about that, but uh, hopefully in the next week or so." He gave a weak apologetic smile but was met with the 'hand wave of dismissal' that all snooty people love to use.

After the van had rounded a bend in the road, Lyn reached up her hand for the whole van to see and flourished a reddish-brown leather wallet that must have undoubtedly cost a fortune.

"Hey, who wants a treat?"

Above the clamourings of "me me me!", Chrom turned to Lyn and said, "Where did you get that?!" He was met with a sneaky grin and he understood.

They stopped by an ice cream store in the city. They 'oooh'ed and 'aaah'ed at the refreshing site of the crystal-clear windows and decor and the array of ice cream and gelato before them.

As they exited with their icy treats they spied the mall. The first shopping mall most of them has seen, as they were still relatively new to the wonders of this strange new world.

"Can we go in? Pleeeeease?!" Pit begged, his lips covered in chocolate ice cream.

Chrom shrugged. "You know what, let's do it!"

Lyn patted the wallet in her pocket. "Now you're talking. Everything's on me!"

As soon as the set foot through the sliding glass doors, the party of eleven all took off in their own separate directions with the instructions to find Lyn, who had the wallet, if they wanted anything.

Pit had run off in search of more dessert but Dark Pit had stayed behind. He wandered aimlessly through the seemingly endless and impossibly shiny hallways full of shops that sold all sorts of bits and bobs, mindlessly licking at his strawberry gelato.

So many stores, so many things being sold and so many dollars to spend. He didn't know where to look first. This place confused him. People come here to spend their hard-earned cash on semi-useless junk? How fun.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Pit was tearing around, in and out of stores and up and down the hallways. So much fun to be here. Here, he has money to spend. And he had a wide variety of random stuff to choose from! Anything he wanted, he could get it! He was just like all of the other ordinary citizens who had come here with the same purpose in mind!

Little Mac stopped by the supplements store to check it out and Lyn appeared behind him.

"Want something?"

Little Mac didn't say a word. Instead, he picked up a comically large container of protein shake powder and pointed at the front counter. Lyn got the message and whipped out the wallet.

Pit had found a small gourmet bakery and immediately set his sights on an enormous raspberry cream gateau. It towered above everything else in the display, covered in velvet red icing and blobs of cream shaped like little stars. Pit's breath and drool was fogging up the glass of the display case.

Lyn sauntered up to him. "Got something in mind, Pit?"

Pit turned and gave Lyn the most pleading look ever. Lyn rolled her eyes with a smile and ordered the gateau.

Stormy sifted through the rack, jostling aside various dresses. She pulled off one in particular and skipped off to the dressing room.

When she emerged, guess who showed up?

Lyn admired the dress Stormy picked. It was sleeveless and cut off just above her breasts, leaving her arms and shoulders uncovered. The top wrapped around her torso and met at the back where they were tied into a bow. There was so much left over that the string parts of the bow only just reached the floor. The skirt part was also floor-length and gave the appearance of a hoop underneath giving the skirt its circular shape when there was in fact none. The entire dress was coloured a mesmerising swirl of blue and green.

Lyn was almost shocked. "Wow, I certainly didn't expect to see something like that in a store like this."

"Neither did I. So can I get it?"

"Of course! Now listen; are you any good at cracking codes and PIN numbers?"

Stormy pulled a thumbs-up. "You know it!" She declared.

Lyn leaned in a little closer. "Good, because I'm nearly out of cash. We'll pay for that dress now and then can you run this credit card to an ATM, find the PIN number and withdrawal some more cash."

"Sounds good." Stormy nodded. "How much cash do you need?"

Lyn winked. "Use your judgment."

Zelda glided her diners over the bow. It was painted white and yellow. The Suns colours. The bow of light. The arrows were also of matching colours.

Link was over on the other side of the store, marvelling over diamond-encrusted armour. She came up to him. "You likey?"

"Me wanty."

Zelda giggled. "I wonder what Midna would say if she saw you in that!"

"Well," Link thought out loud, "she'd probably say I look like Steve, then she'd go back on it and call me a sexy beast and then…"

"Hey," Zelda hurriedly cut Link off before he could get into the juicy details, "that's Steve over there!" She pointed towards the block man.

"Yo Steve! Over here!" Link called.

"Oh hey!" Steve wandered towards them. "What'ch guys doing here?"

"Going on a reckless shopping spree." Lyn had shown up once again with more cash than she had ever held in her life.

Steve chuckled. "Wish I had the money to do that. But anyway, how's Smash going?"

"Well for starters, Murphy's law sort of failed to work, so that's something." Link cracked up at his own joke while Lyn sneakily paid for the armour.

Shulk made a mad dash for cover behind a plushy seating area. He was down to his last two bullets, so he needed to make them count. Especially since he was outnumbered two to one.

He then heard the dreaded sound of someone cocking a nerf gun and "Shulky Shulk, where aaaaaaare youuuuuuu?"

Shulky hands became more slippery with sweat, making it difficult to hold the gun properly.

Acting on impulse, he barrel-rolled out of his hiding spot and squeezed the trigger. The foam bullet narrowly missed Ness' leg as he the-floor-is-lava style jumped around the seating area. Toonie seized the moment to jump in and pelted Shulk with machine gun rounds of foam bullets. The blonde man was now on the floor, cry-laughing and begging Toonie to please stop shooting him.

Ness triumphantly planted his foot on Shulk's back and declared "we're the champions now!"

Toonie cradled his nerf gun. "Man, I am so glad we got these. These things are sweet as!"

Lyn found Dark Pit in the bookstore, staring enchantedly at the literal hundreds of books lining the shelves. He had only seen this amount of books in Artemis' library, but it never occurred to him that she had to have got them from somewhere.

The swordswoman poked his shoulder. "Anything strike your fancy?"

Dark Pit picked out several books and, almost shyly, held them out.

"Could I get these?"

"You sure can, dude!" Lyn mentally shook her head at how different these two angels were. One wanted to eat and the other wanted to read. Different indeed.

An hour later, the eleven members of the YO programme met up at the entrance, their arms weighed down with bags full of assorted goodies. It was time to go back to the mansion.

And guess who was stuck in the back with all the shopping?

When they arrived back home, no one appeared to have even noticed they were gone. Except for Palutena and Samus.

They stood together on the front porch and ran to greet their respective smashers.

"Well, shit, how'd you afford all that?!" Samus asked Stormy. It's a long-ass story you're gonna like, trust me, the teen had responded with.

"Lady Palutena!"

"Hello Pit." She smiled, "it seems like you had a lot of fun."

"I did! We went to a picnic, then we got ice cream, then we went to my first ever shopping mall! It was awesome!" Palutena was a little surprised at his level of energy.

Dark Pit hurried into his bedroom. Luckily no one was in there. Good. If anyone saw him with this it would be really embarrassing to explain.

He hoisted himself up into his bunk and made himself comfortable. He took a breath and pulled out one on the books he had bought. But this was not like any ordinary book.

It was erotica.

Gay erotica.

You shouldn't be so embarrassed about it, Dark Pit told himself. Lots of people read erotica. It-it's normal. Perfectly normal.

Plus, it made him feel a little better about his sexuality.

There's nothing wrong with my sexuality, is there? No of course not. Of course not.

Then, why am I too embarrassed to tell anyone? Do I have to tell anyone? No, I'm just being paranoid. No sane person is going to brand me an outcast because if that. But Palutena might. But what the fuck does she know about anything?

He opened the book and began reading.

Before long, he needed relief. And no one else was going to do it except himself. Might as well do it in the shower. Get clean, get rid of any giveaway smells, the opposite of what Captain Falcon did.

The room was still empty, so he could take all the time he needed.

The shower sprang to life when he turned it on and swung the temperature lever to in between the lukewarm and hot settings.

The dark angel stripped down and stepped into the tub part and sat down. Part bath, part shower, couldn't the designers make up their minds?

The water dripped down his face and clung to his skin and hair. Now, time to get down to business.

His hand crept lower until it reached its destination. His thighs were sticky, but not because of the water.

He grabbed his member and a shiver ran up his spine. He took a quick breath and began a slow stroking motion. Good, but not enough. He was already so hard from what he read. He thought back to it, the description of what exactly was transpiring and as he recalled those words and paragraphs his hand began to move faster and faster until it seemed like he was going to cum and it kind of hurt but in a good way and he wanted that feeling of being held back but he also desperately wanted to release all he had inside him.

He was wet and hard and completely alone, no one could hear his low moan of pleasure yet he wanted someone to hear his voice, to come to him and help him release. Someone who is good at answering a cry with a sweet heartwarming action. The first person to spring to mind was Pit.

And then he finally came.

He looked down and his hand and thighs were covered in "whipped cream". Dark Pit lay back against the edge of the tub and sighed contently. He had done it. The water cascaded over him, bringing more warmth to his body. He was in a state of total relaxation until he heard a high-pitched squeal of a voice in his bedroom. That was when he sat bolt upright.

It sounded like one of those blasted Lumas.

(It was).

"Helloooo…?" The Luma called. "Is someone in the shower? Come out! I know you're in there! Mama needs help and…"

For fucks sake, Dark Pit thought, couldn't he have a moment of peace?

"Go away!" He growled.

"But," the voice persisted, "Mama needs help with something! Were you not listening…?"

Dark Pit stood up angrily and a little too quickly. He lost his balance and slipped backwards, smacking his head against the taps. He let out a yell of pain and his vision went a little blurry. A stinging pain erupted in the back of his head.

"Are you okay?" The Luna chirped, "I'm coming in to see if you're okay!"

"For gods sake, fuck off!" Dark Pit was furious at the thought of having his privacy invaded.

"No I have to see if your alright…" The Luma pushed open the door and the whole scene was revealed to him.

"...MAMA! MISTER DARK PIT NEEDS HELP!" The star baby turned and floated, screaming down the hallway.

"Oh sweetie, do stop yelling… I'm sure Dark Put doesn't need his private business broadcast everywhere.."

Damn right I don't, the angel thought.

"Dark Pit, are you all right?" Came the gentle voice.

He struggled to find his voice. His head stung and he was pissed off and still partially aroused at the same time.

"BUT MAMA, HIS HEAD'S BLEEDING!" The Luma was in a state of shock, obviously.

"Oh!" Without thinking, Rosalina opened the door. Her jaw dropped at the sight of the naked angel.

"AUUUUGUUUUEEE!" She shrieked, and shielded her eyes.

"Get out get out get out!" Dark Pit was madly embarrassed about being so exposed. He grabbed a nearby towel and wrapped it round his waist. He said "it's okay to look now."

Rosalina uncovered her eyes and immediately rushed to his side.

"Oh honey, you are bleeding!" She gently placed her fingers over the wound in an attempt to staunch the flow of blood. Dark Pit hissed in pain and she pulled him closer. With her free hand, she grapes the hand towel and pressed that against the angels head.

"It's going to be alright. I'll try and stop the blood." She turned to the Luma. "Cosma, send for Dr Mario at once."

"Yes Mama!" Cosma tittered.

"What a terrible thing to happen, I do hope you get better soon…" Rosalina muttered, before gently lifting him up and carrying him out of the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" Dark Pit asked, feeling oddly drowsy(does that usually happens after having an accident?).

"You must lie down now." She placed him on his stomach, with his forehead resting against the pillow of his bunk.

As they waited for Dr Mario, Dark Pit stole a glance at Rosalina. Just what he feared. A heavy blush was covering her cheeks, and he noted the telltale smell. The water had failed to wash some of the liquid away.

She knew, and he knew she knew.

Whew, longest chapter I've ever written. I had so much fun writing this and I hope you had just as much fun reading it as I did writing it! ;)


	11. Chapter 11: I Can't Even

**Chapter 11: I Can't Even...**

 **Hello!**

 **I just wanted to say sorry about the sheer amount of spelling mistakes in the last chapter. I was typing it out on my phone and it kept autocorrecting :( well at least I learned a valuable lesson about proofreading!**

 **Also, the song Beebs is singing is "Graveyard Girl" by M83.**

 **Anyway, on with the chapter...!**

When Cosma returned with the news that Doctor Mario couldn't be bothered to come, Rosalina decided to take matters into her own hands. She once again scooped the angel up and marched down into the lower levels of the mansion. Down the blindingly white halls she went until she came across the door to the infirmary. She kicked the door open with her foot and yelled for someone's attention.

Doctor Mario jumped out of his chair at all the noise. He spied the blood staining the sleeves of Rosalina's dress and said "What the…"

"Do not play the 'what the' card with me, Doc. Cosma and I asked for your assistance and you refused!"

Doc scratched the back of his scalp. "Cosma, you say? I haven't seen her all day. And what's this about needing assistance?"

Rosalina's arms slacked with surprise, to the point where Dark Pit found himself slipping from her grasp.

Doc rushed forward and supported the feathery bundle. "Rosa! Be careful! Here, lay him down on one of the beds…"

Once Dark Pit was positioned on the bed, Doc began to examine his head wound.

"That's quite a lot of blood for the head injury you sustained…"

Rosalina gasped. "Will he be alright?"

Doc waved reassuringly. "Yeah yeah he'll be fine. Just need to clean the wound, see if we can patch it up and he'll be as good as gold."

"Good. Because I need to have a word to Cosma about honepsty…"

Dark Pit was thanking whatever divine being that was preventing Doc from asking why he was almost buck naked and wet in more ways than one. He now welcomed the prospect of getting all this goddamn blood cleaned off.

"Death is her boyfriend…she spits on summers and smiles to the night…" Beebs' voice was as smooth as butter and as cold as ice. "She collects crowns made of black roses...but her heart's made of bubblegum…"

Falco sat behind the drum set, his hands and arms working hard to keep the beat aligned with the singing.

Lucina lay splayed out on one of the chairs. After a stressful day of battles, she could finally relax and unwind. Her foot absentmindedly followed the beat of the drums. Duck Hunt were curled up on a nearby chair. But when Hunt's ears perked up at the sound of bare feet rapidly slapping the wooden floors of the hallway, Lucina began dreading who was next going to walk in.

Stormy threw open the door to the music room and pulled out a saxophone. Lucina thought she might interrupt Falco and Beebs but luckily for them they finished up.

Robin clapped loudly from where he stood near the doorway. "Bravo, Bibi!"

Beebs blushed. "Thanks, and don't call me that!"

"Hold up," Stormy said, "her name is Bibi?"

"Yes!" Beebs, her face as red as a fire engine, dashed out of the room.

"She doesn't really like being called Bibi," Robin explained.

"Then why'd you call her that just now?"

Robin shrugged. "Brother-sister stuff."

Stormy leaped up onto the stage in front of the microphone. She raised the saxophone to her lips and began a five second loop of a short tune everyone had heard at some point in their lives.

"OH GOD." Falco ran for the safety of anywhere but the music room. Robin slowly backed away. Hunt let out an annoyed howl. And Lucina felt her temper rising.

In the Assist House, Toonie burst into the living room. Saki, who had previously been sitting on the couch minding his own business, threw up his hands as the boy circled around him, nerf gun in hand.

The crackling sound of a potato chip being stepped on brought Toonie's attention to a passing Waluigi.

"Hold still, prisoner!" Toonie yelled.

"WAAAAAH, NOT AGAIN!" Waluigi whined.

Toonie ordered his two prisoners onto the couch, where they were to remain unless they wanted to die a very slow death by foam bullets. Toonie smiled to himself. He had captured the kitchen, living room and downstairs bathroom.

(Let's see Ness, Shulk and Zelda beat this!)

In reality, Shulk was sitting with Zelda in the empty fountain near the edge of the mansion gardens, their backs propped up against the statue in the middle. His gun lay forgotten next to him.

"So yeah, that's how I ended up on this planet." Shulk concluded.

Zelda nodded. "I just use the teletransporters."

"Well, they are reliable."

"Mmn. I got a kingdom to run and it's easier this way to pop back and forth to check up on things."

Shulk looked up at the sky, which was beginning to take on a orange-purple colour. "Do ya ever wonder what life is like on all the other planets?"

"Yeah, I do." Zelda placed her hand down next to Shulk's. Shulk swallowed the nervous lump in his throat and spoke.

"I kinda wanna know how good their internet connection is. And if they can make good cake. Cause it's not an existence without cake or Internet."

As Zelda laughed, Shulk inched his hand closer and closer until his fingers overlapped hers. She glanced down and said, "Oh, don't be shy. Take my hand."

Shulk grinned in relief and took her hand and caressed it with his thumb. (Now, smooth talk. Ladies love the smooth talk.)

"So," Shulk combed his hair back with his fingers, "I, uh, well...you umm, er...uh" His confidence had drained in less than a second. How embarrassing that was!

Zelda stared at him. "Are you trying to smooth talk?"

"Whuh..? How did you k-know?"

The princess sighed. "Men used to try and smooth-talk me all the time. It was sooo annoying. But you...you're great enough without having to small talk."

Shulk felt his cheeks become hotter. "Um, I t-think you're g-great too, Zelda!"

Zelda's expression softened. She sat back on her heels. "You're amazing, Shulk. When we were announced as buddies I thought it was going to be horrible since we didn't know anything about each other, but it wasn't! It's not! All the other boys just try to act all cool and mature but you! You just want to have fun and I really like that. I can't think of many times when I had 'fun'. And you're funny and...cute and...I like you…"

Zelda leaned back and cast her eyes skyward. "I know this is kinda awkward since girls don't usually make the first move, but what I said was true."

Shulk lifted his free hand and rubbed Zelda's cheek. "I think you're amazing too. Most of the girls I've known were all mature and serious but you, um, while y-you are mature, you also love laughing a-and are willing to get dirty if it means having f-fun. And I thought, why else would you play with Toonie and Ness and me?"

Zelda brought her face even closer to Shulk's. "Because I love you. I know it's only been a few days, but I know what my heart wants. You."

"I-I love y-you too!" Shulk swallowed yet another anxious feeling in his throat. This is it! Second base is open for the taking!

He leaned forwards and Zelda mirrored his movements. He spied through his half-lidded eyes that their lips were very close now. Yes! His first kiss was only seconds away from occurring! Just a little closer and…

Zelda shrieked as they were suddenly flooded by a torrent of water. Shulk stumbled out of the once dry fountain, the princesses gloved hand still firmly in his grasp. They practically face planted into the grass and wiped the water from their faces.

"Har har har har har har har har har!"

It was Stormy. She had used her Force-induced hydrokinesis powers to bring the fountain to life. She now stood half obscured by a nearby hedge, practically dying of laughter.

Zelda was furious. "Stormy! How could you?!"

"I-I'm sorrry! I ddin't mean t-to cockblock you g-guys..oh wait! Y-yes I did!"

Shulk turned his head in disgust...and was promptly smacked in the face by a foam bullet.

Toonie emerged from behind a tree. "You failed to keep your captured land secure. You're out."

Back in the infirmary, Robin had entered to grab some painkillers for the headache brought on by Stormy's saxophone playing, and ended up staying to watch Dark Pit. Rosalina had left to find Cosma and Doc just up and left to grab some dinner, leaving the tactician to babysit the angel.

Robin knelt by the bedside. "How's your head feeling, buddy?"

Dark Pit glared daggers at him. "Don't 'buddy' me. Especially after the shit you do with that bitch."

Robin knew exactly who the 'bitch' was. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, I do. Maybe Pit doesn't, but I do."

The white-haired male sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. If I'd known about her mistreatment of you earlier, I would have said something. But when she hit you with her staff for having private thoughts...I just didn't know what to do. Ask her about it when she's still mad or talk to her about it when she's calmed down and at her most blunt?"

Dark Pit shrugged. "You have a point."

Robin knelt down even lower, so his face was level with Dark Pit's. "Also, quick question: how do you know about me and…"

"You two are really loud."

Robin recalled particular memories and he developed an embarrassed smile. "Promise you won't tell anyone. Bibi would never forgive me."

"Bandage my head and I'll think about it."

Robin wound the bandages as best he could, considering he wasn't a medical professional. Doc is really irresponsible, he thought. Abandoning a patient for the sake of getting some food? What the hell?

When Robin turned away to retrieve some medical tape, he heard a "what do you even see in her, anyway?" muffled by the pillow.

Stormy was on the move once more.

Which was good, since Shulk and Zelda were on the verge of strangling her for what she did to them.

She wandered around to the eastern side of the building. Peach was kneeling beside the flowerbed digging up all the weeds that had been choking up the tulips since Brawl ended.

Stormy turned away. Flowers brought back the memory of the old lady screaming at her. Wonder how she feels about Lyn nicking her wallet…

The teen continued on down a garden path that wound its way towards the garden sheds. One of said sheds had just been built since the shed next to it was old, rusted and just a safety hazard in general. Stormy approached it. It had yet to be torn down. People's names were scratched into the termite-eaten door. Snake, Pichu, Nana and Popo, Roy. She briefly wondered who these people were and how they were getting on in life now.

She ran her hand along the wall of the newly built shed. It was wooden and smelled strongly of pine. The planks still had those little knots in them, probably to keep that rustic touch. Some of them were deep enough for a curious teenage girl to stick her thumbs in.

The new shed was much taller than the other one. There was quite a gap between them but Stormy reckoned she could make it. Yes, a brainwave had hit her and she was reluctant to turn around and say, are you crazy?

Using the knots in the wood as handholds, Stormy gently but quickly eased herself up the wall. She reached the top and surveyed the area. The shed wasn't that tall but standing atop it gave her a new perspective of her immediate surroundings.

She was level with most trees. She could see over the top of the hedges and get a semi-clear view of the Assist House. She could almost see through the second floor windows of the mansion itself, though the distance obscured everything a little bit. She swore she could make out Amalia and Falco in one window and Bowser in another.

Turning away from the mansion, Stormy focused on her goal: to jump from one shed roof to the other. Dumb in theory for more than one reason, but she craved the thrill it gave her.

She stepped back to give her more space to move, then suddenly dashed forwards. At the edges, she thrust her body skywards. Her feet left the roof and prepared the landing. She saw the rusted roof rapidly approaching and squeezed her eyes shut.

She clearly didn't think this whole thing through properly, otherwise she would have questioned whether the roof would support her weight.

The sounds of metal scraping and twisting echoed throughout the garden.

Peach, who was weeding nearby, was first on the scene, and to be met with the collapsed shed. By some comedic intervention, the door and door frame were still standing.

Peach opened the door. Stormy was lying under a sheet of metal, with only her bare feet, now all scraped up, sticking out from underneath.

"Oh god!" Peach rushed forward and attempted to lift the sheet of metal off Stormy. "Stormy, what happened?!"

Sonic came barreling around the corner. "What's all the noise…" He paused at the scene.

"Don't just stand there! Help me get this off her!"

Sonic went round the other side and grabbed hold. "Okay, on the count of three."

One…

Two…

"Three!"

The two heaved and strained their arms. Finally, they moved the metal aside.

"Oh fuck!" Sonic shouted at the sight of more metal. Beams, sheets, old light fittings were defiantly preventing them from reaching Stormy.

"Stormy!" Peach cried as she frantically threw aside small scrap after small scrap, "Can you hear me?"

Suddenly, the metal pile rose up and out popped Stormy.

"How did you know it was her? She was like, completely covered!" Sonic called to Peach.

"Because no one else would be dumb enough to try this!"

"Oh," the hedgehog stole a glance at the new shed. "Wait, how'd you know she jumped on it?"

Peach planted her hands on her hips. "It's a little obvious, don't you think?"

"Eurgh!" Stormy exclaimed, "And I thought this hunk of junk was gross on the outside!" She turned around and spat on the ground before climbing out of the wreckage with no fucks given about her bare feet.

Sonic walked round to help her out when he realised what she spat on the ground.

It was a bloody tooth.

"Hey, open your mouth!" He ordered. Stormy rolled her eyes but obliged.

"Fucking hell, man," Sonic said.

"What? What is i…" Peach gasped when she saw what Sonic had seen. "Stormy! We need to get you to a doctor right away!"

Rosalina was still in a bad mood from having to deal with Cosma. How dare she disobey orders when someone was in need of medical attention!

Rosalina was rarely ever mad, so everyone was surprised when she snapped at Bowser Junior during dinner time for an otherwise harmless Yo Mama joke. She took the plate of pizza from LOLSKUXX and stormed down to the infirmary, passing Robin on the way.

Before entering the infirmary, she took a deep breath and composed herself before pushing open the door.

Doc had returned earlier and now sat at his desk scoffing his pizza. Dark Pit lay in bed on his stomach. He appeared to be staring off in the distance.

Rosalina approached him. He did not acknowledge her.

As she knelt down to pat his shoulder, the door flew open. Peach hurried in carrying Stormy, while Sonic followed close behind.

"HELP!" Peach screamed.

Doc sat up, spitting crumbs all over the previously spotless floor. "What now?"

"It's Stormy. She knocked a tooth out!" Sonic explained.

"And her feet! They're all scraped and bruised!" Peach cried.

"Can ya calm the hell down and let me go?" Stormy asked, "You're squeezing too hard."

Doc inspected the damage before moving to retrieve an ice pack. Once Stormy was seated and busy numbing her mouth in the ice pack, Doc leaned down to look at her feet. As he lifted her right foot to get a better view of what looked to be a particularly deep cut, he noticed that Stormy only had nine toes.

"Uh, Stormy?"

"Mmmn?"

"What happened to your toe?"

"Which one?"

Doc let out an irritated sigh. "The middle toe in your right foot! What happened to it?!"

"Oh that toe. Yeah, I dunno what happened."

"Whaddya mean you don't know? It's your toe!"

"Well," Stormy scrunched up her face, "it's been missing for as long as I can remember, so I dunno what happened to it."

Sonic raised a hand to his head. "You mean to say that you lost a toe, and you have no idea why it went missing, nor do you care what happened to it?"

"That's exactly right!" Stormy nodded.

Doc nearly face palmed but instead he went back to examining Stormy's foot.

"You have quite a deep cut here," he said, pointing to said cut, "so your gonna need a bandage. But other than that and the occasional bruise and scrape, your feet are fine."

Peach sighed. "Whew! What a relief! I'd thought she'd damaged something vital!"

"But what are we gonna do about her tooth?" Sonic asked.

"Donate it to charity." Stormy responded.

Once everyone had left to get ready for bed, Dark Pit changed into a hospital gown. It was flimsy and revealed a lot, but it was better than having only the bath towel.

He crawled under the covers of his bed. Doc had given him instructions to sleep on his stomach to avoid putting pressure on his head before it was fully healed.

The bedsheets scratched at his skin and smelled strongly of anaesthetics, but he had more space to move around, compared to his bunk bed. And, as an added bonus, he was the only one in the infirmary. No Luigis having nightmares, no ducks or dogs causing a commotion. Nothing but silence. At last, he could finish plotting the revenge plot against Palutena, as he kept getting distracted.

Dark Pit closed his eyes and hummed to himself.

This anaesthetic smell was starting to annoy him a little…maybe he could annoy Palutena with a similarly bothering scent? Or maybe he expose her and Robin to the rest of the mansion? Nah, it wouldn't be fair to Robin. After all, he saw the truth.

"Hello there!"

Dark Pit's eyes snapped back open and he gently craned his neck back to see who spoke.

(Oh, for the love of…)

Orion floated, shimmering in the air next to the bed. "Mama thought you'd be lonely, so she asked me to keep you company!"

"I'm NOT lonely here," Dark Pit was starting to get sick of those dratted Lumas, "so leave me the hell alone!"

If Orion was disheartened, he showed no sign of it. "Oh well. Wanna hear this song I've been working on? It'll be great, I promise!"

"Don't make me come over there and strangle you!" Dark Pit growled through his teeth.

But Orion refused to listen. "Tally ho, tally ho, tally tally tally ho, I spy land with my little eye…"

It was a long night for the both of them.

As soon as Sonic's feet were out of his shoes, they were stuffed under the bed covers. Just in time too. Marth came waltzing through the door, still elated from winning the last battle of the day. He let out a yawn that more closely resembled the roar of a lion, then climber the ladder to his bunk bed, above Sonic.

In the other top bunk in the room, Pit sat with a book in his lap, turning the pages slowly and staring intently at each new page.

"That a good book, Pit?" Marth yawned.

Pit shrugged. "I just like looking at the pictures. I can't actually read yet."

"Why can't you read?" Little Mac asked from below.

Again, the angel shrugged. "I just never learned."

Marth sighed. "Well, find any interesting pictures?"

"Yeah! They're all of cake!" Pit smiled.

Marth nodded. "Okay, well it's time to shut off the light now.

Pit pouted. The prince shook his head in disapproval. "Don't give me that look, Pit. You can finish readi- I mean looking at the pictures tomorrow. But now we have to catch some Z's."

Once the lights were shut off and the book put away, Pit was already snoring. Sonic rubbed his ears to make sure they weren't deceiving him.

"Geez, is he out cold already?"

"Apparently" came Little Mac's voice from the darkness.

"But do you find it odd," said Marth, "that Pittoo can read but Pit can't? And I seriously doubt Palutena would have taught him, when she clearly hates him."

Sonic closed his eyes before responding. "Why not just ask him?"

"Can't be bothered," Marth gave one final yawn before saying "'Night Sonic."

"Yeah, sleep while you can."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Means shut up and stop talking about other people's business that doesn't concern you."

"Since when do you care about that?"

"Since you started talking about it."

"Shut up, man."

"You first."

Meanwhile, in one of the other bedrooms…

"That was very irresponsible of you, Stormy." Lucina said.

"Thanks. Coming from you, that's a real compliment."

Lucina was unimpressed. "You're lucky you got away with so few injuries!"

"Oh, come off it, Luce," Samus said. "I think ol' Stormy here can take a hard landing. Like you said, she got away with so few injuries. She'll be right."

Lucina turned to face her. "Why are you defending her? Ike and Marth told me that you used to be all no-nonsense and you certainly wouldn't have accepted this sort of behaviour! So why the sudden change?"

Samus gave a feeble smile. "Times change, and so do people. It can't be helped."

Palutena giggled from where she sat in her bunk.

Lucina whipped round, anger present in her eyes. "Not you too!"

"Yo Samus," Stormy said, "wanna do some parkour tomorrow?"

"Sure!"

"Can I watch?" Palutena asked.

"Course you can! Hey Luce, what about you?"

Lucina looked as if she would explode with frustration, but instead she hissed a "I'm sleeping in the common room!" before grabbing her pillow and marching out of the room.

"Send us a postcard!" Stormy called.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Mars and The Walker of Stormy Skies

Daisy half sat, half laid on the old, beat-up salmon coloured couch in Stormy's living room. The cats, Dream and Mars, lay beside her, bellys up as if expecting a rub. The TV was on, and an oddly interesting game show was playing, where contestants covered themselves in butter or grease and stood in a cubicle that blew paper money notes in from a vent. The objective was to get as many notes stuck on you as possible. Right now, some old geezer was excitedly stating each and every single thing he'd do with his winnings. His face was red and spit flew everywhere with each word.

It has been several days since Daisy ditched the Toads and the castle, and she couldn't care less. There was absolutely now way in hell she was going to set foot in that castle before the others come back, which wouldn't be till the end of the year.

How she wished she was invited as well! Not only would she be competing for God knows how much dough, but more importantly, she wouldn't have to deal with the Toads or… her…

But looking after Stormy's cats was a close second.

Stormy's house was quite small, with only four _rooms:_ lounge, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom. The bare essentials. It was tiny but cosy. The only real problem was the layout. The lounge and kitchen were downstairs and the bedroom and bathroom were upstairs. But there weren't even any stairs. Only a ladder, permanently attached to the wall, connected the two floors. That meant, if Daisy was downstairs and felt the call of nature, she'd have to haul ass up the rungs and hope she wouldn't piss herself.

She tried unsuccessfully to swallow the lump that had been clogging her throat since she left. But it refused to go. A constant reminder that That Fear had given her so she wouldn't forget what was in the castle with her.

Why, of all things, did it have to be her? Why couldn't one of the Toads have just broken the window instead?

She felt like she understood what she was, but she wanted to confirm. To do that, she'd have to ask Peach to ask Link for Midna's number. But she's neglected to bring a charger for her phone, which was lying dead on the scratched up coffee table. And Stormy didn't have a fucking landline like a normal person. Literally the only two options left were to either buy a new charger of find a pay phone. Both of which required money. Daisy hated the thought of using her money to buy something she could have just brought along. It all seemed so pointless somehow.

More than ever, she wished she'd been able to go to Smash. Then she wouldn't have to deal with this.

She also wished she'd have been able to bring more clothes. She only had her sports dress and it felt wrong going through Stormy's wardrobe. But the idea of having to spend more money on something to wear also seemed unsavoury.

That wasn't the only issue at hand.

The neighbourhood people were so rude. Well, not so much rude as they were nosy, that's for sure. When she first arrived all the neighbourhood kids had crowded around, trying to catch a glimpse of the stranger moving into Stormy's house. How exciting than must have been for them! Daisy thought bitterly. They'd shouted out questions like "who are you?" and "whatcha doing in Stormy's house?"

The adults were less welcoming, with "how long are you staying for?" and "did Stormy give you her permission to stay here?" Bleh, adults.

Only one adult has invited Daisy to have tea with him as a sort of welcome: a seventy year old who everyone referred to as Old Man Jenkins, though Daisy didn't yet know whether Jenkins was his actual name or not. His skin was wrinkly, his head bald save for a few wispy strands of grey. He carried a walking frame and moved with the gait of a sloth. The tea party was tomorrow, which meant Daisy had to decide quickly whether to buy or hijack clothes from Stormy.

Daisy turned her head, only to be greeted with another pair of eyes on her. Mars was awake, sitting up and staring directly at her.

Mars was a small thin tabby with piercing yellow eyes. He had been a rescue, according to Stormy. He apparently also liked staring at one fixated point. Daisy leaned forward. Mars' eyes appeared to widen. When she leaned back, he didn't move a muscle.

She couldn't take her eyes off him. That deep yellow was oddly captivating. It drew in her sight and refused to let go. She stood up. He gave no acknowledgement.

She suddenly flashed out her arms and yelled "hah!" Dream stirred in her sleep but Mars' eyelids didn't even twitch.

Her arms dropped to her sides. The cat continued to stare intently.

"Why are you staring at me?!" Daisy shouted, her nerves rising. Swear to god, was this thing dead? Is that why it was so still?

As if it could read her mind, the cat blinked, then resumed its wide-eyed stance from before.

It's not dead, it's working for her.

That Fear was back.

It's observing your movements to report back to her.

"But that's stupid!" Daisy said aloud.

Do you really want to take chances?

Daisy's brain spun. She promised Stormy she'd watch the darn cats, just like she promised Peach she'd watch the Toads. And look how well that turned out.

"I'm not going."

She'll just have to tough it out.

Mars had not moved at all. Their eyes met.

All of a sudden, Daisy felt an extreme wave of paranoia wash over her. What if That Fear was right? What if Mars was working for her? Her knees buckled. That Fear was right about the thing in the Mushroom Kingdom, so it may be right about Mars. Her face was damp with sweat and she struggled to breathe properly. But it can't be right! It's a bloody cat! It's not like it can talk! It doesn't even know who I am! But cats have proven themselves to be quite intelligent… No! I refuse to believe it! There's no way a cat can be partially behind this… But cats also can't stare for so long without blinking. If the cats not a messenger, then…

It's her! That Fear screamed into her head.

"NO IT'S NOT!" Daisy screamed.

Dream bolted into the kitchen. Mars, on the other hand, calmly followed. There was a angling on the door.

"Are you alright, Miss? I heard screaming." It was just one of the neighbours.

"I'm fine," she called back. No, she wasn't fine. She may be safe, but she wasn't fine.

Meanwhile, at the Smash Mansion…

"Oh no," Stormy said, "oh no no no… That will not do at all…"

She and Little Mac were in a team battle with Mario and Peach on the Omega Boxing Ring stage and she had insisted that the battle be paused and she stood staring disappointedly up at the character tag lines that appeared on the giant screen behind them.

Above Peach's picture was "Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom." Above Stormy's was "Hydrokinetic Jedi."

Stormy shook her head. "Dumb. I'm gonna do something about that." She turned on her heel and jumped offstage, past the blast zone and walked towards the commentators box on the ground. As soon as she entered there were sounds of a struggle. Then someone was thrown out the window. He hit the ground with a thud, then got up and slowly limped away.

"Stormy!" Little Mac called, "what are you doing?"

"What is she up to?" Zelda said from where she stood inside the spectator platform. The spectator platform, as the name suggests, is a box-like structure for the spectators to sit and watch. It appeared to be suspended in the air in front of a stage to maximise viewing potential, and moved with the stage, if the stage moved at all. One wall was completely made of glass so everyone could get a decent view of the battles and there were seats lined up like those in a movie theatre.

So everyone inside could see what Stormy was doing.

"Dunno. It's Stormy. I dunno what she's doing. Or why." Link said.

"Oooh, look!" Peach said, pointing at the screen.

Onscreen, the words changed from "Hydrokinetic Jedi" to "Walker of Stormy Skies."

"Oh, she was just changing her tagline." Zelda said.

"But why though? What was wrong with her other one?" Link questioned.

Zelda giggled. "Like you said: it's Stormy. We don't know why she does things."

Stormy walked back to her starting position and unpaused the battle.

For Mario and Peach, the battle was a complete disaster. While Little Mac took care of Peach, Stormy was busy putting the beatdown on Mario in the air. When Mario finally got out of her juggling, he attempted to smack her down into the blast zone, but unfortunately Stormy had the same idea, and was a faster mover than Mario. She struck him with her foot, then recovered. Mario could only watch helplessly as Stormy gave him the double birdie with an evil grin on her face, as he fell into the blast zone.

Peach wasn't doing much better. Shed been KO'd once already and was down to her last stock. She'd tried to counter Little Mac's attacks with Toad, but he'd seen it coming and dodged them. She knew that once she got him into the air he was helpless, but he moved so fast she couldn't find an opening. It was starting to fluster her and it didn't help that she could see Mario getting pummelled by the new girl, and that everyone in the spectator podium was watching her every move.

She took a chance and reached out and - success! - she grabbed hold of him. She threw him down and jumped on him butt first. This launched him into the air where she immediately jumped up and tried to up-air him. However, Little Mac saw it coming and countered it. Peach was sent flying straight into Stormy's waiting foot. She exited the same Mario had earlier. She was out of the game.

"Oh damn, that teamwork!" Link whistled.

Stormy landed on the stage and she and Mac high-fived each other. "That's how we roll!" She exclaimed.

"We've got this match in the bag!" Little Mac added.

Doc Louis watched his young champion from the spectators platform, and tears began to spring from his eyes.

"Are you alright? Sir?" He saw that Link and Zelda, the "big leagues", were staring at him with a little concern.

"Hm? Oh yes I'm fine. It's just that I'm so proud of Mac for making it into the biggest tournament in the country." Doc Louis' voice was as misty as his eyes.

He really couldn't believe it yet. His very own Little Mac, in Super Smash Brothers. Out of seven billion other candidates, he had been chosen. One day, he might make it among the big leagues, the veterans. Those who were repeatedly invited back to Smash because their talents and skills were too good to pass up.

Mario was the only one left, with one stock left and had already taken nearly 60% damage. There was nowhere for him to run. Little Mac was on the ground and Stormy would be waiting for him in the air. His chances of winning were not just shot, but riddled with bullet holes. But he had to try.

He approached Little Mac carefully. The boxer mirrored his movements until Mario threw out a fireball. It hit him and Mario rushed in for the grab. As he pelted Little Mac with attacks, he remembered Stormy. He threw his captive to the ground and tries to start a string of up-tilts. But the adrenaline and fear of losing so soon began affecting his nerves, which in turn affected his performance. The up-tilts came out slower that he would have liked and Little Mac escaped easily.

When Mario dashed forwards, Stormy rushed at him, carrying a blue laser sword. She swung the laser sword at him. It collided with his gut and sent him flying offstage.

Mario jumped once and prepared to do his recovery. In the last few milliseconds before doing his recovery, however, he saw Little Mac jump off the edge and perform a Jolt Haymaker. Headed straight for Mario and there was nothing he could do to get out of the way.

"The winner is… BLUE TEAM!"

The pre recorded Master Hand voice boomed through the loudspeakers.

A cheer went up from the spectators.

Doc Louis clapped so hard that his hand stung.

Outside the teletransporter, Peach suddenly pushed Mario into a wall and began to shout.

"Mario!" She cried in her disappointed-voice, "how did we lose like that?"

"I'm-a asking myself that-a same question, honey," Mario responded, his voice shaking.

"Don't 'honey' me! How could you let us lose like that!"

"It's-a all my fault now, is-a it? I wasn't-a the one who-a got KO'd in the first-a thirty seconds-a!"

"But you were the last one on our team!"

"It-a was-a two on one! I'm not the only one at-a fault here! Your-a moves were all-a over the place! Absolutely no-a coordination whatsoever-a!"

"Oh don't just go and shift the blame!" Peach was crying now.

"But that's-a exactly what-a you're-a doing! Don't-a take your-a frustrations out on me-a just because youre-a upset we lost!"

Giving an angry cry, Peach half stomped, half ran down the hallway, her hand covering her eyes to stop the constant stream of tears. Link and Zelda stood by watching this teary tirade and tutted.

Mario turned. "What?"

Link started. "You two… have got problems. I always suspected it, but now I know it."

"Yeah. You really need to sort it out. You can't go on like this." Zelda said.

"What are you-a talking about-a? We're just-a fine!"

"You are not!"

"We are-a!" Mario protested.

"No. You're not. Every time something goes wrong you argue. Even if it's something insignificant like losing the very first team battle of the tournament. Remember Brawl? Pit and I fucked up so bad during the first team battle. But we didn't push each other and cry in each other's faces. No! We just went on our merry way and learned from the mistakes we made. And it's not just this one time, Mario. We all know you and Peach have been having problems for a while now. Zelda's right. You need to sort it out."

In the cafeteria, Samus was nibbling on a ham sandwich while talking to Stormy.

"So, why'd you change your tagline? Your old one seemed perfectly fine to me."

"It wasn't." Stormy shook her head. "I'm not a flippin' Jedi. I even asked that they don't put the word "Jedi" in my tagline."

Samus nodded, a little intrigued as to what a Jedi was. But judging by Stormy's tone of voice, she decided not to ask.

"Okay, but why 'The Walker of Stormy Skies'?"

"Say my name."

"Stormy…?"

"Now say my last name."

"Uh, Skywalker, isn't it?"

"Yup. Now say them both together."

"Stormy Skywalk-oh I get it." Samus shook her head in disapproval. "Who the fuck thought it'd be a good idea to name you Stormy and not even consider your last name?"

"Dunno. But they're fucking stupid, whoever they are."

"Gre gre ja! Gre gre ja!" Greninja shouted this as he burst into the cafeteria.

"What's he sayin'?" Stormy asked.

"He's saying "Hurricane Peach Alert! Hurricane Peach Alert!" Samus translated.

As if to confirm this, the sound of a door slamming and angry stomping made its way to those in the cafeteria. Samus stood up on the table and clapped twice to get everyone's attention.

"Okay people, you know the drill. Stay calm and don't say anything to further piss her off!"

Palutena turned around. "Oh gees, what exactly do I have to avoid saying?"

"It's easy, Lady Palutena! Just don't say anything at all!" Pit said.

"You seem awfully calm about this, Pit." The goddess stated.

"Well, it's not so bad once you get used to… oh no she's coming!"

What entered next was a flurry of emotion so wild and intense it even left Bowser and Ganon(who were previously fighting over the last clean spoon) reeling.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Girls/Guys Night Out

Amalia opened the door to the cafeteria and found herself ankle deep in used tissues. She then politely requested to know what was going on.

"ONE OF YOU FUCKERS BETTER TELL ME WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED OR ELSE!" She demanded.

Up one end, Peach was still bawling her eyes out, surrounded by the rest of the girls, who were doing their best to console her. Up the other end, Bowser popped out from underneath a particularly large pile of tissues.

"Uurg," he groaned, "Peach babe, you can tell Daddy Bowser all about that wretched Mario!"

Zelda glared at him. "Now is not the time Bowser!"

"Yeah Dad, that's just gross!" Bowser Junior exclaimed from where he took cover behind the counter.

Zelda turned back to Peach.

"Aw, you need cheering up. How about a Girls Night Out?"

Peach stopped crying instantly. Her smile was brighter than a thousand suns.

In the gym, Mario was pounding the ever loving crap out of Sandbag.

Link and Sonic stood by watching.

"Peach problems?" Sonic asked.

"Yeah." Link said.

Sonic shook his head. "Is it me, or does it seem to be getting worse? But then again, it could just be stress from starting a new Smash tourney."

"It's definitely getting worse, I can just feel it. But you're right, it might just be stress. So let's de-stress him. Hey, Mario!"

Mario spun around and yelled "what?"

"How about a Guys Night Out?" Link called.

Mario jumped up suddenly with one fist in the air in his signature pose and shouted "Yes, Mama Mia!"

Six o'clock rolled around.

In one minivan, the girls were organised and ready to go.

Lucina would be driving, with Willow in the passenger seat. Rosalina, Peach and Zelda were squashed together in the middle seat, Samus and Stormy shared the back and Palutena was shoved into the boot.

Sheik, Beebs and Jigglypuff had decided not to come.

Lucina turned the keys in the ignition. "Which restaurant are we going to, Peach?"

"Chateau de Awesomness" Peach responded.

Willow whistled. "Wow, fancy!"

The minivan pulled out of the driveway and headed into the city.

In another minivan, the boys were organised and ready to go.

Mario would be driving, with Captain Falcon in the passenger seat. Shulk, Little Mac and Marth were squashed into the middle seat, Link and Pit shared the back and Sonic was shoved into the boot.

Mario turned the keys into the ignition.

"Which restaurant are we going to, Mario?" Shulk asked.

"Chateau de Awesomeness," Mario responded.

Link whistled. "Wow, fancy!"

The minivan pulled out of the driveway and headed into the city.

Chateau de Awesomeness was quite big, with two floors and a ballroom available for rent. It sat on top of a hill and had a magnificent view of the city lights twinkling below like a sea of stars.

The group of girls bustled in through the elegant front doors and headed for the uniformed receptionist standing nearby.

"Table for eight?" Peach asked.

The receptionist nodded. "Right this way, please…" Her voice was posh but not snooty like most of the rich citizens of the city. She led them over to a table in the corner, the top of which was polished so bright it almost hurt to look at it. She collected a bunch of menus and handed them out.

Zelda raised her eyebrows. "They have brains here? Gross!"

"All fancy people eat brains." Stormy flawlessly demonstrated her knowledge of rich people.

Two minutes later the group of guys came bustling through the door.

"Table for-a eight?" Mario asked the receptionist.

The receptionist looked a little annoyed. "Another large group, hmmm? Right this way, please." She led them to a table in another corner at the opposite end of the restaurant.

After she handed out the menus Pit started licking his lips.

"Yum! I'm gonna order everything!"

"Even the brains?" Sonic said under his breath and he and Link snickered.

Captain Falcon flagged down a passing waitress. "Bathroom?"

"Over there, sir."

At the other end of the restaurant, Rosalina flagged down a passing waiter. "Bathroom?"

"Over there, ma'am."

Rosalina and Captain Falcon ran into each other in the hallway leading to the bathroom. The shock on both their faces was quite comical, but this was a serious moment.

"What are you…"

"...doing here?!"

Rosalina stood up straight. "It it a Girl's Night Out."

"But we're here on a Guy's Night Out! You need to leave!"

The space guardian frowned. "Why do you insist we need to leave? Mario does not burst out crying or make a scene in public when he sees his girlfriend." She said sharply.

The racer shrugged. "Yeah, but Mario gets all pissy and ruins it for the rest of us!"

"Do you seriously think we enjoy listening to Peach's wailing for hours on end? The only reason Master Hand let us go out without our buddies is because it meant he did not have to listen to Peach! If anyone needs to leave, it it you!"

"But I don't wanna!"

"Fine. Let's just stay out of each other's way. Now, please excuse me. I need to use the bathroom."

"Whatev. But I was here first, so wait your turn. It's the least you could do, since you won't leave."

Rosalina blushed with anger but didn't say anything.

When they got back to their respective tables the waiters had just brought out the drinks.

"What took you so long?" Willow asked.

Rosalina paused. "I, uh, just had to...poop." She said quietly.

"Oh I just had to take a dump." Captain Falcon said when he was asked the same question.

Lucina went to take a sip from her milkshake when she noticed that it was running down the side of her glass, so she stood up to fetch some napkins. When she came back, she sat down and took a big gulp of milkshake.

She spat it out over the table almost instantly and screamed from the pain that erupted over her taste buds.

"Oh my god! Why is it so hot?" She yelled before looking round the table.

Palutena pointed at Stormy. "She did it."

"Oh, fuck you." Stormy said back to the snitch.

"STORMY!" Lucina's face turned beet red. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"

"It was a prank." Stormy replied. "It was meant to be a funny, harmless little prank..."

Lucina narrowed her eyes. "What did you put in there? Show it to me!"

Stormy looked around the table nervously before reaching under and pulling out a bottle of the last thing Lucina wanted to see.

"You put THAT in my milkshake?! Stormy, I swear to god…"

"It was only meant to be a drop! Like, just enough for you to order another drink to wash it down, not 'spit it out and die'. But then someone," she paused and stared suspiciously at Palutena, "bumped my arm and I spilt some and by then it was already too late."

Lucina was about to respond until the waiter came up to the table. "Is everything all right, ladies?"

Lucina managed a weak smile. "Yes, everything's fine, but may I please have another mixed berry milkshake?"

Over at the guy's table…

"For the last time Pit, no you can't have everything on the menu." Link said.

Pit pouted. "Aw, but everything sounds so good!"

"I know, but you can have one entree, one main course and one dessert. We're not made of money." Link leaned back and took a sip from his beer.

Marth shook his head. "I can't believe they let a sixteen year old order beer."

Link stopped drinking and glanced at the bottle's label. "It's really light beer though. Plus, it tastes like really fancy lemonade."

Pit perked up. "Lemonade? Can I have some? Please?"

"Sure." He passed the bottle over to the angel, who took a big gulp. The excited expression on his face changed to a sour one.

"Eurgh! This is gross! How can you drink this?"

Shulk sat up suddenly.

"What's up?" Marth asked.

"Did you guys hear something?"

"Hear what?"

"It sounded like someone screaming." Shulk said.

"Eh, I don't think it's anything important."

Entrees and dinner passed with little incident.

The night started unravelling quickly when dessert arrived.

A/N: who would have thought that a simple fanfiction writer such as myself would suffer from writers block? Luckily I have some ideas for the next chapter… Think of this chapter as my Christmas gift you all!


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Fights, Mock Cream and Officer Boyle

"We're not made of money," Marth said to Pit, who was annoyed that he couldn't have the dessert he wanted.

"Besides, quadruple-decker tiramisu has like, a ton of alcohol in it," Sonic added.

"They do have ice cream. You like ice cream, don't you?"

Pit nodded glumly.

Mario shook his head. "Oh, let-a him have have it-a! After all, it is-a a Guys Night-a Out-a!"

Meanwhile…

"Eating donuts just seems so…un-ladylike." Peach said.

"But donuts are delicious! You don't know what you're missing!" Stormy seemed appalled at the idea of someone not liking donuts.

"Donuts are fattening and they can clog your arteries," Lucina said, as if she knew anything about the risks of sugar consumption.

"And the triple chocolate cheesecake and mock cream you just ordered can't?" Samus said with a half smile on her face.

"Yeah Lucina. Mock cream is probably the most unhealthy thing on the menu." Stormy added.

"Mhm. If you eat enough mock cream your heart will give out instantly and you'll die." Palutena joined in.

Lucina's face turned red with anger. "Yeah, well I'm not going to eat the whole can, am I?"

The whole table was silent for a few seconds until Willow spoke. "Wait, why would a high-scale place like this even use mock cream anyway? It's cheap and awful and tastes like shit compared to real cream."

"They probably don't even pasteurise their own milk," Palutena said in an almost condescending tone.

"I feel lied to, now," Peach said.

"Yeah thanks for bringing up this whole subject, Lucina," Stormy said.

Lucina sputtered. "What? What do you mean I brought it up?"

"You're the one who ordered it." Stormy stood up and stretched her legs. "Ow, I think my leg's got a cramp in it…"

Suddenly, in a moment of rage, Lucina lunged at Stormy and shoved her as hard as she could. Stormy stumbled backwards and bumped into a waiter carrying a silver platter with a dome lid. The waiter let out a yell of surprise and fell forwards. The dome lid landed on a diners head. The diner stumbled around in surprise, unaware of why he was suddenly unable to see before falling onto a table. The shrimp platter that was on the table was launched into the air. A piece of shrimp landed on the face of a waiter about to break open a bottle of champagne. When the shrimp fell in his eyes he screamed and swung the champagne bottle around right as the cork popped out. The cork ricochet off the walls in a zig-zag pattern towards the other end of the restaurant.

At the other end of the restaurant the waiter was about to present Pit with his quadruple-decker tiramisu. As Pit looked on in excitement and hunger, the cork whizzed by and struck the waiter's hand. His hand jerked and more or less knocked the tiramisu into the angel's face.

Pit sat there completely dumbfounded, his face and hair covered in biscuits, mock cream and absurd amounts of alcohol. It had happened so quickly that he couldn't even process it properly.

Then Sonic laughed, and no one could have predicted what was about to transpire.

He didn't mean it as a "haha I'm guilty" sort of laugh. He just thought it was hilarious. But in Pit's mind Sonic was guilty somehow so he acted accordingly.

He grabbed a big handful of tiramisu and smacked it in Sonic's face.

Sonic, without thinking, took his drink and threw it, glass and all, at his attacker.

Pit saw it coming and dodged. The glass hit a middle aged lady dead on the side of her face. She screamed and her husband jumped up. His face was flushed with anger. Sonic saw this and tried to explain himself.

He ended up taking a beer bottle to the face.

The man's child, a boy of about eight or nine, climbed onto the table and hollered "FOOD FIGHT!"

Seconds later the entire restaurant descended into chaos.

Food flew in all directions. People hurled, and were hit with, all sorts of food, including cakes, seafood, half-raw steaks, eclairs, salads, brains and mock cream. Even some of the waiters and waitresses got in on it and several chefs had run out screaming at everyone to stop wasting their work.

"STORMY!" Lucina could be heard above everyone else, "I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR THIS!"

"You're the one who pushed me!" Stormy replied, throwing a handful of mussels at some lady who was approaching her with a cherry cream pie in hand.

Lucina let out a yell of frustration but a piece of tomato landed square in her mouth. "Ten points!" someone called.

"Huh," Link said as he dodged a meat pattie drenched in tomato chutney (not sauce, this place was far too fancy for plain old tomato sauce) "I could've sworn I heard Lucina yelling."

Shulk shook his head. "Nah. Couldn't have been. The girls would all be back at the mansion watching movies."

Just then, a man dressed in a smart business suit stepped out of the kitchen. He was obviously the manager of the restaurant and boy, was he pissed at the people causing a ruckus.

He stood up onto a table and produced a microphone.

"All right, who was it that started this ungodly commotion?" he demanded.

Two sides of the restaurant pointed in different directions, but both parties from the Smash Mansion were already long gone.

As the girls walked down the street still covered in food, Peach wore a strange expression on her face. Because of this, it was difficult to tell whether she had fun or was about to start crying.

"Well," Samus began, "that was interesting."

"Indeed," Rosalina agreed. She wet her finger and began to rub at a stain on her dress. Even though she was covered in food, she was glad to be out of the restaurant, narrowing down their chances of running into the boys.

"Ooooh, that Stormy," Lucina clenched her fists in anger, "when I get my hands on her I'm gonna-"

"Hey," Palutena looked around, "where is Stormy?"

The boys dragged their feet along. Pit and Sonic were apologising to each other. Even though it wasn't his fault, Sonic still felt guilty about what happened to the tiramisu.

"I know a place where we can grab some dessert," he said.

"Oh, really? Is this gonna be like that time you said you knew an awesome pizzeria but it ended up getting raided by the police because the owners were secretly running a drug ring?" Marth said.

"Wait, what?" Shulk asked.

"No, it's not like that, I promise. It's a Chinese restaurant slash dessert bar. They've got desserts from across the flippin' universe!"

"I'd like to-a go," Mario said.

"Well, I'm down as well," Link added.

"We might as well. Dinner was a disaster," Little Mac said.

"It's decided then," Sonic started down a little side road. "It's right down here…"

Stormy just wanted to cause more mischief.

It was partially because of impulse but she was also driven by a part of her soul that wanted to see just how obnoxious she could be. That could be why she disobeyed her dad. Or maybe she's so obnoxious _because_ she disobeyed her dad.

Either way, she wanted to do something stupidly daring.

There was a cop car pulled up next to another car, a civilian's car, on the side of the street. Probably pulled over for speeding. The cop, a chubby man with dark skin, was standing by the window of the other car, talking sternly to whoever was inside.

Stormy crept up to the cop car. The keys were still in the ignition. Awesome.

Okay. Just one quick ride then she'll leave the car somewhere for the cops to find.

If she found out what was to happen, she probably would have just left the car alone.

She slid into the driver's seat and turned the keys. The cop turned around, surprised, and a little bit angry when he discovered that it was some teenage girl stealing his ride.

Stormy did a sharp U-turn and roared down the street. The adrenaline rush gave her a feeling of invincibility. The fact that she had a chance of not getting caught was going to her head.

She switched on the lights and sirens. Instantly, cars would slow down and let her pass. She soared down street after street until she came across the girls standing on the footpath. She honked the horn and waved.

The whole group didn't even have to turn around to see who it was. They already knew, somehow, that it would be fourteen year old Stormy Skywalker behind the wheel.

Peach and Rosalina would shake their heads.

Samus would give that strange half-smile.

Lucina would be pissing herself with anger.

Stormy laughed at those thoughts.

That juvenile sense of invincibility would come to an abrupt end when she saw a balloon in the middle of the street, along with a kid trying to catch it, and swerved hard to avoid them. Before she knew it, the front of the cop car was halfway through a Chinese restaurant. The diners were simply staring in shock. An old woman emerged from behind the front desk and began cursing at her in Chinese.

From inside the restaurant, Captain Falcon saw exactly who the idiot driving the cop car was. He was lucky that no one else did.

"Holy shit," Marth said when the collision took place. "We should go. It probably won't be safe to stick around."

Pit whined, as they had only just been served their long-awaited dessert, but some cruel twist of fate had prevented them from eating it for a second time.

"Stop complaining Pit, we'll get ice cream on the way back," Captain Falcon began to usher everyone out the back door.

Within minutes several ambulances and cop cars pulled up. One of the responding officers was the very pissed of fat cop who's car was involved in the accident. He marched over, flung the door open and grabbed Stormy's arm and yanked her outside.

"You! You crazy or somethin? You realise you could'a killed someun?"

Stormy glanced down at the officer's name tag. "Well, er, Officer Boyle, you shouldn't have left your keys in the ignition then,"

Officer Boyle looked like he was genuinely about to slap her but then the girls showed up. Lucina's face had gone almost completely purple.

"OF ALL THE STUPID, FOOLHARDY THING TO DO!" she screamed.

Soon, all the girls were sitting with Stormy in the police station. Peach still wore that same strange look on her face. If she cried, the Stormy wouldn't blame her. She'd ruined her Girl's Night Out for the sake of satisfying that obnoxious part of her very being.

Zelda turned to Willow.

"My God! If I'd known the night would turned out like this, I would've just stayed behind."

However, if Zelda did indeed stay behind at the mansion, she would have wanted to have gone on the Girl's Night Out instead.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Lover's Showdown

"What do you mean the mansion got flooded?" Palutena asked. The girls had arrived home to find everything damp and dripping. Apparently someone (aka Greninja) wanted to turn the gym into a swimming pool but ended up flooding the entire ground floor of the mansion. Greninja was now in Master Hand's office, getting a stern talking to about the incident and every window and door was open to help speed up the drying process.

Robin laughed nervously. "Yeah. Everything got pretty bad. But hey, why are you guys here so early? I thought you were going to dinner and a movie."

"We were, but then we had to bail Stormy out of prison." Palutena said.

Robin's eyes widened. "Wha-? What did she do?"

"She stole a police car and crashed it into a Chinese restaurant," Samus explained, with a strained look on her face as if she was trying not to laugh out loud, especially since Lucina had only just now calmed down about the whole incident and she didn't want to set her off again.

"The first week of Super Smash Brothers and she's already got a criminal record!" Robin shook his head.

"I know! She's practically got one foot in the grave!" Zelda said.

"She's gonna get herself killed if she doesn't watch out," Lucina mumbled.

Just then, the group of guys stumbled in through the front door, with half-melted ice creams in hand.

"You wouldn't believe the crazy night we just- hey why is everything all wet?" Sonic asked.

"Greninja tried to turn the gym into a swimming pool and ended up destroying the whole ground floor," Robin replied.

"Where were you guys?" Zelda asked.

"Oh man! Tonight was crazy!" Shulk stated, "we went to Chateau de Awesomness and Pit and Sonic started this epic food fight, and then we went to this Chinese dessert bar and someone crashed a police car through the front of it!" Shulk then noticed the shocked expressions on the girls faces. "Uh, what's wrong?"

There was a long pause.

"Yeah, we were there for all of it," Samus said.

A slow expression of understanding spread over their faces. It was quiet except for Sonic's laughing. "Haw haw haw! You wanted to spend a night away from Peach but she was there the whole time! Haw haw haw!"

"Mario!" Peach pushed her way to the front of the group, "how could you choose Chateau de Awesomness when you knew how much I love it? Is this some kind of mockery of me?"

"For fuck's sake, not this shit again," Samus said, but everyone ignored her.

Mario was just as agitated. "How was-a I supposed to-a know you would-a be there-a?! I didn't-a even know you were-a going out-a!"

"Stop making this all about you!" Peach was hysterical.

"I never-a said this was-a all about me-a!" Mario's face had twisted into something hideous.

Peach's response was a full open-palm slap across the face.

Mario lashed out with his foot and struck her in the shin.

Both parties simply watched in horror as the two former lovers suddenly went from pointless arguing to full on violence. Though they argued frequently, they had never gotten physical with one another before that night. But they fought as if attacking their partner came naturally to them. She would take him by the throat and he would grab a handful of her hair. Even Samus, who normally would be the one to break up fights, just stood there gaping.

Evidently the sound somehow managed to reach the bedrooms on the third floor, because Dark Pit suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs leading to the elevators, with dark rings under his eyes and his head still wrapped in a bandage, and looking even more pissed off than ever.

As soon as he saw the cause of the noise that had interrupted his precious sleep, he marched down the stairs and towards the quarrelling couple. In the blink of an eye he grabbed them both by the scruff of their neck and, with all his strength, banged their heads together. They stopped instantly.

"For fuck's sake, just shut the hell up! You two clearly don't even like each other, so why the hell are you still together?!" the angel roared. He turned to Peach. "You! When will you realise that all the stupid shit you argue about isn't even worth the breath you waste on it? Stop being so self-centred and realise that you're not the only one with problems, so stop whinging about every little thing that goes wrong and then try and pin it on Mario!" He faced the plumber. "And you! You say that Peach is unreasonable and doesn't care about you, so why didn't you leave her? Why didn't you just go and date that Pauline person you fucked that one time? It worries me that you're seen as the world's 'it' couple but you're constantly at each other's throats! And it worries me even more that a three year old angel who had never dated anyone in his life knows more about this kind of crap than you do!" Dark Pit took a breath and continued in a much quieter voice. "Now, for god's sake, shut up and let the rest of us sleep. And if you want to keep on fighting, don't expect the rest of us to care." An with that, Dark Pit walked off back to bed.

"...I'm just gonna go…" Robin said, backing away slowly.

"Yes. Come on, Peach. It's been a long day and we should get some rest. Zelda said, taking a stunned-into-silence Peach by the arm and leading her away.

"Yep. Let's go, Mario," Link said, doing the same.

Quickly, one by one, the crowd dispersed.

Robin entered his bedroom (quietly, as Beebs and Duck Hunt were asleep) and realised that Dark Pit wasn't in the room. In the dim hallway light, he could see that the bedsheets were rumpled and thrown back as if in a rage, but the angel himself wasn't between them. Robin thought it was a little odd, considering how Dark Pit had to sleep in the infirmary for the past night or two and had been eager to use his own bed, but he shrugged it off and chalked it up to him finding a quieter place to snooze.

Robin wasn't wrong in that regard.

Dark Pit exited the teletransporter and staggered tiredly towards the big wooden doors. They opened up for him and Artemis was there. He fell forwards into her arms and breathed into the baby blue ribbons that covered her shoulders.

"I'm tired. So, so tired." He mumbled, "I just want a quiet place to sleep."

Artemis nodded. "Come on then, let's go to one of the guest bedrooms," she took his hand and floated towards the stairs, leading him along.U

Back at the mansion, all was quiet. For now...


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Tea and Tales

Daisy had to awkwardly bend her knees in order to fit them under the table.

She was at Old Man Jenkins' house for the tea which she had been invited to several days earlier. For the occasion, she had dug around in Stormy's wardrobe and managed to scrounge up an off-white sweater, a thin orange dress and a pair of thigh-high black stockings, all of which smelled faintly of mothballs. The mix-and-match outfit was last minute, as she had managed to spill her cereal all over her sports dress.

Old Man Jenkins had welcomed her into his house and ushered her into his living room, where he seated her at the low coffee table and hurried away to prepare the tea.

As she waited, Daisy looked around the room. It was quite old. The wallpaper was beginning to peel and the carpet was threadbare. There was no TV, only a mantelpiece and a bookshelf overflowing with books and a few of whom Daisy assumed were family and friends.

Is this what it's like being alone in the world? Daisy wondered. When everyone's gone and you're stuck in a crumbling house with nothing more than photos and memories? When you're so desperate for human company that you try to strike up a friendship with the first person who comes along? Daisy may forget stuff half the time, but she isn't stupid. She can tell when someone's lonely.

What was taking Jenkins so long? Suppose he needed help? He was quite old, after all.

Daisy forgot how low the table was until she moved her legs and accidentally tipped the whole thing over, old chipped teacups and all.

"Oh, fuck!" She shouted.

Jenkins came into the room balancing a tray holding a teapot and a plate of biscuits on his walker. His eyes widened at the mess.

Daisy was practically falling over herself trying to tip the table back over and gather the teacups.

"I am so sorry!" She said, "it was an accident…"

Old Man Jenkins only laughed as he hobbled over and placed the tray on the table after Daisy managed to straighten it again. "Oho, that's quite alright." He said.

Daisy sighed internally, a little relieved. She's worried for a second that she'd made a bad first impression. Luckily, Jenkins didn't seem like the kind of old person who'd launch into a lecture about the "kids today" over a simple act of clumsiness. And if there was one thing Daisy hated more than that stupid overdramatic movie "Curtains of the Mind", it was being lectured.

Jenkins sat in the easy chair next to the table. "Now, where are you from?"

"Mushroom Kingdom." Daisy said, grabbing a biscuit. "I'm supposed to be watching it for my friend Peach, who rules it."

Jenkins nodded but looked confused. "Then what are you doing in Half Moon?"

His curious and imploring but gentle tone, coupled with Daisy's increasing paranoia, made her feel like she wouldn't care if he didn't believe her.

"Because…" Daisy took a deep breath, "I think I'm being hunted by a ghost."

Jenkins leaned forwards. "Ah, I've heard of the ones you're talking about. I used to be in the army, you know, and when I was deployed the locals would tell us to watch out for these kinds of ghosts. They are relentless, vengeful and will kill you if you don't watch out."

Daisy listened to all of this quietly and a lone tear rolled down her cheek.

"Who is it, love? Who's hunting you?"

Daisy's voice trembled as she said "my mother."

"Care for a spot of tea, Monsieur McCloud?" Stormy asked in the fakest posh accent she could manage.

"Of course, Madame Skywalker," Fox responded, playing along. "Madame Aran?"

"No thank you. These buns are absolutely divine, you must try them! Monsieur Lombardi, do take one."

"Thank you."

The four of them were in the garden, having scored a pot of tea and a plate of buns and biscuits from the kitchen. Peach must have baked them several days ago, yet they still tasted fresh.

Stormy was the first to crack and she broke out into a fit of giggles. "What the hell are we doing?"

"I don't know. You started it," Fox was smiling.

Samus leaned back in her chair. "Ah, this is probably my favourite thing about Smash. Not kicking everyone's asses, but just spending time with my friends."

"You have friends?" Falco asked jokingly before receiving a kick to the shins.

"Of course I do, you dumb shit."

Just then, Pit and Link passed by with armload a of hot dogs and bottles of spray cheese.

"What the hell are you doing with all that cheese?" Samus asked.

"Cheesy hot dogs," Link responded, "It was his idea!" He pointed at Pit.

"But spray cheese on hot dogs is delicious!" Pit protested, "I could eat it all day if I could!"

Just then, Stormy realised she'd solved the mystery from Chapter 2 that everyone had probably forgotten by now.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: This chapter was partially inspired by Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Old School

Chapter 17: Fishy Business

"Now I remember!" Stormy shouted.

Everyone turned to look at her,

"Now I remember where I saw you before!" Stormy pointed an almost accusing finger at Pit. He simply stared back, confused.

"December 23rd, last year. I went to the Shoberg Street gas station in Half Moon to get some Christmas snacks 'cause they have the best selection. And some angel - you! - was chugging all the spray cheese!"

"Oh right!" Pit laughed, "I forgot about that! It was funny!"

"No it wasn't! You left us decent folk without spray cheese. At Christmas time, no less!"

"Well, congratulations Detective Skywalker. Mystery solved," Falco said sarcastically.

Stormy shot him a murderous glare before turning back to Pit. "Anyway, I want payment. Hand it over."

Pit clutched the cans of spray cheese to his chest. "No!"

Let's just say it was another two days before Palutena discovered Pit had been hiding a black eye under a mountain of makeup he borrowed from Zelda.

Meanwhile…

Daisy was hungry. She'd eaten all the canned food Stormy had in her pantry and there was nothing left.

Well, almost nothing.

An array of treats filled the top pantry shelf. Chips, chocolate, the works, as well as some odd-looking foodstuffs Daisy couldn't pick out. But Stormy had told Daisy via text to not go anywhere near the top shelf unless she wanted her teeth knocked out. Daisy didn't know what all that food was for. There was no way Stormy could eat it all by herself.

Daisy could have ordered takeout. But she had checked her credit card balance when she went into town to pick up some more milk and the results had shocked her. There was no way in hell she was going back to the Mushroom Kingdom after what Old Man Jenkins had told her, so that meant finally buckling down and getting a job.

As for the food situation, there was only one other option.

She make something herself.

Daisy instantly balked at the idea. She was not good in the kitchen whatsoever. Anything that required more skill than two-minute noodles often resulted in the smoke alarms being set off and Peach marching down the stairs demanding to know what went wrong this time.

Her stomach rumbled.

After a few minutes of searching, Daisy managed to dig up two cookbooks; Daira and Simone's How To Cook and Kiddie's First Cookbook. They both smelled musty as hell.

Daisy opened up Daria and Simone's and was instantly met with a recipe for roast lamb with potatoes and homemade mint jelly. Too much to ask for, she thought as she chucked the heavy book onto the couch.

She opened up the kiddie one and found a recipe for an omelette. Okay, there were a couple of eggs. There was cheese and a bit of shredded ham still in the fridge she could use for a filling. Okay, she could do this.

Twenty minutes later she stared down at her plate. The omelette was scorched but she had done it. She had actually made something without additional adult supervision. Sure, the counter had raw egg and bits of shell smeared across it and the frying pan had burnt egg stuck to it, but none of that mattered. She felt like a responsible adult who could take care of herself.

Daisy took a bite of her omelette. The charcoal tasted like victory.

A few days later Peach had cried through the rest of her makeup. She cried silently as she asked her roommate Zelda if she could borrow hers.

"Sorry Peach, but Pit took the last of it."

This made Peach more upset. What in the world would Pit need with Zelda's makeup?

Meanwhile...

"Hey!" Toonie shouted at Ganondorf. "Fight me! One-on-one, tennis courts, now!" He puffed out his chest.

Ganondorf chuckled, and dust fell from the ceiling. "You're no match for me, little man."

Toonie scowled and puffed his chest out even further. Ganon rolled his eyes. "Alright, fine. But I'm just sayin', I'm not goin' easy on you."

Stormy and Little Mac were sitting in his room playing Go Fish when Pit burst into the room, followed by Marth and Sonic. Pit wasn't wearing his undershirt, because he was holding it up in a squirming bundle. He was shouting. He ran into the bathroom, Marth and Sonic following suite. The door shut behind them.

For a while, there was nothing except for the sounds of hushed whispering and water splashing. Then they all emerged, smiling.

"I caught a fish!" Pit exclaimed.

"How? And where? I didn't know we had fishing equipment," Little Mac said.

"We went down to Shadsie Creek," Marth explained, "it's at the end of the gardens, by the walkway. And Pit used his undershirt."

Stormy scrunched up her face in confusion. "How do you use a shirt to catch a fish?"

"I used it like a net," Pit used his hands to demonstrate.

"Anyway, we stuck it in the toilet," Sonic said, "and we emptied our drink bottles in there so has a bit more water to splash around in. Anyway, I'm getting a snack."

"But!" Stormy said as the trio dashed out into the hallway, "why didn't you just put it in the bathtub?!"

Ganon stomped down the hallway. Everything was shaking violently.

"What's gotten you in a mood?" Palutena said in a very unsympathetic way.

"Some heartless bastard has takes the tennis rackets! I was gonna whoop Toonie's ass with them!"

That night an announcement about the theft came over the PA system as everyone was hunched over bowls of chicken noodle soup.

"Sometime today, an unknown person broke into the sports shed and stole the tennis rackets," Master Hand explained, "if you have any info on who it could be, please see me in my office. Thank you." And the speaker went silent.

There was an immediate buzz of interest.

"Wait, was it only the tennis rackets that were missing?" Wilson asked. Ganon nodded glumly.

"Who the fuck steals only tennis rackets?" Samus said. "The fucking pogo sticks are worth more, and we've only got like, two."

"We have pogo sticks?" Stormy asked, intrigued.

"Yeah, but we're banned from using them."

"Why?"

Before Samus could answer, a horrifying eye-watering odour filled the cafeteria.

"Holy fuck Wario, did you fart again?"

"Actually no, that was me," Lemmy said. By the time he had finished speaking everyone was already filing through the door. Lemmy sighed. He was never gonna get popular with the fandom like this!

Later, Marth, Lucina, Palutena, Pit, Sonic, Samus, Little Mac and Stormy were in the boys room playing Trivial Pursuit.

"This game is fucking retarded!" Sonic said angrily.

"That's because you're retarded," Samus fired back.

"No I'm not!"

"You haven't even gotten one question right so far." Marth pointed out. Sonic stuck his tounge out at him.

"Can we stop for a minute? I need to use the bathroom." Lucina stood up and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Seconds later, an ear-piercing scream filled the air.

Lucina flung the door open and marched over to Marth, who had a guilty smile on his face.

"Marth?" Lucina asked quietly.

"Yes Lucina?"

"Would you care to explain WHY THERE IS A FISH IN YOUR TOILET?!"


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Grocery Shopping with the Young Ones

"Look, it's just… Pit was so excited and we thought he'd just keep it for a few hours then toss it back, but then he named it and, we just couldn't bring ourselves to ask him to get rid of it." Marth explained to Master Hand. He and Lucina and Pit were standing before his desk. Marth had responded to Lucina's question with a stupid joke that had enraged her even more, to the point where she'd gotten Master Hand involved.

"I just wanted a pet," Pit said sadly, his head bowed.

Master Hand nodded a finger understandably. "I know, but you can't keep a wild fish in the mansion, Pit. It belongs in its natural habitat."

Pit sniffed and wiped his nose.

"Tomorrow you're going to take the fish back and release it."

Pit bowed his head further and sniffed again, louder this time.

Master Hand motioned towards the door. "Now, to bed. All of you."

The three of them left.

Marth patted Pit on the back and shot a glare at Lucina, which she ignored.

The next morning, Pit, Palutena, Marth, Sonic and a few others made their way down to the creek. Pit was holding a bright red bucket with his fish in it.

When they reached the creek, Pit walked up to the edge of the water and stopped. He knelt down.

"I'm sorry I wasn't allowed to keep you. But, I'll set you free do that you can go back and live with all of your fishy friends…" Pit said sadly.

During the eulogy Sonic felt the familiar sensation of a full bladder. He desperately needed to go, but there was no way he was going to piss in the creek. Or the woods.

"Goodbye, Mr Splashy Pants," Pit choked out.

"Goodbye, Mr Splashy Pants," the small crowd echoed.

Pit upturned the bucket and the fish slid out and swam off, free at last. Pit stood up and sobbed, and Palutena wrapped an arm around him comfortingly.

The crowd began to disperse then, and Pit caught sight of Dark Pit heading with them.

"Pittoo?" He called out.

He turned. "Oh. Hi."

"What are you doing here?"

Dark Pit rubbed the back of his neck. "I...just came to, uh, pay my respects."

Pit threw his arms around him. "Thank you."

For once Dark Pit didn't shove him off.

Sonic's pace began to quicken as he approached the mansion. He REALLY needed to go!

He threw open the back door leading to the garden and dashed inside. He sprinted down the hallway, around the corner, shoved open the men's bathroom door, and took the only one of the two cubicles still free.

There, he then proceeded to piss in an unbroken stream for like twenty seconds, sighing with relief all the while.

"That was a lot," came a voice from the other cubicle.

Sonic nearly shat himself. Not because the voice broke the unwritten bathroom law of not speaking to others doing their business, but because it was a girl's voice. In the men's bathroom. Moreover, he recognized the voice.

"Ashley? What the hell are you doing in the men's toilets, for fucks sake?"

"Phosphora and Ghirahim were cooking drugs in the bathroom at the Assist House, and when I came into the girls toilets next to these, there were a couple of Miis making out in there, so I just came in here instead."

Sonic just shook his head and sighed.

In the cafeteria, Zelda was flashing her new laptop that Link had given her for Christmas the previous year.

"I'm so grateful, honestly! I can finally keep up to date with current events and whatnot than have to wait for the Castle Town event board to be updated! Eee!" Zelda squealed and accesses a news site. "Now, what's going on in Crescent Moon? There's a new plant nursery being opened, a Gorillaz concert, a farmer's market-"

"Did you say Gorillaz?!" Samus shouted around a mouthful of oatmeal, from seven tables away.

"Yes, I did," Zelda turned back to her laptop and typed something in, "they're whaaa!" She shrieked as Samus suddenly appeared behind her and snatched the laptop.

"Why would you wanna go see some gorillas," Captain Falcon began, "when we have our very own gorillas right here!" He gave Donkey Kong a hearty slap on the back.

Samus pulled a face. "No, Gorillaz. They're like, the greatest band EVER!" She shifted her gaze back to the laptop. "OMG! They're playing in Crescent Moon THIS AFTERNOON! All the normie tickets are sold out, but they've still got VIPs left. EEE! I must go!"

"Wow, I never thought you'd be into Gorillaz, Samus," Link commented.

"Well, I am! Hey, ask me who my favourite band member is!"

Link sighed, but complied. "Who's your favourite band member, Samus?"

"It's Noodle!"

Captain Falcon spat out a laugh. "Noodle? This fella's name is Noodle?"

Samus glared at him. "Noodle's a girl, and yes, that is her name!" She was bouncing on her heels, practically hyperventilating."I'm gonna go ask Master Hand if I can go!" With that, she ran out the cafeteria doors.

"But you'd need to bring Sonic with you! You remember the rules!" Link called out after her.

Speaking of Sonic, he'd just discovered that the lock on the door was stuck.

"Son of a bitch," he swore under his breath as he furiously jiggled the lock around, to no avail.

"What's wrong?" Ashley asked.

"Lock's stuck," he said.

"Just crawl out underneath, then."

Sonic got to his knees. Through the gap in the door he could see Ashley's feet as she waited expectantly on the other side.

If he thought it through properly, he would have realised he had a better chance of making it out if he got on top of the toilet and climbed out instead.

Sonic lay on his belly and shuffled commando-style under the door before he came to a sudden halt. He scrabbled forwards, which did nothing. Ashley looked down at him.

"It's your quills. They don't quite fit."

Sonic slammed his open palm against the floor. "Alright, I'll try going backwards." But he couldnt go backwards, either. He was properly wedged in.

The hedgehog stared at Ashley's lower legs (the only body part he could see as he couldn't move his head up properly) with pleading eyes. "Please help me!"

"All right," Ashley whipped out her wand and pointed it at him. She uttered some incomprehensible magic spell and Sonic found himself not under the door, but in the door. In the middle of the door.

Sonic opened his mouth to complain, but instead he screamed like a little bitch.

The screaming could be heard all the way from the observatory, where the Lumas were gathered, discussing the flaws and limits of Operation Luma Stampede. However, it was ignored. There were more important topics at hand.

"The sugar just keeps on coming, Orion! We can'tkeep doing this every night!" Blossom, a red Luma, shouted.

"We should have been having discussions like this before we agreed to execute this stupid plan!" Cosma said.

"Yeah!" The other Lumas agreed, "there's no way we can eat all the sugar in the world. We were stupid to listen to you…" The voices trailed off as Orion, ignoring the complaints, flicked the radio on and strange, primal music filled the observatory. The Lumas stopped talking completely and they just floated there, motionless.

"Good. That's better. You've all been bad Lumas," Orion said, his voice suddenly dropping an octave.

"We've been bad Lumas," the Lumas parroted back in a dull drone.

"You need to learn to obey your

master."

"We need to learn to obey our master."

Orion continued talking but stopped when he heard the familiar delicate clicking of Mama's heels echoing up the spiral staircase leading to the observatory. He switched off the music and the Lumas snapped out of their trance, blinking in confusion.

"Good morning, lovelies!" Rosalina reached the top of the staircase, "what are you all doing up here?"

She received only disorientated mumbling in response.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, Mama!" Orion said, "they're just all tired. We stayed up too late last night."

Rosalina shook her head disapprovingly. "Oh, honeys. You know you're not allowed to do that." She produced at paper bag and tipped the colourful contents into the ground. "But anyway, it's time for breakfast!"

That got the Lumas responding quicker, as they all milled around the pile of Star Bits.

Samus re-entered the cafeteria, stomping her feet and sulking like a stroppy teenager.

"Let me guess-he said no?" Link said.

Samus scowled even harder, if that was possible. "He also said that he wasn't wasting money on something I can just watch on TV. It's not fair!"

A new week was here, which meant another day spent doing the Young Ones programme. This is so dumb, Zelda thought. If it wasn't for Peach and her intolerance of kids, I could be training or reading. Damn it, Peach! Why did you have to go and bring it back?

When everyone was assembled and gathered in the minivan, Chrom turned around to face everyone. "Alright everyone, this week, we're going shopping!"

"Yay!" All the kids cheered.

"Grocery shopping!"

"Boooo!"

"Now come on," Chrom frowned, "the whole point of this programme is to do meaningful and productive activities. Okay, the mall was fun, but now we have to be serious."

"You might actually be less fun than Lucina," Stormy said from where she'd been unceremoniously shoved into the boot again.

"Don't talk about my daughter like that!"

"Everyone please," Lyn threw up her hands. "If you all behave today, I don't see why we can't get a treat."

"A...treat?" Ness asked.

"What kind of treat?" Toonie asked suspiciously.

"Something small. Like a chocolate bar or some gumdrops or what have you."

Toonie nodded in approval as Chrom drove into the city.

Ten minutes of navigating around countless side streets and being stuck in traffic later, they arrived at the supermarket.

When everyone lined up outside, Chrom sorted them into groups.

"Those over the age of fifteen go with Lyn, and the rest, come with me." He handed a shopping list to Lyn and off she went, followed by Link, Zelda, Pit, Shulk and Little Mac.

That left Chrom to wrangle Stormy, Ness, Toonie and Dark Pit into behaving. They grabbed a deep trolley and entered the fruits and vegetables section.

"Okay!" Chrom clapped his hands together, "Ness, you get apples and bananas, Toonie, carrots and lettuce, Stormy, garlic and onions and Dark Pit, coriander and mint, please." He ordered.

They scattered into different directions, and things went wrong almost immediately.

"That's not lettuce, Toonie!" Ness shouted as he tried to fill a plastic bag with apples at the same time.

"Then what is it?"

"It's cabbage!"

"Oh, whatever, they won't notice. It's not like anyone eats it, anyway." Toonie grabbed two heads of cabbage and put them in the trolley. Luckily Chrom didn't notice because he was trying to figure out whether he should get several punnets of strawberries or fill up his own bag.

Ness knocked an apple, which sent an entire avalanche of Red Delicious cascading and rolling across the floor. He stood there in shock as passersby helped to pick them all back up again.

Dark Pit went over to the herb section only to find a complete and utter lack of both coriander and mint. Fucking. Brilliant.

Toonie, seeing the mess Ness had made of the apples, decided to help out by getting the bananas for him. As he chose a bunch an idea formed in his head.

He picked a particularly large, thick banana and held it over his crotch. He then proceeded to thrust his crotch at any shopper who walked past, who gave him looks of disgust. Ness noticed this behaviour too, and was more than a little weirded out.

"Chrooom, Toonie's shagging the bananas!" He shouted.

The shout caught the attention of every shopper in the section, including Chrom, who immediately wheeled the trolley over.

"For God's sake Toonie, what's the matter with you?" He snatched the bananas and put them in the trolley before picking up Toonie and setting him down in the kids seat.

"They don't have coriander or mint." Dark Pit said, coming up from behind.

Chrom groaned. What next?

"Hey, Chrom?" Stormy asked nervously, carrying a bag of onions.

"What?"

"I, um, I forgot what garlic looks like," she smiled nervously.

Things arguably got worse in the dairy section. Ness and Toonie were sent to get a bottle of cream when Toonie had another stupid brainwave.

He grabbed his pocket knife and a bottle of cream, waited until Chrom was distracted by Stormy asking him a question, then stuck the blade into the bottle cap. He lowered the bottle over his pants and when he squeezed it, the cream inside came squirting out in a thin stream through the hole.

"Hey, look Ness! I'm creaming my pants!" Toonie cackled at his own joke while squeezing the cream into the floor, then onto Ness's leg. He squealed and stepped back. Toonie then aimed the bottle in an arc overhead and spun around in a circle. Many people ducked to avoid getting squirted (heh) and Stormy was bent over, clutching her stomach and laughing uncontrollably.

Chrom, however, was not impressed. Even less so when he took a stream of cream to the eye.

For Chrom's group, shopping ended early when they were escorted out by a security guard with a shirt covered in cream.

When Lyn met them outside half an hour later with her group and a full trolley in tow, she was smiling.

"What?" Chrom demanded angrily.

"Nothing," Lyn shook her head, but she was still smiling.

Chrom pointed in her face. "Next week, you're taking them."

When they got home, Master Hand was punishing Bowser for breaking a window in the front hall by making him repair it.

When he was finished his lecture on being careful, he turned to the group and said, "well, how'd it go?"

Chrom's response was to burst into tears.

Stormy shook her head. "It really is the saddest thing ever, watching a grown man cry."

Samus was in a crabby mood. Since it was the weekend, there were no battles today. She really needed to punch something, and Sandbag just didn't quite cut it. She wanted something more fleshy. Preferably Master Hand. He deserved it. How could he not let her go see her favourite band? The news website said they'd only be in Crescent Moon until tomorrow, where their next concert would be in Full Moon, but that was in the next state over, and there was no way Master Hand would let her go. Grr! It's so unfair!

It was late afternoon. Nearly dinner time. The concert would most certainly be over by now.

Samus decided she'd go for a walk. She'd take the walkway that ran behind the mansion (with a chain link fence around part of the way to prevent deranged fans from trying to sneak into the mansion gardens) and led into the city. She could do with it, give her a chance to cool down.

Samus decided not to bother trying to convince Sonic to go with her, as per the Buddy rules, but maybe Stormy would like come along.

She headed to the front door while looking for Stormy. Bowser was there, repairing the window he broke while chasing Ganondork around. His big hands were seriously hindering him.

The smell of butter chicken, basmati rice and chocolate self-saucing pudding wafted over from the main kitchen and the cafeteria. Yum. Samus felt her stomach rumble. Or, maybe, she'd wait till after dinner to have her walk. Daylight savings meant she'd still have enough light to see, plus she knew she'd find Stormy in the cafeteria because right now, she was nowhere to be found.

Samus turned to leave and heard the front doors opening behind her.

"Bloody 'ell, these doors are 'eavy!" A vaguely familiar voice said.

"Nah, it's 'cause you have no muscle, Dee." There was another familiar voice!

"I can't believe it!" This time, it was a woman's voice, with a slight Japanese accent.

"Can't believe what, baby-girl?"

"That I'm in the SMASH MANSION! This is a dream come true!"

Suddenly, Samus recognised the voices with a jolt. She turned around to see a Japanese woman, about her age, with choppy black hair and wearing black high-waisted shorts and a leather jacket. She stared at Samus and Samus stared back, because she couldn't believe who she was seeing.

It was Noodle, the guitarist from Gorillaz.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Been getting into Gorillaz recently, hence the slightly sudden appearance. Hope I didn't butcher their personalities too much!**

 **Also I got a bit too carried away when writing Ace and now I have a new idea for a story. Yay?**

 **Also, Noodle turns 28 on Halloween, so Happy Birthday, Noodle!**

Chapter 19: Improptu Sleepover feat. Gorillaz

After thirty seconds of silence, Noodle was the first to react.

She squealed at an inhuman pitch and ran forwards. Samus did the same.

They met in the middle and practically threw themselves into a hug. Their combined fangirl shrieks were enough to completely shatter the window that Bowser had just fixed. Bowser dropped to his knees and began to sob loudly. His despair was lost amidst the squealing and shouts of "OH MY GOD!" Finally, they pulled away from each other.

Noodle was smiling wildly. "OHMYGODICAN'TBELIEVEIT'SYOUYOU'REMYFAVOURITEFIGHTERINALLOFSMASH!"

"ANDICAN'TBELIEVEIT'SYOUEITHERYOU'REMYFAVOURITEMUSICIANOFALLTIME!" Samus also began shout-slurring her words together.

Suddenly, the grille leading to the ventilation shaft in the ceiling shifted and moved away. Stormy then descended, hanging upside-down on a rope made of tied-together bedsheets.

"Geezus, what's with all the yelling, what's going on…" She didn't quite finish her sentence as Master Hand appeared.

"Yes, what is going on here?" The gloved hand asked.

"We was headin' out when our tour bus broke down jus' outside your gate. We was wondering if we could stay the night and call a garage in the mornin'." Russel explained.

Master Hand nodded. "I don't see why not. I'll have the Miis prepare the guest bedrooms. And it's dinner time and you're welcome to help yourselves. Please, make yourselves at home." Then, he turned to face Stormy. He cleared his throat. "Stormy, what were you doing in the ventilation shafts?"

"Hey, you have your hobbies and I have mine!" Stormy said defensively.

Just then, the gong for dinner rang.

"Oh, good! Food!" Stormy dropped to the floor and broke into a sprint in the direction of the cafeteria.

"Food?" The front door was pushed open again and Ace entered the mansion. He peered up at the knotted bedsheets descending from the vents. "...Did someone attempt a prison escape?"

Russel just shrugged in response.

Samus grabbed Noodle's arm and dragged her towards the cafeteria, still giggling excitedly. Russel and Ace followed, Ace still looking around at the mix-and-match decor in the hallway. Behind them, Bowser was still bawling his eyes out.

Marth licked his lips as RedQueen, a Mii who worked in the kitchens, slipped a big ladleful of butter chicken onto the plate on his tray. He'd worked up one hell of an appetite in the gym today and couldn't wait to dig in.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Shulk.

"Marth! I need your help! It's Sonic! He's in one of the bathrooms!" Shulk sounded out of breath.

Marth sighed and handed his tray to RedQueen. "Could you please keep this warm for me until I come back?"

RedQueen nodded, her orangey fringe bouncing.

Once Russel had collected his fair share of butter chicken, naan and apple juice, he spied a place to sit: next to some kids. At the other end of the table, there was a man with ghost-white skin and a skin-tight outfit. He was reading a newspaper and Russel noticed that he only had a big glass of juice and a minuscule amount of curry and naan on his tray.

As Russel sat down, the low-quality metal seat bowed precariously under his weight. He ignored the giggling from the kids and began to eat.

The food was good. The curry was just the right amount of spicy, the naan was soft yet durable enough to scoop with, the apple juice was homemade, but without pulp, and just sweet enough.

He ate until one of the kids, a little blonde boy with a green hat that was almost too big for him, asked him a question.

"Do you wanna hear a joke?"

The boy had a suspiciously happy grin on his face. Russel didn't quite trust it but he still replied anyway.

"Sure."

"Okay," the boy said, his grin growing wider. "What begins with F and ends with UCK?"

Russel choked on his juice. "What did you say?!" Another kid, one with black hair and a red cap, cried out "Toonie!" and the pale man snickered without looking up from his newspaper.

The blonde kid kept giggling. "C'mon. Answer the question."

Russel only managed to sputter out "Wh-what the jus' what?!"

"FIRETRUCK!" The kid shouted. "What did you think it was?"

Russel stared, dumbfounded.

Ace had become so engrossed in looking around this place that he missed the cafeteria entirely and was now meandering aimlessly about the mansion. He'd actually taken off his prized sunglasses for more than ten seconds at a time, just so he could get a better look at everything.

This mansion was home to more than fifty people, at least, and everything was so out of place, yet it somehow all worked together. That stain on the wall by the shelf. The almost threadbare carpet and the few actual pieces of art hanging on the walls. This place had been thoroughly loved and lived in. It faintly reminded him of his old home, a shack in the Townsville dump. It was ramshackle and mix-and-match. He still remembered the excitement from when he and Big Billy unearthed a proper table to play cards at; a table that didn't wobble violently every time Lil' Arturo tiptoed past.

Though, he wasn't sure if the people in this mansion had ever dug out a piece of furniture from beneath a pile of rubbish and stuck it on display in the hallway.

Ace passed the door to a men's bathroom when he noticed odd sounds coming from it. Curious, he swung open the door and stuck his head in.

That Sonic the Hedgehog guy was in - yes, IN, - the cubicle door, which was spinning around rapidly, with a blonde dude in red hanging on to the edge and also getting spun around. The hedgehog was flailing his arms and screaming like a total dumbass.

There was a short girl with huge puffy black pigtails, stepping around like she was trying to help but unsure of what to do. Then there was the blue-haired prince guy, who had one foot in the toilet. It looked as if it was trying to eat his foot and he was attempting to pull it out while simultaneously hitting the commode with his sword.

The sink taps were on full blast, but the water was gravitating up towards the ceiling, where it pooled and dripped down like rain. Rolls of toilet paper and disposable paper towels were fluttering around like birds, becoming more and more sodden by the indoor rainfall. Bright, colourful neon lights were flashing at random intervals and "Stayin' Alive" was playing in the background.

Ace shut the door and continued on his way.

Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, 2D found a place to sit: at the villains table. Ganon, Wario, the Koopalings, Dark Pit, King Dedede and a still-damp-eyed Bowser looked up at him as he slid his freakishly long legs under the table.

Ganon chuckled. "We-hell, what do we have here?"

"It's the singer from Gorillaz," Dedede rasped.

"Isn't that the band Samus was talking about this morning?" Dark Pit asked.

"Yep."

2D smiled. "Yuh, tha's me! I'm 2D!"

"You're two-dimensional?" Iggy joked.

"That's not how we talk to celebrities, Iggy!" Wendy hissed.

"What would you know about talking to celebs?"

"More than you, apparently!"

2D put his hands up, "'Ey, it's okay, you don' need ta fight!"

Ganon placed an enormous hand on his shoulder. "Just forget it. Once they get going, nothing can stop them."

Indeed, Wendy and Iggy began to raise their voices as they rattled off who would be more worthy of a celebrity's attention. King Dedede inhaled his food and quickly scampered off from the table. Wario put headphones on. Dark Pit buried his face in his hands, wondering what he did to deserve getting put at the villains table.

At another table, Noodle and Samus were talking to each other so quickly that Stormy couldn't get a word in edgewise, so she shoved the last mouthful of naan in her mouth and stood up.

Walking past the villains table, she noticed the singer looking extremely uncomfortable as he listened to the Koopalings arguing over some random pointless bullshit. She clicked her fingers at him and pointed to the floor by her feet. The blue-haired man got the message and unfolded his legs from beneath the table and joined her.

"Alright," Stormy said after they walked out into the hallway, "I'm Stormy, and we're gonna wreak some havoc tonight, gotcha?"

"Uhh…awlright, then," 2D seemed unsure of how to respond. "At leas' yuh go' me outta there. Oh uh, I'm 2D, by th' way."

"Nice." Stormy stopped and turned around. "Hey, how heavy are you?"

Back in the cafeteria, Russel finally noticed that the singer was missing. He sighed and stood up, the table and seat making a racket as they scraped against the floor.

"Aw, where are you gonna go now? Don't you wanna hang out with us?" Toonie whined.

Russel decided it was safer to not respond, so he made his way over to Noodle and Samus.

"Have either of yous seen Dee?" He asked.

Noodle perked up. "No, is he not here?" She craned her neck around to look around the cafeteria.

"He probably went to go look for the bathroom and got lost," Samus said.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Russel said before heading for the door. "Imma go look for him."

"And speaking of missing band mates," Noodle continued, "where's Ace?"

Ace was up the other end of the mansion, standing on a spiral staircase, admiring the framed photos lining the walls. Some of them were of weird star-like creatures and others depicted planets and comets and the like. Some of them looked very bizarre, he swore one planet appeared to be made out of candy. Another was a shimmering orb of water covered by a spiky black shell.

He could also hear a piano being played, the tune soft and mysterious. It sounded as if it were coming from somewhere above him, up the spiral staircase.

Deciding to investigate, he continued climbing the stairs until he reached the top and found himself in what looked like an observatory.

The walls were painted different shades of purple and blue, there were benches running along the circular walls that were cluttered with books and papers and photographs, there was a table set for tea, a telescope in the corner and a piano.

The woman sitting at the piano was very tall, with a dress a beautiful shade of turquoise and platinum blonde hair with one long bang covering her right eye. Surrounding her were the star creatures he had seen in the photos. Some were twirling around in the air and some were watching her long fingers move deftly over the keys.

She looked so content too, like…

"Mama, there's a strange man watching you!"

The woman turned to face in his direction. Ace felt like an animal frozen in headlight.

"Yes, Cosma, that's quite enough, now," she said. She got up and almost floated over to him. "Hello there. What are you doing up here?"

Ace fumbled with his sunglasses. "Er, I was jus' lookin' around."

"Well, there's no harm in that, I suppose. My name is Rosalina."

"I'm Ace."

Rosalina smiled. "Well, Ace, would you like to join me for tea?"

"I don' fink fis is such a goo' idea, Stormy," 2D said nervously.

"Nah, trust me, it'll be fine. I used to do this with my cousin." Stormy patted the side of the refrigerator. It wobbled precariously.

2D nodded, but still looked uncertain as Stormy shut the door.

"Comfy in there?" She called. She only got a groan in response. She shrugged and looked over the edge of the roof to make sure the fridge was lined up properly. The target: one of the few trampolines in the garden that weren't mangled. In fact, the one trampoline that practically had army-grade rubber. She wasn't sure if it could actually hold the weight of a forty-year-old man inside a fridge, but it was worth a shot.

The tramp looked so tiny from so high up. She hoped she'd lined it up correctly or this would get messy fast.

She held out her hand and concentrated on using the Force. The fridge shook and tipped over the edge.

A loud scream emitted from the fridge as it plummeted through the air. Stormy watched and cheered loudly as the fridge hit the tramp and was then launched into the air. Right onto the rose bushes.

Just as a very disorientated 2D emerged from the dented fridge, another scream was heard, before Peach came marching out.

"MY FLOWERS!"

It was so loud that even Stormy went to cover her ears.

"...And this is me hitting a zombie…" Noodle said, as she flashed the photo to Samus. She had made a quick trip back to the tour bus before dessert to grab a photo album, and was now proudly showing off each and every single image.

"And this," she said, turning the page, "is why I never let Murdoc cut my hair ever again."

Samus clapped her hands over her mouth. "Holy shit, it looked worse in real life than it did in the music videos!"

"I know right? I was so glad when it finally grew out." Noodle pointed to the next few pictures. "And that's me on my eighth birthday...and that's me with my brother and sister." There was a note of hesitation in her voice as she spoke the last few words.

Samus stared at the photo. It was of Noodle and a man and woman, both Japanese. Their arms were around each other, one of the man's arms appeared to be holding the camera up, as if it were on a selfie stick.

"Wait...you have siblings?" She asked.

A slight wave of discomfort appeared in Noodle's face. "Yeah, turns out I wasn't the only survivor of that super soldier project. To be honest, I hadn't really planned on how to tell the fans."

"Really?"

Mmn. I'm not sure if I really want everyone to know. This is really personal to me, you know. They're my family."

Samus nodded, not quite sure if she actually understood.

"I can trust you not to tell the media, can I?"

"Of course you can! Why would I?"

Noodle seemed happy with that, and her voice grew more cheery. "But man, was I glad to see them!" Then she pointed to another photo, "And that's me when I was nine, spray painting Toochi's legs when he was asleep…"

"I fell ou'a tree when I was eleven. Landed on mah head, fen all mah hair fell out, fen grew back blue," 2D said. Stormy had intervened before Peach could clock the singer with her frying pan, and now the two of them were walking down the hallway. 2D had just finished explaining how he got black eyes, which Stormy found hilariously sad.

"Hol' on, I need to have a pee," 2D pushed open the door of the first bathroom they came to. Light and 70's disco could be seen and heard clearly when the door opened, then disappeared when it swung shut again and 2D went in. A moment later, he re-emerged from the bathroom with his head covered in dripping wet toilet paper.

"Er, looks a li'l busy in there," he said.

"...then pretty soon everyone started pinnin' every little petty crime on us, and it was annoyin'." Ace said. He and Rosalina were sitting at the small table in the observatory, sharing lavender tea and some sort of strawberry meringue cake. He was surprised to find himself spilling his entire life story to this woman, but she was so gentle, so understanding, despite telling her about all of his shitty misdeeds.

"I mean, we done stuff like that before, but that doesn't mean that we do all of it every day, ya know?"

Rosalina nodded. "You mentioned earlier that you realised that you and your gang needed to get out of that situation, when did you realise that?"

"Oh, right, I forgot I was originally talkin' about that. But there were two things that happened that made me open my eyes. The first thing was a murder."

"Really?!"

"Yup. Some poor chap got lured into the dump and then got his throat cut. It was the first murder in Townsville since the Powerpuff Girls were born. And since it happened in the dump, guess who got blamed?"

Rosalina shook her head. "That's awful!"

"Yeah. Anyway there was this truancy officer, Jack, who was constantly breathin' down our necks, but for once I'm glad he did that, 'cause he got wind of the situation immediately and hired a lawyer for us, who basically told the courts - and the Girls for that matter - to fuck off and that the 'evidence' was all circumstantial at best. And that whole thing got me thinkin': are we really that bad to the point where people didn't hesitate to accuse us of murder? And yeah, I realised we kinda were." Ace said solemnly.

"Oh dear. What was the second incident you mentioned?" Rosalina took a sip of her tea.

"Well, some time after we got cleared of murder, I found a tin full of cash under Lil' Arturo's mattress. And when I asked him about it, he just started cryin' and tellin' me about how he was sick of livin' in the dump and the money was some sort of nest egg, and how he missed his dad and stuff. Ever had a teenage midget cry on you? Very humbling moment." Ace reached for his cake. "And then I realised, if Lil' Arturo was aware of how bad the situation was, then I should be as well. And then yeah, I started tryin' to clean up my act, get a job, stuff like that. It was hard, though. Nobody trusted me for a long time." Ace swallowed a mouthful of cake, then continued.

"But the Powerpuff Girls, I guess they took pity on us, 'cause they came through for us. Bubbles in particular. She's got such a great heart, she convinced some shop owner to gimme a job, and a chance. I owe her, and the other two. And to think I did such rotten things to them."

"Oooh, you're a villain! We don't like villains here!" Cosma shouted from the by the telescope.

"Cosma! That is very rude of you! We don't talk to anyone like that!" Rosalina scolded sharply. "Now, apologise!"

Stormy stuck her head in through the double swinging door leading to the Meal Kitchen. There were multiple kitchens all over the Smash Mansion, but the Meal Kitchen, as the name suggested, was where all the meals were prepared before being brought up to the cafeteria kitchens for last minute preparations before being served.

Tonight on the dessert menu: chocolate self-saucing pudding.

And, on the bench closest to the door, was the pudding that was specially prepared for Master Hand. Master Hand was a pretty decent guy for the most part, except for one fatal flaw: he liked to take advantage of the fact that he commanded the Miis, and he often requested that meals with special modifications be made specifically for him, and only him, while everyone else got stuck with the boring standard stuff. For tonight's dessert, he'd apparently had a craving for an entire batch of pudding, topped with whipped cream, strawberries and chocolate shavings. Everyone else would be left with plain old vanilla ice cream. Well tonight, the tables would turn.

"Alright, 2D," she said, "you go in there and distract them, while I'll grab the pudding. I'll meet you outside by the fountain in the middle of the rose maze. You know where that is, right?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Go!" Stormy said before she shoved 2D through the swinging doors.

2D froze, feeling like an awkwardly placed statue as the Miis all turned in his direction.

Think, Stuart, think…

As he thought of something, he smelled something meaty amidst all the chocolate. It seemed to be coming from an unnaturally huge pot on the stove.

He walked over and looked in. He was shocked to see beef bones and vegetables floating in simmering liquid.

He turned to the nearest Mii. "Are yuh tryin' to make soup?"

"No, that's…" The Mii began to explain how it was beef stock, but 2D cut him off, having a sudden brainwave.

"Tha' ain't how yuh make soup. An' I know, 'cause mah mum taugh' me how to do some stuff." He carried the pot over to the sink and tipped out the contents, despite the protests from the Miis.

"Now look, fere's barely any meat on fem bones. An' I don' know of any soup wif celery innit." He picked up a piece of the stalky vegetable and waved it around accusingly in the Mii's face. He heard the familiar sound of the doors squealing and decided his work here was done.

"Now yuh bes' get started on some proper soup, y'here!" And with that, he dropped the celery back into the sink and sauntered out with his nose in the air.

Five minutes passed until Russel entered. Before he could say anything, a Mii said, "he came in here, tipped out all the stock, told us to redo the "soup", then left."

Russel sighed and backed out of the meal kitchen.

By the time the Miis realised Master Hand's custom pudding was missing, Stormy and 2D were already sitting at the fountain in the rose maze, scooping enourmous mouthfuls of pudding, cream and strawberries and laughing maniacally as the first few stars began to appear in the sky.


	20. Chapter 20: The Marlarkey of the Morning

Chapter 20: The Malarkey of the Morning

"Are you seriously still up, Lyn?" Saki asked, descending the staircase in a fluffy blue dressing gown and rubbing his eyes. "It's one AM."

"Mmn. Not feeling tired tonight." Lyn replied, not even turning to face her friend, as she was too captivated by her book, the book she'd gotten herself for Christmas, the book she'd already read and reread.

Saki glanced at the title. The History of Kereshbough and Other Miscellaneous Islands. "Man, that topic really interests you, doesn't it?" He said, with a hint of an eye roll.

"It does."

There was a brief moment of silence before Saki spoke again. "Did you know Gorillaz are here?"

Lyn gave him a curious side glance. "The band?"

"Yeah. Apparently their tour bus broke down so they're staying the night and calling for repairs in the morning." Saki sat down on the sofa next to Lyn. "Toonie told me all of this when I caught him sneaking into Ashley's room. He shouldn't have bothered. She wasn't there anyway."

"She never came down to dinner, did she?" Lyn closed the book, marking her page with her thumb.

"You're right. Where'd she go?"

After a tow truck was called, the goodbyes that morning were quick, as Russel was desperate to get going.

2D had woken up, still by the fountain in the rose maze, Russel standing over him, and Stormy was long gone. He groaned and went to wipe drool off his face before realising he still had the incriminating chocolate pudding smeared all over his face.

"Dee! Where've you been? We're gettin' ready to go now. Now come and help me find Ace."

"So you just left your dad and brother behind?" Ace asked, downing his sixth cup of tea.

"I did," Rosalina nodded, "but in doing so, I found a new family." She patted Orion, who had fallen asleep on her lap.

"Where do ya all live?"

"In an observatory that the Lumas and I built. I must show you some time, I am quite proud of it. Though recently, I'm residing at the Mushroom Kingdom with Peach and Daisy."

"Why?"

Rosalina shrugged. "While I do like touring the galaxies, I think it's time we settled down. Galaxy-hopping has made me feel like a drifter, or someone who just doesn't belong anywhere.

"But, when one of my Lumas feel as if it is time to transform into a planet or comet or whatever they wish, I will take them back up into space for that purpose. I do not want to deprive them of that just because I don't want to live in space anymore."

"Ace!" Noodle's voice called from below, "we're going!"

Ten minutes later the band were piling into their tour bus as the tow truck lifted the front end up carefully. As the truck's engine rumbled into life, Noodle stuck her head out the window and shouted "call me!" Samus called her goodbye.

Ace, however, simply put his hand into the shape of a phone and held it up to his head. This gesture was aimed at Rosalina, who had also come down to say farewell. She held a scrap of paper in her slightly sweaty hand.

She had gotten a guy's number. That was one thing she could cross off of her hypothetical bucket list.

"Right," Master Hand said as soon as they came back through the door. "That's enough of that, now everyone can concentrate on their battles." He snapped. The impromptu goodbye committee groaned and headed off in the direction of the teletransporters.

Master Hand didn't mean to be snappy, but last night was not a good night for him. First someone had made off with his personal chocolate self-saucing pudding (he strongly suspected that Stormy was responsible), then he had to deal with a situation in one of the men's bathrooms, and then Crazy Hand had managed to sneak some cheese and maple syrup. Why that particular food combination made Crazy so, well, crazy, was beyond him.

When Shulk didn't show up to breakfast later that morning, Zelda grew concerned. She now wandered down the hallways, calling out Shulk's name.

She passed Doc and she asked him if he knew where Shulk was.

"As a matter of fact, I do." He responded.

"Where? I've been looking for him for ages." Zelda said.

"He's in the med bay."

Zelda gasped. "What?! What for?"

Doc made a sound like a sly laugh. "He and Sonic are both suffering from extreme cases of motion sickness. They've been up all night moaning about how the world keeps spinning."

Samus hung her head as she walked into the cafeteria and took a seat next to Stormy, who was eating a bowl of fruit holes.

Stormy saw how sad she seemed at the band's departure, and offered up a spoonful of her probably-should-be-illegal cereal.

Samus, without turning her head, opened her mouth and accepted the little pick-me-up, not thinking twice about how it was probably a bit gross sharing the same spoon.

When Marth collected a bowl of porridge from RedQueen, he tried to hide himself behind Ganon. He had lost his shoe in his battle with the toilet and couldn't get find his spares, but he didn't want Lucina to notice (or anyone, for that matter) because she's talk his ear off about how irresponsible he was. As if it was his fault his shoe got eaten by a fucking toilet.

Ganon glanced at him over his shoulder. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Shhh," Marth whispered as he looked over at Lucina. Ganon followed his gaze and smiled.

"Oooh, you like her? You spying on her?" Ganon teased.

"Shut up! As if!" Marth protested, going red in the face.

Ganon's grin grew wider as he cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted "Oi Lucina! Marth just said he doesn't like you!"

Lucina's head swivelled round. "WHAT?!"

"What?!" Marth cried.

"Yeah, wuh?" Fox joined in from where he sat trying to distract Falco from ogling at Amalia.

"Oh my god Ganon, you suck!" Marth yelled. His voice was drowned out by Lucina hollering "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT MEEEEE?!"

Over at the Assist House, Chrom opened the front door to see Ness and Toonie standing on the porch.

"Come for more breakfast, have you?" He asked.

"Yeah, um, Lucina and Marth are fighting and it's really distracting," Ness explained.

Chrom's eyes widened. "Lucina? Oh no…!" He pushed past the two children and sprinted across the field towards the Mansion.

Ness and Toonie entered the house and went into the kitchen where Lyn and Kat and Ana were preparing toast and cereal. Kat squealed when she saw Ness.

"Hiii, Ness!" She giggled. Ness giggled in return.

Toonie rolled his eyes at that and turned to Lyn. "Is Ashley around? I went to see her last night but she wasn't here."

"I don't know." Lyn stopped what she was doing for a moment and looked out the window. "She didn't come back for dinner last night, so…"

"I'm right here." A deep-sounding yet childish voice replied. It was Ashley.

"Yo Ash, wazzup?" Toonie asked, pointing finger-guns at the girl he secretly had a bit of a crush on.

"And where were you yesterday?" Lyn stood with her hands on her hips.

Ashley craned her head back to look at the tall young woman. "Sonic got stuck in a door and I was trying to get him out. I would have come back sooner, but things got pretty wild…"


	21. Mr Whoopy

**Today is a special day. On this day, January 10 2019, is the two year anniversary of when I uploaded the first chapter of Beyond the Mansion Gates on this website! It's so weird to think that this story is mire than two years old now (remember, I first uploaded it to Wattpad). Man, how time flies!**

Chapter 21: Mr Whoopy

When the Smash Mansion was first built, it wasn't known as the Smash Mansion (it wouldn't be called that for another fifty-four years). It was called the Macador Mansion.

It was built by an unbelievably rich gentleman named Lord Macador who apparently really wanted five floors worth of rooms to do only God knows what in. There were just so many rooms that, after his death, the mansion changed hands sixteen times in the span of nineteen years before it came into the possession of Master Hand and Crazy Hand, who then founded the Super Smash Brothers Tournament in order to help repay back the loan they borrowed from the bank in order to buy the place. (They received tons of dough from the merchandising rights and the public pays even more tons of money to watch their favourite fighters duke it out, so it all worked out in the end.)

Each floor of the Mansion had a specific purpose to it. The ground floor was the main living space. It had the kitchens, cafeteria, common room, games rooms and most of the bathrooms.

The first floor was the gym and training area.

The third floor contained the bedrooms.

The second and fourth floors, which also contained bedrooms, were deemed off limits by Master Hand because they were being used for storage. Which is a pretty flimsy excuse considering the fifth floor.

The aforementioned fifth floor was split into two parts. The first part was a ballroom which Lord Macador used to hold the most ridiculously lavish and extravagant parties, and the other part was used for storage. It was as musty and dusty as a typical attic and the way everything was shoved together made the place feel more like a museum, where one could rediscover all the random crap that had been collected over the years.

The roof was also a popular lounging area. People had dragged up sun chairs and even a mini fridge, with an extension cord that ran halfway down the stairs to the nearest electrical outlet.

The observatory (where Rosalina spent most of her time) was impulse-built by Lord Macador a year before he died. It occupied its own wing at the back of the mansion.

The mansion sounds big enough already without the three floors below the ground.

The Underground, as they were referred to, was where the Miis lived. Underground 1 was where paperwork was taken care of, mostly regarding bills, maintenance and copies of important documents.

Underground 2 was split into several levels. Level 1 had classrooms, where the Miis were trained on what to do and how to respond in an emergency and different situation. Due to the sheer number of Miis, they were separated into groups. All day, every day, there would be a group of Miis in each classroom and every Mii attended at least once a week.

Level 2 was the gym for the Mii fighters.

Level 3 was another storage area, except that it held dangerous equipment and machinery and was much better kept than the one on the fifth floor.

And finally, Undergrounds 2 and 3 housed the Miis living quarters; bedrooms, cafeterias, common rooms and bathrooms.

The Smash Mansion is big, isn't it? How could anyone be expected to find their way around?

Well, if one spends long enough in the mansion, they soon learn the ins and outs. All of them. And the choice spots to hide things. Like anti-aircraft guns.

But the downside is that it's very easy to lose things. Like Mr Whoopy.

Master Hand was frantic to find him. Ever since the grocery shopping disaster with the Young Ones last week, he realised that Mr Whoopy could really come in handy for keeping the buggers in line. Problem was: he couldn't find him. And it was a brand-new Saturday, meaning it was the day of the Young Ones Programme. He was on a timer.

He'd swept all the papers off his desk and pulled drawers out. He'd turned over the bookshelves. He'd even pried open some of the floorboards. All to avail. Mr Whoopy was nowhere to be found.

It was then that he decided to look in the attic on the fifth floor.

And it was in the hallway where Pit, Stormy and Toonie saw Master Hand rushing past, evidently very frazzled.

"Where do you think he's off to in such a hurry?" Stormy asked as she blew a bubble with her strawberry-flavoured bubble gum.

"Dunno. Let's follow him!" Toonie cried, and took off after Master Hand. Put and Stormy looked at each other, shrugged then ran after the blonde boy.

Master Hand stepped out of the elevator to find himself completely surrounded by darkness and dust. Coughing, he flicked on the light switch and flapped his fingers around to clear the air a little.

The attic was worse than he remembered. Everything was piled up on top of each other in dangerously high groups with barely and floor space in between. It would take him forever to find Mr Whoopy!

He inched around carefully, making sure not to knock anything over as he searched the piles gently, moving further away from the elevator, to the point where he was far enough away and so distracted by what he was doing that he didn't hear the elevator ding as the doors opened.

"Man, this place is crazy!" Toonie said quietly as he took notice of Master Hand and, not wanting to be spotted, crept behind a china-filled glass cabinet resting atop an old box TV. Pit did the same, Stormy too, but not before she knelt in front of the TV and used her finger to draw something in the dust on the screen.

Suddenly, they heard a crash and what sounded like a gong, as well as Master Hand shouting "God fucking damn it! Where is that piece of shit?!

Even Stormy stopped chewing her gum as Master Hand let out a wordless yell of pure rage before he angrily floated to the elevator, got in and went back down to the ground floor.

The three delinquents emerged from their hiding place.

"I wonder what he was looking for?" Pit said, scratching his head in confusion.

"Dunno, but let's look around and see if we can find anything that we can show the others." Stormy said as she picked up a battered, old-fashioned red telephone.

Pit found some old porn magazines dated from the mid-to-late sixties. He flicked through them innocently, wondering why there was page after page of half-naked men and women.

Stormy discovered that it wasn't a gong that had made the strange singing sound, it was a bell. It was big enough that it looked like it belonged in a frickin' church, not in the attic of a crummy mansion hosting a fighting tournament.

Next to the bell was a lasso, made from yellowy rope and tied in a thick knot. Excitedly, she picked it up, spun it around then threw it. She felt it tighten as it landed around something, and she pulled it towards her. Whatever it was, it was fairly heavy and made a bunch of tiny dingaling sounds. She'd yanked it enough into the light to discover that it was a fully decorated, albeit long since dead and brown, Christmas tree, complete with tinsel, baubles, bells and a star on top.

The hell? she thought as the popped a gum bubble between her teeth.

Toonie, meanwhile, had found a jar of pickled inside of an old microwave. Giggling, he hurled the jar at a shoebox that was resting on the very top of a particularly large pile. Instead of hitting the shoebox, however, he hit another box that causes everything on top of it to come crashing down.

Toonie covered his eyes as a cloud of dust washed over him. When he looked again, he saw a dusky orange umbrella at his feet. Peering closer, he noticed something poking out from between the folds. He grabbed it and pulled, and something long and sleek came slipping out. When he saw what it was, a slow grin spread across his face.

"I need to show the others!" He shouted excitedly before running to the elevator.

That was the context.

But when Chrom and Lyn went into the field to gather up the Young Ones only to find them taking turns flicking around a long black whip, they didn't have that context. Actually, they were very confused. And concerned for their safety.

And when Shulk hit Zelda in the face with it, their concerns became perfectly justified, and they raced over.

Shulk let out a strangled gasp as he ran over and helped Zelda pick herself up off the ground.

"Omigod omigod omigod I'm so sorry it was an accident, are you alright?"

Zelda gently touched her cut cheek and winced. Tears of pain formed in her eyes. But still she put on a brave smile.

"No Shulk, I know it was just an accident. I'm alright."

"But your cheek is bleeding…"

Zelda put a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh Shulk, I'll be alright." She leaned in to kiss his cheek.

Shulk still felt terrible, especially when Chrom arrived, panting and shouting "Shulk, what the fuck are you doing with a whip for god's sakes, kid?!"

"I…Toonie brought it and was letting everyone try it out." Shulk said, still flashing apologetic grimaces at Zelda as Stormy pulled a roll of bandages out from under her skirt, cut off a piece with her lightsaber and gave it to Zelda.

Chrom took in a deep breath.

"AND WHERE DID YOU GET A WHIP FROM?!" He bellowed, pointing at the small boy. He was getting real sick of Toonie's shit.

"I found it." Toonie said, completely unfazed by the outburst.

"WHERE? WHERE EXACTLY?!"

"Inside an umbrella."

"An umbrella?" Lyn asked as she attended to Zelda.

"Yeah!"

"An umbrella." Chrom states in disbelief.

"That's what I said."

"Well, where was the umbrella?"

"In the mansion."

Chrom's nostrils flared. "Toonie, I'm warning you, no funny business. Where was the umbrella?"

"In the mansion, like I told you."

"Where in the mansion?"

"In a room, duh."

"Which room? Where abouts was it?"

"A room with stuff in it."

Chrom grasped his forehead. He could feel a headache coming on. "Where abouts in the room?"

"On the floor." Toonie rolled his eyes as if that was the most stupidest question he'd ever been asked.

"Why does she…?" Link muttered.

Chrom turned. "What?"

Link looked up and held up his phone. "Oh sorry, I just got a text from Daisy asking for my girlfriend's number, and I was just wondering why."

Chrom nodded.

Lyn stepped up and clapped her hands. "Okay people, enough fooling around. Everyone, get to the minivan, Toonie, give me the whip. We're going to a farmers market to help out with setting up."

"Laaaame." Stormy droned.

"Are we at least allowed to go shopping after," Zelda asked. Even she, a princess, a helping hand to her people, thought this sounded extremely boring.

"If you do what you're asked without trouble, we will give you each some money to spend. Sound fair?"

"...Yes…" Everyone sighed.

The group then began making their way towards the minivan. On the way there, Ness laid a hand on Toonie's shoulder.

"Please don't ruin this for us, Toonie." He said desperately.

"I won't…" Toonie said absentmindedly, staring hungrily at the whip in Lyn's firm grasp.

Master Hand also caught sight of the whip as Lyn loaded it into the boot with Stormy, who gave an army salute after Lyn had obviously told her not to play around with it. His heart became heavy with dread as he raced towards the minivan as it kicked into life and began to move.

"Oh no...Mr Whoopy!" He cried.

He was too late. The minivan reached the front gates and pulled out into the road, heading into the city.


	22. Chapter 22: Human Meatloaf

Chapter 22: Human Meatloaf

"Man, what kind of person likes farmers markets?" Toonie asked with disdain.

"Lots of people," Lyn responded. "You can buy all sorts of things, like fresh home-grown fruit and vegetables, handmade jewellery and furniture, sweets…"

"Still sounds boring." Toonie said, folding his arms and slumping forward.

"You could at least browse, Toonie," Zelda said. "You never know, you might find something you like."

Toonie made a weird sound, like a cross between a growl and a grumble.

Stormy was on her phone, texting Samus, with the whip wedged snugly between her and the side of the minivan. She sent her friend a poor-quality photo of the whip, curled up beside her like a thick black snake.

Samus texted back: what the fuck is that

Stormy sent back: a whip boiiii

Samus sent several emojis in a row, all resembling confusion, along with the question: where the fuck did you get a whip from?

Shulk heard the click-clacking of Stormy typing out a response, and he twisted himself around to look over the seat and into the boot.

"Who you texting?"

"Samus." Stormy said without looking up.

"What are you texting her about?"

"None of your business, Nosey Nancy."

Shulk shrugged and sat back down in his seat.

Eventually, the trees and houses whizzing by became just trees. When even the traffic began to look a bit sparse, Zelda got a bit worried.

"How far away is the farmer's market?" She asked, ignoring the stinging pain in her cheek.

Lyn must have picked up on that, because she laughed and said "don't worry, Zelda! It's just a little ways down the road!"

And it was. They knew they had pretty much arrived from the first second they could smell...something. This scent seemed like a combination of cow poo, fertiliser, hay and freshly cut grass. The scent of the farming country.

The minivan pulled into the parking lot, which was just a paddock filled with cars parked neatly in rows.

"Let's get this over with…" Chrom muttered.

Fox was very confused when he watched a bunch of cows, bulls and horses charge through the streets from the window of the restaurant he was in, hoping that a nice weekend lunch with their buddies would help take his mind off of Amalia.

Charizard was outside with a plate full of steak, as he was too big to fit through the door. Pikachu was on the floor with a bowl of ramen. Fox had taken a break from eating his nachos and was trying to entice Falce with fish and chips by waving a chip in front of his beak. But Falco wasn't biting. He was focused on something outside that Fox couldn't see through the bustling crowd and livestock.

Suddenly, Falco stood up. "I need to go pee!" He shouted before dashing out of the restaurant.

"Oh for God's sakes, Falco!" Fox shouted, standing up himself. "You two wait here. I'll go get him. I'll just be a few minutes!" He called out to Pikachu and Charizard, who acknowledged him with a growl.

Fox was lucky he left when he did, otherwise he would have lost Falco in the chaos in the streets. He caught sight of him just before he rounded a corner and Fox ran to catch up with him. As he got closer, he could make out the choppy, curly blonde hair and fishnet stockings and arms of Victoria. Shit! Falco must be following her to find Amalia!

Victoria eventually disappeared inside a building, with Fox and Falco close behind. Falco reached the building before Fox did, and, thinking he was alone, let the door slam into Fox's face.

"Fuck!"

Falco turned around. "Hey, Fox! Shhh! I'm trying to see if Victoria will take me to Amalia!"

Of course he was.

Speaking of Victoria, she had disappeared out of sight, though the click-clacking of her high heels indicated that she might be heading towards the far side of the building. Falco took note and rushed over. Fox followed, nursing his sore nose with one hand.

He caught up with Falco just as he was about to step in an elevator with Victoria.

"Hold it right there, Falco! You come back here, and leave Amalia alone!" He shouted.

"Oh hello, Fox," Victoria smiled at him. "Are you here to see Amalia too?"

Fox was a little confused by her straightforwardness until he remembered her employee file, which said that she had below-average intelligence, and then it all kind of made sense. Victoria was pretty much blind to Amalia's disdain for Falce. She would take him to her if he'd asked.

"What? No, I was trying to keep Falco away from her! Now come on, Falco, let's go. Pikachu and Charizard will be waiting."

"Let 'me wait, Fox, don't be such a killjoy." Falco said.

"Yeah come on, Fox. Don't you at least want to see our super-secret headquarters?" Victoria asked, still smiling.

Fox knew that if he left Falco alone with Amalia, he'd arrive back at the mansion sans teeth. He knew he should go along to make sure he stays out of trouble.

And, alright, he was curious to see their headquarters. So he accepted the offer and stood in the elevator with Falco and Victoria.

"Try to stay away from the doors. Amalia said that if you stood between them, you'd turn into human meatloaf." Victoria informed them.

"Thanks for that," Fox said as the doors closed, with no one standing between them.


	23. Chapter 23: Top Dawg

Chapter 23: Top Dawg

The elevator descended quickly with a smooth whirring sound. Small thin beams of light rushed upwards, briefly illuminating the inside of the dim elevator. There were no clicks or sputters in the mechanism. A high-quality piece of machinery indeed.

Finally, the doors slid open with a soft ping, signalling that they had arrived at their destination.

Victoria stepped out into the dark grey hallway. The floor was striped with bars of light covered by thick glass, on which her heels made a dull clacking sound. Falco was right behind her, with Fox right behind him.

They followed Victoria down the monochrome hallway until they came to the end. The blonde pressed her open palm against a section of the wall, then loudly announced "and guests!"

Just then, the wall rose up to reveal another dark room. Against the back wall was a raised circular platform-like desk with the edges lined with neon blue trim that gave off a soft glow. A woman sat at this desk, using a typewriter. She peered over the desk at the trio.

"Hi Moira!" Victoria called.

Moira rubbed at her nose. "Hi, Miss DeMays. Who are they?" She gestured at Fox and Falco.

"Oh, they're just friends! They're here to see Amalia!"

Moira sighed deeply as she rolled her eyes. "I don't think Big Brother is going to approve, but whatever."

"I'm sure it'll be fine!"

Moira shrugged her shoulders and waved them off. As they moved past her Fox swore he heard the receptionist mumble "I don't get paid enough for this…"

Victoria went around the desk and through another near-invisible door. It led to another hallway, but the light in here was harsh and buzzing. And unlike the previous hallway, this one was lined with doors, all labelled. Fox looked at them as he went past. They had some slightly concerning names: BRS Storage 3, BRS Weapons Storage, BRS Chemical Lab, BRS Target Range. He wondered what BRS stood for.

Suddenly, a loud explosion shook the walls. Victoria stumbled, then jumped up and squealed.

"Ooh, they're in! I hope they brought me my special jelly!"

She ran with wobbly steps through a door labelled as BRS Technology Lab. When she did, a huge black cloud of smoke filled the hallway, and with it came a voice.

"For fuck's sake, Mason, I said don't touch the damn keypad!" It was male and very angry.

Fox entered the room, waving his hands around his face to clear the smoke. As he did so, he heard what sounded like an air conditioner, and the smoke dissipated almost immediately.

He was able to see his surroundings now. The room was brightly lit, with several desks cluttered with papers, books and pens. The room was filled with all sorts of technology: computers, screens, wires, massive structures covered with computers, screens and wires, and a large box-like device mounted on the wall, as well as the man manning the switch.

"Ah, that's much better," he said. He was very odd-looking. He had blonde hair with several tufts sticking up, and he wore baggy camo trousers, sandals and a white singlet with something written on it in katakana. But that wasn't what was odd about him. His right arm and left leg were constructed from light grey metal. The hand and foot were just solid metal with individual moving fingers and even toes. The left leg of the pants stopped just above the knee, as if to allow the limb more room to move around.

The joints were connected by a ball, to allow more freedom of movement. Fox also noticed how the limbs didn't make any robot-y noises when they moved, showing some genius and sophistication in their manufacturing.

But that wasn't all about him. The man also had a thin sheet of reflective metal or glass (Fox couldn't tell) covering his eyes, wrapped around his head and disappearing under his hair. He noticed Victoria and went over to one of the desks. He reached into one of the drawers and pulled out several small multi-coloured boxes.

"Here's your jelly." He said as he tossed them to her.

Victoria shrieked with pleasure, hopping up and down as she flashed the boxes at Fox and Falco. "Glitter jelly! I loooove it! You can only get it in Gunbus Moon…"

"Gibbous Moon." The man corrected.

"...and I loooove it!"

"You already said that." Falco said, glancing around. "Where's Amalia? You said she'd be down here."

"She's in the…" The man trailed off and he did a double take at the two other people in the room. "Who are you?"

Fox stepped forward. "I'm Fox, and this is Falco. We're from the Super Smash Brothers tournament."

The man gave a slow nod in understanding. "Okay, but what are you doing down here?"

"Looking for Amalia."

"Why?"

"'Cause I wanna talk to her."

The man's mouth wavered. "Fine. She's in the Target Range."

"Cool! Thanks!" And with that, Falco took off again.

Fox leaned his head back in frustration. "I'd better go after him and stop him before he gets his teeth knocked out. I'm really sorry about intruding like this."

"Don't be." The man shrugged. "Amalia knows how to apply reasonable force to avoid knocking someone's teeth out."

"But what if she gets angry?"

"Good point."

There was a shuffling by the wall and Fox turned to see another man, with brown hair in a short bowl haircut and wearing a skin-tight red and white marbled full body suit, with his arms folded and a grumpy expression in his face.

"God, I could go for a cigarette." He looked at the blonde man with a twinge of hope.

"Not allowed to smoke in the lab, Mason."

Mason muttered something unintelligible.

The man turned back to Fox. "I'm Zeke, by the way." Then he shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you. And, er, interesting place you've got here."

"Yeah, it's where I develop equipment for our missions.

"Your hitman missions, you mean?" Fox's voice wobbled a little. He couldn't believe he just shook the hand of someone who works for an organisation of hitmen.

Zeke laughed. "What else?"

Over on the far wall another door opened, the one that led into the Chemical Lab (they were side-by-side) and through it walked a woman. She was wearing a white lab coat with blue rubber gloves, black stockings and black Converse sneakers. But the most eye-catching thing about her was her hair. It was red. Not orangey-red, not browny-red, but full-on blood-red. It was perfectly straight, and long too. It reached all the way down to her waist. Some of it was shorter, reaching her breasts and moving freely along the sides of her face, while the longer parts were kept tucked behind her ears. As she came closer, Fox noticed that she also had a small cowlick on the crown of her head.

"Zeke, Victoria just put a full packet of jelly in my flasks and now there's sparkly pink everywhere." She spoke in a slight accent that Fox couldn't quite place.

Zeke sighed. "What's in that stuff that makes it explode like that?" This evidently wasn't the first time it had happened.

"I don't know exactly, but I'm ready to ban Victoria from the lab until I find out-"

"Find out what, Professor Miyanzer?"

The trio turned to see yet another man wearing a black and white pressed suit with a black bowler hat lowered to cover his eyes. He looked like a mobster from the 1930s.

"And what is Fox McCloud doing here?"


End file.
